OCR Text |
Show The Salt Lake Tribune, Sunday, July IS, 1978 The Domestic Equation IF 15 Him, Her, Them Equal Marriage Sandra Fesmen Chicago Daily News Witter tired CHICAGO By - housewife poured out the coffee while her friend poured out her troubles. My husband hasn't been home for dinner in a week.'' the visitor confided. Do vou SAVi4 ' A Valerie Smith Camme Hutchings Pamela Bates think there's '-j Carrolyn Smith ENGAGEMENTS days and Mrs. Stanley Smith, Salt she began. And when he gets home this weekend try wearing your new, Lake City, announce the engagement and forthcoming marriage of their (Jaughter, Valerie Smith, to Jodd A. Andersen, son of Mr. and Mrs. Gerald G. Andersen, women generations been playing the roles inented by Eve and polished The couple Is planning an 27 wedding in the Salt Lake LDS Temple. ' Miss Smith has attended titah State University and the University of Utah where she affiliated with Lambda Delta Sigma. attended Her Brigham Young University. Aug. fiance ' Camme Hutchings Jeanne L. Wegner Making plans for a Sept. 11 wedding in the Salt Lake LDS Temple are Camme Hutchings and Brett Iverson. bride-elec- t The is the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Arden B. Hutchings, Merced, Calif. She has attended Patricia Stevens College. Mr. Iverson is a senior at the University of Utah and is a son of Mr. and Mrs. Melvin D. Iverson, Salt Lake City. Carrolyn Smith Mr. Earl G. Lake City, announce the engagement of daughter, Carrolyn Smith, to Keith R. Howe, s''n of Mr. and Mrs. Richard K. Howe, Bountiful. The couple is planning a Sept. 14 wedding in the Salt Lake LDS Temple. The bride-eleis a graduate of Brigham Young University. She affiliated with Sigma Delta Omicron and the Dance Team. Mr. Howe attended the University of Utah and was a member of the Air Force ROTC. and Mrs. Smith, Salt their Ball-loo- W. City, announce the engagement of their daughter, Pamela Mae Bates, to James V. Langlois, son of Mr. and tors. Joseph A. Langlois; Salt Lake City. The couple is planning an Aug. 12 wedding at the Reception Centre, The future bridegroom is a University of Utah student m Jeanne L. Wegner Making plans for a Sept. 15 wedding in the Salt Lake LDS Temple are Jeanne Laurel Wegner and Craig Walter Ulrich. Announcement of the engagement is made by her par- - Christine Elina Miner ents, Mr. and Mrs. Kurt H. Wegner, Salt Lake City. Parents of the prospective bridegroom are Mr. and Mrs. Walter E. Ulrich Jr., Salt Lake City. Miss Wegner has attended the University of Utah and her fiance is a student there. Elma Miner Making plans for an Aug. 7 wedding in the Salt Lake LDS Temple are Elma Miner and David H. Emery. bride-eleThe is the daughter of Charles D. Miner, Salt Lake City, and the late Mrs. Elmina J. Miner. Parents of the future bridegroom are Mrs. Mary H Emery, Salt Lake City, and the late George S. Emery. Mr. Emery has attended the University of Utah. His fiancee was graduated from the U. of U. with a B.S. degree in education. She is a member of the Student Utah Education Assn. DeCamp.. Christine DeCamp Mr. and Mrs. Harland D. DeCamp, Salt Lake City, announce the engagement and forthcoming marriage of their daughter, Christine DeCamp, to Johnny D. Smith, son of Mr. and Mrs. Robert Smith, Magna. The couple is making plans for a Nov. 14 wedding in the Holy Trinity Greek Orthodox Church. is a student The bride-elec- t at Brigham Young University School of Nursing. Jeanne Woodbury Mr. and Mrs. Orin Richards Woodbury, Salt Lake City, announce the engagement of their daughter, Jeanne bury, to Richard Neil WoodChate-lai- n, son of Mr. and Mrs. John Chatelain, Salt Lake City. The wedding date is set fnr Aug. 17 in the Salt Lake LDS Temple. Milton Speaking Frankly Ma, You Have Nobody to Blame But... hand that rocks the cradle, also scrubs the pots! A mother cant win for By Mary McGrath Tell me, where is It written that anything that cannot successfully be blamed on any other member of the family automatically becomes Moth- er's fault? matter what gets out of place,. lost or broken, somehow the lady of the house ends up, if not accepting the blame, at least repairing the No t For -- Mr. and Mrs. Wallace hastes gown. Flaying the Roles low-cu- have Draper. Bates, Salt Lake Scarlett O'Hara. dont you have a new hairset, honey? G. Pamela Bates of Why Valerie Smith Mr. another woman?' The hostess took a deep breath and started giving advice that w'omen have been giving each other since the unit run smoothly is to realize that each must be constantly aware of their own needs, and also what they can do for each other. Seveial months of therapy showed Mary that she had been serving her husband at the cost of her own concept of self ipsxvt Her needs had been ignored and she subcon-S- i