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Show spice Hlil H Progressing Hapldly "Hullo, DlfklnsI flSiji tsll How Is your Alitl-Hlong society getting (J'Kl, il LH along"" jHS(' HI "Flno .is silk, old slobs" Ualtlmoro 9Kl if HI News, lhIHi. ii H raKiieU t'ncle IMItlimYes, Willie; I have ftHMP' f MB had my nose to the grindstone all my MffiiainH! life. M' i3 fflflfl Wllllo-ls that what mado It so red, Cjl! ? ilifflH uncle-. Philadelphia ltecord. HwKli 'tBbB "Yes, your dress does fit beautifully, IlflH hut I thought )ou wcro nbove sueli IjlSlI jiSS EiH trifles " MinV HH No, I believe In Ihn survival of tho fAfflpfi 1 Htsial best fitted!" New York Sun. JOlfHisf BH1 Illlm Whnt in speeder doing now? Bi!i'' IBi Ilium He In Interested In n get-rich- TiVrIJ' liH qultk ihcme. (Sh Jilfl ssH Ullm You don't siy so? VFrCt'lSc Lsl Ilium Yes, ha Is courting nn heiress. I'lKmllll Tow n Topic. rvlnl LBsl ' Is this, then, to bo tho end? ' he sad- y7V?'!!lB ly sold. iilt-Kl'UEHl Oh, I hope not," sho replied. "I :-Wv ITMssl h ill still reserve three nights a week I Jji ri'KljBH for the theatre. If )uu say so." Chlca- f Iffli l!WB go Itecoril-IIeruld. ll$ nT9H Iteslgnatlon Kmploymcnt Agent I'm jfjjfl '' HH sorry, Mrs llauskecp, hut Im sure I "Til ''HH haven t it eook Hint would suit )otl. )' 'HI .Mrs. llauskecp Never mind, I to got- S fi AM ten over nil that. Just send one and let fn bBH mo seo If I can stilt her. Philadelphia , I 4 HJ 1 S i r HH Near When Needed. "Thnt was art ' IM 'H Ideal cnurso the Automobile club select ', i'H "'i JHi cd for tho race." "S',t 4 '.tjBHH Think so?" ltk jfHH "Yes, there was a blacksmith shop) 'f'tj, l(HH ond a phnriiuccy every mile." Chlcaga 1Kb. S jFlHB Unlly News, VmHH v i ! "You should get your ears lopped, r Jj n l flHH O'llrlen," said a 'smart" tourist to an ( J , HHI Irish peasant whom ha was quizzing, '.k'T. JH ' they'io too largo fora man." tM i, nHH "An beelad." replied the, Hibernian Mu n'rHHI "I nas Just thlnkln' yours would wnntte &9L 11,'HHI bo made larger, shouro they're loo small 3i 'fKlFsl for un ussl" Tlt-lllts. Sf'A Fa,)HHI i H'liiHHl ' How much did you reallzo (rom tbatj f W'IhHb! play you giuu for charity?' Wr VoHHl "Wo hadn t a cent left over." Iffl4 JfiHH "Why, )ou had a splendid house." &SafiflHH "I know, but tho commltteo realized S wKln8ffll H that charily begins at home, and they; IgfnFljUHiH couldn't possibly havo found actors IliH'ijSHH liny poorer than ours." Philadelphia ff 9W43aHIH Press. II HT'; j jHl B "At list," said Hector do Buzcmme, ifa 'IHIHH the struggling joung lawyer, "at last. Si vi'.ijHIH Arabella, we may be united in the holy Y& j' HIH bonds of matrimony. My future Is as- ,I (!, wl 'Oh, Joy"' said Arabella. "Havo you Sfe li'cHHl given up law and gona to work?" WK IkIH "Indeed, no," was the Indignant re- HP y, 4HH sponse. "I am retained as the solo at- Xffif 'vH tomey In a will case, where there are HiM'ilW HI forty heirs that hate each other Ilka iP&j fi HiB mad, and an estate of 12,000,000, with Ifmtful HiB a lot of mortgage litigation and ob- lrffl'1 )IHi scuro titles to straighten up before It flitti wt B may be distributed." Ilaltlmoro Amer- Bh'-iS HhI Solar Plexus Miss Brighton What SS I HHl a lovely watehfob, Mr. liorem. Is your saS JMHI watch equally pretty? IH ' JSnl'IH Mr, ltorem Here It Is !InH ttu Miss Brighton What! It o'clock! f' j. ffitHH Wh), I had no Idea It was eo late, had KrH K'HOH you? Chicago Dully News. BKItiiEl UH Iloth Sides "Our legislators," pro- 