| Show THE PERFECT LADY Prominent Women Discuss the t Important Question WHO SHE IS AND HOW SHE ACTS lira Harrison Speaks of Society Belles 31rs Ineallslfiejllady Cleveland Named as a SIoileL WASHINGTON May 22 1S90 Special correspondence of THE HEHAID During the past week I have interviewed our leading lead-ing statesmens wives as to the perfect lady I find that each has her ideal and that their talks are full of good points of advice to lha young women of the land I first chatted with Mrs Harrison Said she Girls should imbibe good manners without with-out much teaching but there is one quality that mothers should impress on their daughters and that is that they should always al-ways consider other peoples pleasure before be-fore their own I am sure that this is the thing lacking in tho wellbred girl and I have been pained beyond measure by seeing see-ing girls when they were introduced to any person who for some reason they did not consider their equal bow coldly without one kindly word of greeting and turn the head to continue their interrupted conversation conver-sation with some friend That has happened hap-pened at my receptions and it occurred once or twice when I myself havo made tho introduction Disrespect to any caller at tho White House is disrespect to me and have decided never to officially recognize recog-nize girls whom I have seen guilty of this breach of kindness if not of etiquette I am fond of young girls and I like to see them winning and cordial in their manner to the most humble person who comes into their presence They can find ample time to enjoy their friends society in their own drawing room but when they are in any home to assist the hostess they should make courtesy to their guests the first consideration con-sideration I always think when I see anyone any-one disdainful of those whom they meet of the story of Washington when he met his colored manservant and raised his hat in response to the mans salutation Someone Some-one said to him Is it possible General Washington that you raise your hat to your slave i 11 Yes always for I will not have a slave outdo me politeness Tome continued Mrs Harrison that is the most essential lesson a girl can learn and if she remembers that story well older people will never have to blush for her andvith a little laughI will not have to debar her from the White House MRS HARIUSOXS ESTIMATE OF WASIIISGTOX SOCIETY 10 you not think Washington society open to criticism on other points No replied the Presidents wife I do not think of any special things for I think the capital deserves its claim to being the most friendly and courteous of cities There is ono custom that I have sometimes regretted and that is the fashion which has arisen in the last three years of not introducing in-troducing strangers to your friends Of course I do not mean making ceneral intro ductions for that has all the faults of the other extreme But it surely makes any caller feel more at her ease to have the right to speak to at least one person in the room In this city it is the more necessary because the official houses arc open to strangers It is understood that it is ala a-la s privilege to recognize anyone she has met in this way but at the time it is certainly more kindly and more American to introduce Then too as a rule a hostess invites very few people to her home whom every lady present cannot recognize SUE IS ENGLISH TOU KSOW One of the howling swells of this city is the wife of a rich man who is also a Senator Sena-tor She is a woman who has always had wealth and she is elegant looking Everything Every-thing about her position makes her a leader But her drawing room it not popular and it is easy to tell the reason She has tried to introduce English customs intD this plain American country A lady whom everyone every-one has learned to know and like describes a call at her house in the following manner hI called upon Mrs Blank because my position po-sition demanded that I should make the first call and thenlhad heard that she was such a brilliant woman that I was anxious to meet her When the butler annouced my name she turned a face of the kindliest welcome upon me I hope you are enjoying enjoy-ing your first winter in Washington said she and then turned to a group of ladles and gentlemen at her right and began talking talk-ing in a laughing witty way which they all enjoyed moro than I for I could not hear a word and evidently was not expected to She knew all her other guests well and I was a perfect stranger for she made not a single introduction I was just meditating a departure for I felt forlorn when she turned upon mo with a winning smile such as she had first vouchsafed me and said Wont you go to the dining room Mrs and have a cup of tea You will find Miss at the table A great hope sprang up in myheart that I would find a friend as well as a cup of teain the diningroom and 1 passed on through crowds of people whom I had never seen but who seemed to be intimately in-timately acquainted I think I never before be-fore saw other people having quite so genial gen-ial a time Reaching the diningroom I saw a girl who was presumably Miss for she was seated at the teaurn but she was engaged in a most piquant parley with half a dozen men who were evidently foreigners I waited patiently for the cup of tea which I had been led by the hostess hos-tess bland words to believe only awaited my coming but it was not until every foreigner had bowed himself out that my lady turned to mo and drawled Have you had tea No but I should liko a cup very