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Show t Proceedings of the X Knockers' Club BY MURRAY SCHICK. irWTHAT will you have gcntle-Wl gcntle-Wl men?" asked the doctor, f 7 Everyone save the minister, minis-ter, who cajled for a cigar named a poisonous compound beglnlng with gin and ending with nn olive. While the waiter was on his Joyous errand, er-rand, the lawyer bethought himself to Inquire the underlying cause of the doetnr'u miinldponnn "There Is no effect without an adequate ade-quate cause," quoted the Professor. "The adequate cause in this case," confessed the Doctor, "weighs only 9 pounds." A gratified smile appeared on the face of the Minister. "I had no Idea that my argument against race suicide would make such an impression," he remarked. The Doctor was- in too good a temper to be rufiled even by this obvious challenge, chal-lenge, but the Lawyer' was not. "You assume," he said, ' that your argument was retroactive while, as a matter of fact, if you had made it earlier earl-ier I fear that we would not now be waiting for Ganymede with his cargo of Martini cocktnlls and," nodding to the Minister, "cigar." "While these other Knockers are quarreling," said the Professor In an aside, "I, as the champion of evolution, extend my congratulations. Science J deals with nations and races, not with individuals. The mother ls doing nicely. nice-ly. I hope?" The other Knockers forgot their personal per-sonal differences long enough to add their felicitations and good wishes. As the doctor acknowledged their congratulations con-gratulations he smiled inwardly, thinking think-ing of the apple of discord he was about to throw Into the club. "There is one matter," he said, clearing clear-ing his throat, "upon which I would like to receive your advice. The truth ls that I have never had experience in naming Infants and I want to know what modern science has to say on that subject." "Your Avisdom Is to be commended," snjd the Professor. "Few people realize real-ize the psychological Influence of noncs. I feel confident that the future of many a child has been wrecked by the Injudicious cognomen attached to it in its Impractical and visionary tendencies! ten-dencies! On the other hand if it turns out to be a child without any fondness, for romance, it Is always handicapped and misrepresented by Its fanciful offenses of-fenses that caused them to go to the reform school simply because they were tired of being called 'Willie' and wanted want-ed to be known as 'Bill.' "Spencer suys that tho names of men 'and women were taken originally from natural objects and occurrences around, as. for Instance, a kangaroo, a gum-tree, hall, snow, thunder, the wind, flowers In blossoms, etc. From this he argues that the worship of natural nat-ural objects and the elements results from mixing the dead people with the objects for which they were named. But this Is beside the subject. What I meant to say ls that a child should be given an unusual name a name which does not Imply any particular character and will encourage the bearer bear-er to cultivate his own Individuality. I woulc suggest that you call him 'Exe.' " J "An unknown quantity, eh!" sneered the Lawyer. "It would be as well to number children as to name them after tho letters of the alphabet." "What would you suggest?" Inquired the happy parent blandly. "A good old family name, by all means;. . What was your mother's maiden name?" "Shoemaker." "Well, that might be a little awkward till you got used to it, but It would fill the requirements. Family names should never be allowed to die out. They keep the child reminded of what he owes to his ancestors the traditions tradi-tions of hln race." "Always looking for precedents," commented the Professor. "You might say so," admitted tho lawyer, "but I will say this, that the accumulated wisdom of the past Is a better foundation than tho fancied discoveries dis-coveries of ono generation. Then the perpetuation of names Is often a great help in tracing the titles to property." "You remind me of one of my parish-oners," parish-oners," put In tho Minister. "She lived in the Marmalade district and was very fond of -her husband. Nothing would do but to name the child, who was a daughter, after its father. His name was Charles. The mother pondered pon-dered long and earnestly and she finally final-ly evolved tho feminine form. She had me christen the infant 'Charlesaph-lne,' 'Charlesaph-lne,' " " 'Exe and 'Shoemaker,' " urged the Minister. "It is appropriate, meaning the 'gift of God.' Think of the beautiful beauti-ful sentiment! It ls a common name, but that is an advantage for it is easy to remember und will help him In business. busi-ness. It has been a favorite In everv Christian land. In Russia It is 'Ivan!' In Spain 'Juan,' In Germany Mohan,' in France 'Jean,' but the meaning Is always the same. Christian him John and he will always have before him the example of that noble man" "Jack, the ripper." Interrupted the lawyer, "Jack, the the giant killer. Jack and Jill, and the house that Jack built." "You should be ashamed to assoclato that noble name with such characters," said the Minister reprovingly. "I can prove an ablll," retorted the lawyer. "A discriminating public applied ap-plied the name 'John,' or rather Its nickname, 'Jack,' to the above worthies." " 'Exe,' 'Shoemaker,' 'John,' " summarized sum-marized the Doctor. "Let us hear your choice," said three voices in chorus. "Oh! I have no choice," replied the Doctor Innocently. "I simply .wanted to get your ideas on the subject. My wife has already named the baby." The Professor was first to lose the blank look that .'jpread over three faces at this announcement. "And what was the name"'" he asked. "Helen," said the Doctor. |