8 fjiK jfl H tested tho machine politician, "are not Sre','yl flH as biul as they're painted." iilja;''irj InH "No?" replied the plain citizen. tlK 'MjIbH "Well, they're certainly not so good if If ": 1 1 , as thcro whitewashed. Philadelphia, ff' BH Pss. , ;t nj "If you were I," sho said to her dear- JM in1 flttH est friend, "would you be married In the ip!fi ' .H spring or the fall?" fcj "It I were you," was tho unhesitating flBSJ' I lll reply, ' and had actually secured a man. tyijK jH I would set the wedding for the earliest Ws'fil sbI date possible," Chicago Post. Slifi.ik!'fBBBl Teacher Johnn) , can you tell me, V liffl. ' V, n how Iron was first discovered? ml '1 j u Johnny Yes, sir, h la 1 '-. nH "Well! Just tell the class What youn k & HI Information Is on that point." V W1" '1 I HH "I heard pa say jesterday that theyj ', Pni.'Ir1 H smelt It." London Spara Moments. t. 2f , i bbbI "You understand, ot course, that my ,, ; n9H daughter has been 1 cared In the lap of jj.h, ,iXJ luxury? ' f : B MJLI "Why, sho told mo last night that i fWi HBHJ mine was the first er, that Is, I hope. '' j f, . 1 p H sir, that I may be able to mnko such V W ' fffl provision as to keep her from pining for f 'ii W the lull jou mention." Chicago ltecord-, f , , 'V4B U Herald. il, " M bbI vsiwl Hi Itagson Tatters So yer didn't hean I Yl HI about poor Bonesy. Why, dcy had tee i I 'V' ., put 'lm In a loonetla 'sylum. 1 ft ( iJjW JM Weary Waggles-W'at fur? J 1 Till' ' llaBl Itagson Tatters Ho swiped a, box o i vW Otf condensed soup from a grocery store, k Ul I, WH fH and lugged It ten blocks before, ho dls- lji, '! ffl iHJ covered It was soap, instead o' soup. i A Vl n rH Philadelphia Press. j (h 1 N H "I must compliment you," said tha 1, i( , S( HH friend, "on tho generous spirit you 'i, Ti p jj rH showed last night in allowing another ' l ' 1 j i-Hjl actor In tho company to play Hamlet 'I' j'j whllo )ou contented yourself with tha i if iKfttl part of the first Brave digger." i .ft tji; 111 M Oh, yes," answered Mr. Stormlngton J 'fr i i SB names. "You see, we have a new trcas. ifii 1 j ifHl urer, I wanted to bo out In front as J$i lu'l llHl much na possible In order to help count S rfi Ifj j "Hi up." Washington Star. i CTt1 !TImbb1 9 Terrible Possibilities of the Latest I "W V, 1H Craze Housemaid (entering hurriedly) 8:1 ''fttHB Oh, If you please, mum, jou know ff ('iSln iIbbI when )ou allowed cook to go nut Just f 'tulF' HjH now for an hour? Well, sho's como back h Ii8,i V. ' ijifll o very er (hesitatingly) poorlyl a it7' iff 'JHs! Mistress Ho very poorly? Good gra. iTyirlllJIB clous, Jane, whatever Is the matter? ; flfll't'tUlH "Well, )ou know, mum, you told her V ffVl'l R to do them bantam's eggs for master's ' Mltjj t-rBBB tea, nnd she's trying to boll the ping jt laSw, -'iVMBB pong balls'"-runcli. V MifHJ "Aht" exclaimed Mrs. Oldcastle. who i SB Mil !j2HI was again enj0)lng the splendais of her ' Stijii ' 9jbbb new nclghbon' art gallvry, "a Corot, I A jMiH'sfl'SB see." 4 j?jl'Jv njBBH "Where?' asked her hostes. looking 1$ 'iSllJHB doubtfully at tho canvas which seemed J Sv, ''l to claim the others attention. jl &4!f9!BBi Thcie," unsnered Mrs. Oldcastle, 8! JljjlFH pointing w 1th her lorgnette. tfm 'iajM H "Well, now, I declare. I can't see a Jr w (pj f single crow anywhere around. You B B JShU don t mean them little black spots In J (K fSK t the left-hand corner, do )ou? Them's 3 W clouds." riilniitn topI. Herald m attt-HJI H I Kill. H j". . .bbbbbbIbbI |
