OCR Text |
Show Happiness comes from within We all sutler from a damaged self-esteem to some extent, as we move through life's stages seeking the approval of others, said therapist therap-ist Tom Beasley at a May 4 luncheon lun-cheon seminar at Benchmark Regional Re-gional Hospital. Most of us approach a crisis in adolescence us we face meeting the expectations of parents. Adolescents Adoles-cents go through a process of examining, ex-amining, testing, and rebelling against the family values and morals. mor-als. This is a time when teenagers develop an identity as "they are trying to expand into autonomy," Sttid Beasley. The conflict arises when the adolescent seeks approval approv-al and acceptance of the parents, while testing the parent's values! 'We give teenagers a lot of negative nega-tive feedback" during this time of development he said. If the adolescent seeks only the approval of the parents, "they often sacrifice self-esteem" in the process says Beasley. Lost self-esteem self-esteem may also result when the child is incapable of meeting the parent's expectations, and meeting those expectations helps establish -V self-worth. For example, the ' , 'nt may have everything mapped map-ped out for their child's future, but this may be overwhelming for the child. : Beasley says it is also important to recognize nonverbal messages, pr body language. "You are sending send-ing messages by your actions," he said, such as smiling when you're hugging. Although it may be an old cliche, Beasley advises that actions ac-tions often do speak louder than words. "Show me that you love me," he said. According to Beasley, the key in helping teenagers through this stage is to keep an open line of communication while providing guidance, acceptance and support. We all have a need to be special, but "it can become a driving force in our lives if we lack this feeling," he said. As we seek approval and acceptance accept-ance from others, by meeting their needs, we often forget our own basic needs. "When we do this in excess, we give up our self-loyalty and we stop valuing ourselves," said Beasley. He added that it is necessary to assess basic needs beyond food, clothing, and shelter because we all have individual needs as well. For example, taking time out to do something for yourself or buying something new for yourself. your-self. Beasley says that a person who feels guilty for recognizing their own needs, usually suffers from low self-esteem. In seeking love and acceptance, we can develop the illusion that meeting the needs of others will bring us rewards. "If I deprive myself my-self and gratify another person, they will return it at the same level," said Beasley. He explained that this is not necessarily true, because be-cause you must first love yourself if you are going to love your fellow man. He added that other illusions would lead us to believe that the needs of others are more important than our own, that if we ignore our feelings, someone else will recognize recog-nize and fulfill them, and that our happiness is based upon how "we are perceived by others. But, in reality, "happiness comes from within," he said. In contrast to these illusions, Beasley explained that we must first have the courage to value our own basic needs. "This is the first step toward restoring lost self-esteem," self-esteem," he said. Then define your "basic personal needs, wants and potential goals," which requires sticking to your beliefs "even if others disagree or reject you," said Beasley. Beasley says that you must value yourself because "sclf-loyalty and self-esteem make up personal fulfillment ful-fillment and happiness." "Life has expectations of us all," and we are all trying to be perfect he said. But the "perfectionist" "perfec-tionist" has no tolerance. "When we experience failure in our adult life, it reminds us of our adolescent failures," says Beasley. "So we try harder to be perfect." However, Howev-er, as we raise our expectations, we also raise the possibility for further disappointments leaving no margin for error. He explained that trying to be perfect is not realistic, and these disappointments disappoint-ments damage our self-esteem. |