much I said cheerfully all the time cherishing cher-ishing a hope that she would at least pretend pre-tend that she was as glad to see me as the gentlemen who bad just lelt But no she only said One lump1 as though she was paving me my choice or hanging by tile rope or death by electricity I sipped tea and she looked weary until a pretty girl and a half dozen men came in and then she gushed Oh you dear old duck you knew I would be bored at this wretched tea teable Why didnt you come before I never found out why the duck had not been on time for I left chagrined and homesick home-sick XinS SPEAKER HEED TALKS Mrs Reed the vife of the Speaker of the House is another lady who agrees with Mrs Harrison that the unkindliest custom in Washington is that of not making any introductions In talking of it she related a little incident of how when she first came to tho capital as a members wife she took a friend with her to call upon a lady high up in the official scale and who had just returned from abroad They entered the room were received winningly by the hostess who soon had to give her whole attention at-tention to some new arrivals The ladies who were receiving with her looked at them coldly chatted among themselves and thoy drifted through the rooms fairly ostracized because they chanced not to know any one We soon took our departure depart-ure said Mrs Reed and the lady who was with me said If this is hospitality for which Washington is so famous I will have none of it and I never again when BUG returned for a visit could persuade her to go with jne to that house I always continued she introduce people who enter my drawingroom and whom I see are i strangers if for no other reason than because be-cause I da not want them to feel as miserable miser-able as I did at my first call at that house One need ndver continue the acquaintance made in so impromptu a fashion I have talkedwith a number of ladies on the subject sub-ject and we all agree that inspite of fashions fash-ions ict we will make introductions In a further piquant chat about goodbreeding this little woman who by the way is as clever as her famously clover husband said that to her the perfect lady was tIm one who quickly interpreted the character of every bno who came into her presence and tried to make them feel at their ease Shepaid aTrettv compliment to Mrs Win J I f i I dom the wife of the secretary of the treasury treas-ury by saying that she came nearest to her ideal of a wellbred woman She always al-ways every guest who comes in her parlor and no matter how weary sheds she Jilways says the right thing to them and seems to Interpret theirneeds always paying pay-ing most attention to shy people In speaking of tho training of girls Mrs Reed said that above everything else they should be taught to be genuine whatever they did to mean it as nothing was so easily detected as insincerity MRS SENATOR ISGALLS IDEAL Every woman has an ideal woman whom some one of her sex inmost equals As Mrs Windon is Mrs Reeds so is a woman now almost forgotten in Washington the ideal of that thoroughly lovely woman Mrs Ingalls Mrs Carlisle Patterson according ac-cording to her was the most perfect lady the capital has ever seen Ten years ago Mrs Patterson was leader society here and so kindly was she that her good deeds have lived afterTier reign Mrs Ingalls describes de-scribes her by saying that she had a quality qual-ity which the most ignorant person recognized recog-nized but which tim most learned could not dofine Said she Mrs Patterson used to come into my house and some way even the servants treated her with more reverence than they did my other guests I used to watch tho effect that her presence had on different people and even those who seemed most to lack delicate intuition would appreciate her rare charm I once took a lady to call upon her whom I thought had every good quality but one that of delicacy of feeling When we came out she said Was there ever so perfecta perfect-a woman She is like a bit of most fragile china But Mrs Patterson had generations genera-tions of good breeding back of her though I think a woman can be a perfect lady without that Indeed I have noticed mem bers other own family who did not have a touch of her peculiar graciousness I know a woman who in my own city would easily eas-ily put with Mrs Patterson though she bad neither wealth nor a great family to give it to her She had all sorts of adversities adver-sities and yet she was always I the perfect lady As I recall her perfect character think its peculiar charm was in the fact that she never omitted a dotailof kindness Instead of thinking kind things she always al-ways did them and1 do not know whether that is toot the s quality that most of all makes the woman werscognue as the perfect per-fect lady It is true that southern women as a rule are held up as examples of perfect womanliness and I take it is not because they are Tone whit more kindly of hert but because they study the art of pleasing more andI wonder too if their seeming helplessness does not have much to do with their reputation I have noticed that en if you do so slight a thing asto ask them to your diningroom to take a cup of tea they look at you in such a helpless fashion that a flutter of pity fills your heart and you involuntarily in-voluntarily take them out all the time thinking What a sweet woman I After thrs little talk Mrsringalls wrote a note in which she so well defined the qualities quali-ties of the perfect lady that I give it A woman maybe cultivated accomplished