Show SOME GOOD SHORT STORIES Senator Quays Joke New Orleans TimesDemocrat I dont know anything about Senator Quay as a statesman or a stock speculator spec-ulator said a gentleman who resides at Jacksonville Fla but I can bear witness hes mighty good company I met him down on theIndian river ev eral seasons ago and we were thrown together a good deal for upward of a month He was the life of the party ° and the best story teller I ever listened lis-tened to One of his favorite yarns was about a wicked drummer who used to flirt with the girls in a big dry goods store His wife found out about it and went over to warn the young women to have nothing to do with him It he speaks to you she said to the first clerk she encountered Just take a hat pin and jab himlike this When Quay reached that part of the narrative he would extract a pin from his coat and prod his listener Then she went on to the next girl he would continue and told her to grab the trifling rascal by the earlike thisthe first time she saw him and if he blustered blus-tered to give it a twistlike thisand lead him to the door As he spoke he would suit the action to the word Of course the whole point of the story was the torture that was inflicted on the hearer under the pretense pre-tense of Illustrating the suggestions of the unfortunate wife As a rule a man wouldnt catch on until he had been half murdered The story lasted as long as the victim would stand It some new indignity being described as each clerk was interviewed I have known Quay to tell it to thickheaded Floridians and get the wife up to the fourth story of the dry goods establishment before they realized real-ized that all the sufferings of the rascally ras-cally drummer were being reproduced on their own persons The rest of us would stand back and nearly die laughing but the senator would never crack a smile Some of the men to whom he told that anecdote will greatly regret his acquittal They think he ought to be hanged Illiterate But QuickWitted Fleralngsburg Ky TimesDemocrat Reuben Fields Is certainly an unique character The editor first knew him in Johnson county Missouri over thirty years ago He was then just about grown and possessed wonderful gifts In matters of mathematics and it was said you could never put a question to him for which he would not have an answer at his tongues end On one occasion two traveling men were discussing dis-cussing his case and one bet the other he could not spring r question on Rube which would puzzle him for an answer The first time he met Rube he said in a abrupt manner Rube If an Indian should come along and cut off the top of your head and take your brains away what would you do Quick as a flash Rube replied Go around without any like you do I Is needless to say he paid the bet with probably the cost of a western irrigation irriga-tion for the crowd Fields is a native of Bath county he would never < go to school and is wholly illiterate A Pretty Story of Giving Washington Post The prettiest story of the giving of presents that I know anything about is a chapter In the life romance of an adorable little woman who is the wife of an exsenator from a state in the middle mid-dle west She was a widow when the senator first met her and he a widower It was the afternoon of life with both of them but he woed her with the ardor ar-dor of a boy and the persistence of a man At one time she had definitely made up her mind that her duty forbade for-bade her t marry him and she told him so She was deaf to his pleading and he went away asking only that he might give her some gift in token of his unalterable affection She would accept nothing but a trifle a book she said and a book he gave her I was the most magnificent edition to be had and on the back was emblazoned the title Paradise Lost But later he add MS library their library in fact Paradise Regained Re-gained like a Lady Harpers Bazar Frances said the little girls mamma who was entertaining callers In the parlor you came down stairs so I noisily that you could be heard allover I all-over the house You know how to do i better than that Now go back and come down the stairs like a lady Frances retired and after the lapse of a minute reentered the parlor Did you hear me come down stairs this time mamma No dear I am glad you came down quietly Now dont let me ever have to tell you again not to come down noisily for agn that you can comedown come-down quietly if you will Now tell these ladles how you managed to come down like a lady the second time while the first time you made so much noise The last time I slid down the banisters i banis-ters explained Frances Hens Were Privileged New York Tribune A story Is told of n woman In England Eng-land who unexpectedly came Into a fortune for-tune and promptly hunted up a country coun-try house where she played the role of chatelaine to the manor born according accord-Ing to her own Ideas of the part One day some of her oldtime friends came to see her and she condescended to show them all over the place What beautiful chickens exclaimed the visitors when they came to the poultry yard Yes All prize birds haughtily explained ex-plained the hostess Do they lay every day Oh they could of course but grandiloquently In our position It isnt necessary for them to do so He Moved Up Irish Independent A little blackeyed and nlmble tongued Irish street car conductor In Dublin came into the car and called out In his peculiarly penetrating voice Wan seat on the roight Sit closer on the roight ladies and glntlemin an mek room for a leddy phwats stand InA A big surly looking man who was occupying space enough for two said sullenly We rant sit any closer Cant yez retorted the little conductor con-ductor Begorra you nlver went cortln thin I Is needless to say that room was made on the rolghr for the lady |