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Show 264 The Sait LaueFribuneDeseretNows,Sunday, April 28, 2002 len eon Living Sa iDeh er] Parents’roles should JaZZ musician is in his prime mature with children By Pat Stein Sprcich Contenton When children are young, parents are the ultimate authority. They set the rules about the nght and wrong ways of doing things, bedtime, social activities and getting homework done. The need to talk with children about important things doesn’t end when they've grown up. But tables have tumed. Roles have changed. Adult children have their on ideas and rules, which may be different from their parents’ Yet it’s imporiant to keep the lines of communication open so you can talk with your adult children about their life situations, help them make decisions, share in their concerns and joys, and help them with their challenges without seeming meddlesome or controlling. Although a parent’s authority and responsibility legally ends when a child turns 18, that chronological milestone doesn’t mean children no longer need parental support and can. no longer benefit from parental advice and their experience, according to Theresa Foy DiGeronimo, author of How to Talk to Your Adult Children About Really Important Things. The key for parents is to realize that the dynamicsof the relationship have changed when ‘hele children have grownup. “When wetalk to our adult children, we need to learn how to give advice as we would a friend as a wayto help them see another point of view, mix it with their own and make their own decisions,” DiGeronimo said. Once the changein roles is accepted, parents aced to stop and think before instinctively reacting as parents and resisting the urge to jump in with a solution or dictum, according DiGeronimo. to you need to decide what's best for you,” cronimo, suggests. To build a a mature rela- tionship with adult children and stay friends through all the ups and downs, she advises shewing respect for their hobbies,talents, career ambitions, significant others andindividuality. The general guidelines she offers clude trusting your children and letting them knowit; showing confidence in their ability to run their ownlives; encouraging them to set and pursue their own goals; offering emotional support; acknowledging and praising their accomplishments; listening first and advising later; being loving if they stumble and sharing with them stories of when you stumbled. “Alternative lifestyles” can be a big issue between. parents and adult children. DiGeronimo defines an altemative lifestyle as “any lifestyle that’s not the same as yours.” It could be choosinga differentpolitical party orreligion, choosing a partner of a different race or the same sex, deciding to be a free-lancer rather than a nine-to-five employee or choosing to co-habit before marmiage. “The most important thing is to let your child know you love him or her no matter what,” said Rocky Velgos. Velgos and his wife, Jeannette, are co-founders of the San. Diego. chapter of Parents, Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays. They have an adult gay son and they know from personal experience that gender issues can be the most difficult for parents to come to terms with, But Velgos says “love and acceptanceare the answer.” “We love our son and his partner and they are as much an accepted part ofour fam- ily as if he were married to a woman,” Velgos said. When talking with adult Reed has spent a lifetime sharing his gift ofmusic By James Gardner Stalt Writer Jimmy Reed has sat at the piano with legends. A voracious young consumer | of music in Denver during the early 1940s, Reed regularly frequented jazz clubs, One night he sat awestruck watching master ivory-tickler Duke Ellington at work “As the band waspacking up,” Reedrecalls, “I went andsat on the piano stool with Ellington and asked him questions. | did | this with Count Basie, too.” When you're 15 years old, Reednotes, “you don’t have any inhibitions and [the musicians] had the time and they wouldtalk The Jimmy Reed Trio, which includes(left to right) Jimmy Reed, John Nuslein ond Will Shinto you.” Now, some six decadeslater, gleton, performs every Monday, Wednesday and Friday in the Crossroads Plaza food court. he charms. audiences with les: idea is that the girls kept danc- with the Bill Gregory Band, he players. sons leamed at the foot ofthe After living in California for played one night at Salt Lake greats. A mainstay in Salt Lake ing. We'd make$8, and go from town to town, At the end of the City’s El Gaucho club. That's several years, Reedand his wife City’s ‘smal ut steady music month, we'd each have $100.” when he first saw Barbara, his cameback to Salt Lake City and come including eee town, downtown's pepoy eS “Bridi i rs Shortly after high school, ” Reed soon-to-be-wife. 5 atadana oes of World War Il. Even as “Bnewgett ediadmit ei ig Stationed in the ue opineanett South Pacific, In the early days, he and his high Reed couldn't 26hed keep hisec hands ue Secacongener : e keyie oeae board. He es tion, They played county fairs instantly played New Mexico, Oklahoma and at military, Kansas. socials and in “We weren't the greatest band the officer's older, because yous ml it on my feet, wear out fe carpets; but Idon’t do a See ROLES, Page G-7 2 try R number of odd ‘Winleplaying.dinner music, JS thai Reed developed an essential sheet-metal component of his performance work and philosophy. household“very nightina dining room appliance js different,” Reed notes. “You sales, watch your first set and you watch body language. Some [people] eat to the tempo of the music; some ofthem beat their feet. By the third set you can bring them where you'd like to goa little bit.” See REED, Page 6-8 @ Physicians whospecialize in the well-being ofolderadults @ Additional services available at Cottonwood matter to you. Rashes, Psoriasis, Hemorrhoids Hospital @ On-site physical, occupational and speech =<: therapy ‘roblems! , aad ™@ MEDICAREand mostinsuranceplans accepted cabinet! All Natural! 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Millcreek Retirement Residence offers you an independent, carefree lifestyle with the security and services that really . piano y Trust someone you know... || c ‘how could you,” she advised, Further, she suggests being curious, not demanding. A mustfor every medicine musician. To which they ran for 13. years, supplement a They also opened The Broken king for a doctor? jtements, MIRACELL” ‘They reopened the El Gaucho club and tumedit into the Four TERMOUNTAIN HEALTH. CARE A place you will call imo suggests identifying ea feelings and talking in SENIORS! Getrelief from: Bedsores, out a chicken wire so [the crowd] stage with Bob that anymore. Later, a position with the wouldn't hit us with whatthey Hope when the comedian came Boys Club of were throwing America sent “In those days they had what to the South they called jitney dances and Pacific to put on one of his him to New York City and Caiifornia, While working with they wouldhire about a hundred famous USO shows. By 1946, Reed was back on troubled teens in Escondido, girls and charge guys a nickel a dance. Theband playedfor three U.S. soil and back in the Calif., he networked with other and-a-half hours and the Denver-jazz circuit. Touring burgeoning big-band and jazz ‘I feel concemed’ good listener. Ask for details rather than ‘you’re wrong,” aboutthe situation. Don’t be judgmental. Avoid words like “should,” “ and “ought.” When offering advice say something like “If 1 were im your situation, this is what | would do, but carve to l about their conThe key to keeping the children cems and yours, DiGeron- lines of communication, love and respect open between parents and adult children is to learn to be a to vingna. Sansone Wet mocpton ball. 3 seas appre Scant wages Cotionwood Mall and The Jazz e strings, knock the ney right off the keys, beat in the world,” Reed says. “We lounge. Andhe played mostof the time behind performed used businesses staned opened hicha number Reedis of(ileheet ok City and tried . dy. sodtEoidny im tho: mall's Trea, court, Resdl’ Microscopic Ousimites cling 314-4544 g 40 dust porhicies in your home. Te ; HOM ttle a ice Bate UL ete Nowaccepting new patient 1530 So. 500 West Salt LgAse ay) JE sae Sa ae ‘ CUain 144 West 7200 So. “Midvale” CADILLAC DEVILLE2002 THE BEST LEASE EVER 566-3800 | |