uni-began to feel cheated in her marriage. She ured sex as her method of fightirg back. damages. In some homes clutter Is the constant contestant against her peace of mind. Since absolutely no member of such a family could be so cross as to deliberately throw objects about the room, or on the floor, the articles themselves must make suicide leaps from their appointed places to the middle of the living room rug. As the general clean-usquad, guess who retrieves mu MQrai them and replaces them for their next attempt at where an automatic dishwasher takes care of the mechanics of cleaning the tableware, the pots and pans present the problem. In families The children gladly accept the responsibility for clearing the table, and even setting it from the machine, but who takes care of the metalware that must be scrubbed and polished by hand? Who else? Ths Lora Lee Brown to Wed Mr. and Mrs. Folkman D. Salt lake City, Brown, announce the engagement and forthcoming marriage of their daughter, Lora Lee Brown, to Gary Lee Heaton, son of Mr. and Mrs. William Reo Heaton, Orderville. The couple Is planning an Aug. 18 wedding In the Salt Lake LDS Temple. Both are graduates of Brigham Young University. Mr. Heaton plans to continue his studies at the University of Utah. losing. The child who stays up too late, when mother is out for the evening, manages to put her in the middle for not being home to enforce a curfew. The husband who has gained weight on his wife's goodies, dares her to put him on a diet, even if he never speaks to her again. In some families, mother has become such a willing receptacle of all blame Jor all occasions that she can even manage to feel guilty if it rains on the day they had planned for an outing. Some girls are so far gone they spend the rainy day making it up to the rest of the brood by inventing little tricks to taka their minds off the rotten way nature undermined their confidence in her. The fault, of course, lies not In our families, whom we would love so dearly to blame, but in our dumb-bunn- y selves, that we lie down so conveniently for the kick. With a clearer idea of ourselves as people, we'd find out where it's written that we take it in the neck every time someone gets it into his head. thats the way you want it, friend, youll have to take the blame for that one And if from to perfection by the glamorous Gabors. This has become a way of life for many women, but such behavior has brought disaster to many marriages. I have half a dozen couples In therapy right now who are suffering from this malady. said marriage counselor Mil-to- n Nidetz. Each of these women were playing out the role of what they thought a woman should be instead of acknowledging and those their own needs of their mates. They all believed they had to understand their husbands problems at all times, Nidetz said, and accept anythirg he told them. They spent their married lives promoting their man, his career, and their children. and rack up a zero to zero score for the battle. The smart woman uses a more practical method. She has enough conficence in herself to know there's nothing wrong with her, the home or the meal. She's instantly aware that something outside the family is dixtutbing her husband, and she ask what happened at the office to make him so align. By giving him this supixut at a time t. stress, this wife her mate become helps strong enough to later support Nrithcr to Blame her," Nidetz said. "Try to give jour mate the Neither Marv nor her hussame courtesy vou'd offer to band were to blame for the Nidetz crisis, Nidetz explained. The any stranger, advised. He said that often was one of problem really women are so involved they Mary lose sight of their husband's couldn't recognize her needs, and she didn't know how to needs. Infantile Woman communicate them to her husband. Baibara C. was like that. Reaching to each other s She was an extremely beautimoods in a way that will build ful but infantile woman who felt she should be idolized and up confidence and self respect is a primary requisite for a adored at all times. She good marriage. expected her husband to gratFor example, when a husify all her desires instantly. band comes home and comThis woman was clever, plains that the soup is cold, although she was childish, the salad is warm, and there Nidetz said. She used the If is not enough salt on the potait weren't for you' excuse. toes a woman may react And at first her husband acin a variety of ways. cepted responsibility for her She may smile coyly, blink behrtri:--' as if it was the her eyes, kiss him on the nose result of his own inadequaand say, How manly you cies." look when rounseiois have Marriage youre angry, dear." also noticed that there's heen Another approach is to drop a recent upsurge