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Show i what f f I L 2about: Chronic Influenza. PALM SPRINGS, CALIF. I came out here to get rid of my influenza. But as I pen these despairing words, my influenza in-fluenza is cuddled up to this inflamed bosom. This is not the puny, trifling influenza of the interior, but the sun-kissed, extra-special extra-special Influenza of golden Califor- nia the one outstanding out-standing product of this coast which our tourist bureaus do not advertise. . In the chronie form, it's like visiting vis-iting kinfolks from back East, arriving In the fall and hanging on all winter. win-ter. The kind I Irvin S. Cobb. "UVe 10,ng enough to make you wish you were dead and not quite long enough to kill you. After swallowing so many different differ-ent remedies I am, as you might say, full of conflicting emulsions. When I sneeze my watch stops. When I cough sea lions get jealous and I seem to feel a lot of things giving way Inside of me. When I open my mouth somebody sticks In either a pill or a thermometer and neither one helps. Testing Drunken Drivers. EOR testing drunken drivers the Cleveland police have a device named the opthalmic televlnocular stethoscope. But why not Just ask the suspect to pronounce it and abide by the results? Old times back home, we had our own system. We didn't follow the New York scheme of Inviting the alleged inebriate to say "Sissie Fitzgerald," Fitz-gerald," because he'd probably take refuge in his constitutional rights as a southern gentleman and refuse to bandy a lad's name In any such place as the calaboose. Under our plan, If a citizen was lying in the street and his fingers didn't move, he was intoxicated. But If even his little finger moved, he merely was resting. But we didn't have alcoholic automobiles au-tomobiles to pester us. The surplus sur-plus population was reduced with firearms or cutlery, thus giving everybody ev-erybody a chance. Mankind's Real Humanity. WHAT with this and that, just when a fellow is almost ready to decide that the human race should be charged off as practically practi-cally a total loss, something happens. This time It happened In a little mine in Nova Scotia where the calm heroism of two men, penned with the body of their dead comrade at the bottom of a caved-In shaft, was matched by the magnificent gallantry, gallan-try, the Incredible endurance of volunteer vol-unteer rescuers, who, by day and night, unceasingly labored on In momentary mo-mentary peril of death for themselves them-selves to save the lives of that trapped pair and did save them. And a week or so before that It happened when a young girl dragged the only other survivors of an airplane air-plane crash out of the flaming wreckage and ministered to them and forgot her own hurts while she waded long miles down a snow-drifted snow-drifted mountain to give the alarm, and, having given It, staggered back again to do what else she might. Bankers Versus Politics. DOLITICS certainly makes es- tranged bedfellows. But a Presidential campaign or two behind us and across the scene with thunderous tread stalked the sacred white cows of big money, their udders dripping wisdom, their gentlest bellow barkened to with eager ea-ger ears by candidates and delegates alike. Statecraft mingled with high finance was what they offered In a rich and creamy measure to one and all the pontifical Mitchell, the omnipotent om-nipotent Dawes, the Infallible Instill, In-still, the wondrous WIggin (subsequently (subse-quently known as the uncovered WIggin). And lo, the voice of Owen D. Young was heard In the land. But now, alas, where are the Ba-ruchs Ba-ruchs of yesteryear? Why, If this summer the average distinguished or, as the case may be, extinguished International banker bank-er tries to get Into either national convention they'll charge him admission. ad-mission. Meandering Horsemen. A DARING soul, residing In a back corner of Brazil, decided to ride horseback to New York. After Aft-er Jogging along some weeks In what might be described as a series of general directions, he reached Rio Janeiro, only to discover he'd already al-ready traveled 1,200 miles out of his way. The name Is given as Senor Sere-rino Sere-rino Moura Fonseca, but the gentleman gentle-man certainly behaved as though he were a congressional Investluatln; committee. Why. he even ontwnn-dered ontwnn-dered Senator Black of Alabama, and np nntil the other day, when the administration threw a net over him, the senator held the world's championship for loose wandering. It's startling. Isn't It, how suddenly sudden-ly the gre.it silence descends upon a statesman who gets out of line with the t'"p bosses? j Copyrisht WNU Scrvlc. |