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Show j REPORTED BY THE GROUCH Here the Original Hiram J. Tells of His Attendance at a Country "Function." "Having nothing else to do," remarked re-marked the old codger, "I attended a function while 1 was over at Tor-pirivillo Tor-pirivillo the other day. The affair was held in a dispirited grove at the end of a road in which every time a horse popped down his foot the dust shot up in the air like a skyrocket. A band was playing without the slightest remorse. A statesman, with a neck as wrinkled as a pickle, droned dron-ed forth redundant nonenities without with-out end. A sad and rickety merry-go-wabble wound 'round and 'round to the sound of its own plaintive pee-dle-deedlu. In a tipsy pavilion a hoarse person was endeavoring to sell, In bra.en defiance of the pure food and drug act, what looked alarmingly like horned toads fried in axle-grease. A gentleman in a striped tent near by hoarsely stated t hat he preferred to eat snakes at ten cents per serpent. ser-pent. There was fhe usual balloon which seemed perfectly willing to do anything but go up. Scattered around through the festal scene were a few old soldiers, grumbling; a smattering of farmers, also grumbling; sundry honest voters, likewise grumbling; and various other folks, nothing about whom is worth mentioning except that they, too, were grumbling. It may have been reunion, a fair, a rally, a picnic, or what-not; but whatever what-ever they chanced to call It, 'twas an excellent example of one of our most cherished institutions." Kansas City Star. |