of adultery the casserole on his head; but among middle-agemarried Nidetz claims that both partwomen. ners would lose that round A really good relationship husband and wife allow doesnt for adultery, Nidetz said. If a woman seeks reassu-rane- e outside marriage, between there's something lacking between husband and wife. And adultery doesn't solve that lack. It Just gives the woman fake security and encourages both partners to go their separate ways." He added impishly. It also 'one-side- makes the husband more to that sexy secretary who works in his office. Nidetz stressed that a good doesn't Just happen. Two people achieve it only by giving to each other and it can't exist if both peo-jl- e are interested in only one le marriage communication. partner. Nidetz said there are four major danger areas in marfinance, sex, riage and rMldren. "But when couples cant get along they have a basic relahe said. tionship problem, Those danger areas are merely the arenas they choose to fight the problem out in. C d ilr-- GOLDEN WEDDNG Katherine Allen Sets Date Typical Woman Mary Y. is typical of such women. The pretty mother of three was taught at home not to express her own to feelings. She continued act out that role in marriage, in order to duplicate her early life. To outsiders, Mary seemed happy. Her husband was successful. He was so busy at the office that he rarely came home on time for dinner. Her husband stayed at the club in the evening to play cards and traveled a lot. Both partners believe theirs was a happy, successful marriage. Then suddenly Mary became irritable and nervous. She started to cry at the slightest provocation. She began telling her husband she too tired was or not in the mood for sex. Nidetz explained that the basic problem in this and many other marriages is that partners don't realize marriage consists of three components: Him, her and them. Regardless of outside pressures, this trilogy must be viewed first as two individuals, then as a unit. The secret to making the d Announcement of the engagement of Katherine Patricia Allen and Robert D. Frandsen was made at a tea Saturday at the home of Mr. and Mis. Laurence C. Peabody, Salt Lake City. Mrs. Peabody was hostess. A Sept. 5 wedding in Our Lady of Iturdes Catholic Church is planned. The bride-elec- t is a daughter of Mrs. Ruth C. Allen and Arthur A. Allen Jr., both of Salt Lake City. Parents of the bridegroom are prospective Mrs. Carina Harris, Provo, and Lt. Col. Donald P. Frandsen, Daleville, 41a- Miss Allen is attending the University of Utah College of Nursing where she is president of the Associated Stu- - dents of the U. of U. College of Nursing. Mr. Frandsen Is a sociology major at the U. of U. An opan houia honarlnf Mr. tntf Mr. Ntldan Nyrahn on tbalr SOtn Wadding Anniversary will bo hold ot tha homo of tholr dauahtar, 41)5 S. Stott, on Toaiday. July 21. from lt noon to 7 p m. Thoy ? now rosldinf In Wandovar, Utah. Thoy woro mar. rlod In Salt Lika on July 21. 1920, Thoy hava a son, Dalmar E. Nvrnhm dauQhtar, Kathlaan Harroni sin grand AH chlidran, two friands and lalativas ara Invlttd. gifts, plaasa FAPteen (15.00!!) Dress Event! Carma Marie Moore Aug. 13 is the date set for the Idaho Falls LDS Temple wedding of Carma Marie Moore and Robert Rigby Brown. Mr. and Mrs. E. J. Cap Moore Jr., Idaho Falls, are parents of the The future bridegroom is the bride-elec- t. son of Mrs. Liberty Rigby Brown, Hollywood, Calif., and the late Dr. William Witbeck Brown. When, when have you seen a 15.00 dress event that looks like thirty! That's what FAP is all about! Our intrepid Claras ... A'nE pair put these airborn July IVig Clearance trom New York this week and we have added some ot our very best Monday thru Thursday July 20th through 23rd Clara Tillotson Wig Consistent late summer and early tall styles to make this the most exciting money saving dress event in seasons! We've even added our striped success in washable, Cutting, Styling & Fitting $2.00 drip dry acetate and nylon and with long sleeves tor Fall! "V ffiore about the EL 3)c CONVENiENl It's opening a little more and it oil the time at A'n E will be open all the way in August, bringing the greatest men's fashions to Salt Lake! In the meantime, please excuse the work and busy life at A'nEl Free parking, late shopping hours, postal services, wedding registry . . . yes, yes and even more at your ZCMI at the Valley Fair Mall. BONUS SERVICE Heme Office 4227 Nlf blend Drive, SA.C openingJuIy27 X. 27M932 Mevrt: Deity 9 te 4, Thertw 9 te 7 Set,9teS - f roftstioMflf trolntd ityllBfi will Mg yaa (MiSIICFFE (JHC atct "rtf wi and tty la far yav. Other lecetiens 3410 Wash. t'vd,, Ojrfte 393-900- 3 ADRIEN 'n CMIUE oppleKeeeti,, 72 SOUTH MAIN and , UNDERGROUND at the COTTONWOOD MALL t ; lW 4 |