stylish and thoroughly aw fait in all the forms and customs of polite society and still be lacking in the essential qualities that make a lady On the other hand a true lady may be neither stylish or accustomed accus-tomed to society but she will grace any occasion she may honor by her presence The true lady possesses the refinement of heart and soul that reveals itself in every action In training a daughter a mother should endeavor to instill kindness heart and thoughtfulness of others and to be thoroughly unselfish Both Mrs Miller wife of the attorney general and Mrs SOnator Hearst think that simplicity is the chief est charmof a young girl and Mrs Miller says above everything every-thing else a young girl should act so as to receive the praise of older people > ONE OF ins SEX ROR TUTES STORIES According to Mrs Senator Frye of Maine Mrs Hamilton Fish was one of the most perfect ladies ever in official life here Her eight years reign as the wife of General Gen-eral Grants secretary of state was certainly cer-tainly unmatched in the annals of Washington Wash-ington women and her acts and decisions are still quoted The story is told of her when one of the other cabinet ladies at the close of General Grants last term suggested sug-gested that they lay down some rule for the government of future cabinet ladies saying say-ing with considerable esprit Madam we have done as we chose Let us permit our successors to follow their own pleasure Mrs Frye tells a story of her that shows her sweet thoughtfulness Her little daughter was home from school and tile mother took her with her when she called upon Mrs Fish introducing her by name Alice and mentioning that she was home for a short vacation The ndxt week the little maiden was over joyed to find by the side of her father and mothers invitation to a large reception a card bearing the words For Miss Alice A few years later when that little Alice died the heartbroken heart-broken mother met Mrs Fish and there was no word spoken but only a gentle touch of the hand that made the tears come to the eyes of both That is sweetness and surely the perfect lady must have this kindly thoughtfulness of children Mrs Frye says that the thing most to be criticised in Washington t is something some-thing that people have complained of ever since society organizedthat of an invited guest taking the liberty to take one or two or a dozen friends with her to a reception or entertainment She says this same Mrs Fish once said sadly that should she invite five thousand people to her house there would certainly be fifteen thousand It is a fact that women who entertain lavishly here always prepare for onethird more guests than they have invited It has grown to be the custom said she and hostesses expect to hear I just took the liberty to bring my friends who were only in tho city for a few days Another thing for which society has been crltisised is certainly cer-tainly improving and that is the unseemly behavior in the diningroom It was said that at an entertainment at the former Mexican Ministers the wino bottles were piled up under the tables and men did not wait for corkscrews bat taking two bottles broke the necks by striking thorn gather There was an instance of this a few years later where a woman eagerly held out her glass for the wine that her escort was pro paring for her in that way and in her haste she leaned too far over and the wine spurted the length of her elegant train I think every one was glad that she had on a dress that it would completely ruin and since the mishap there has not been such haste in the matter MRS CLEVELAKD IS MRS SENATOR COOK BELLS IDEAL Mrs Grover Cleveland is the ideal according ac-cording to Mrs Senator Cookrell toe wife of the Missouri Senator and she gives the I best of reasons for her choice Mrs Clevelands simplicity of manner was what made her tho perfect lady said she although al-though I think even that would not havo made her so dearly loved if she had not had With it a gentle dignity which kept her from being conusedin the most trying situations A woman who is easily flus trated no matter what her other charms can never appear the wellbred woman I saw Mrs Cleveland in society where she was both guest and hostess I saw her in the privacy of her life at Oak View and 1 think I never no matter how familiar I became be-came with her qualities missed expressing to myself or whoever was with me my admiration ad-miration for her uniform affibilltv and gentleness gen-tleness People seeing her just once might have thought it assumed for tho time but I know it was natural Did you ever think that that woman in the whole time sho was constantly before the public never said one word that Mr Clevelands enemies could turn in the slightest degree to his HIt That is a marvel to any ono who has been in Washington society for any length of time for I know I haY piled In my heart men whose wives had so little tact that they would openly say things which would endanger en-danger their husbands prospects THE MOST TACTFUL WOMAN Tact is a great thing anyway and especially espe-cially necessary in the wife of a public man If I was saying what was the first thing agirl shbuld be taught in order to make Her a lady I would say this very quality qual-ity which Mrs Cleveland had in such a marked degree Kindliness has to be inborn in-born and I will not deny that it is the foundation stone of the perfect ladys character char-acter but tact can be taught and every mother should teach it to her daughters Do I think that southern women are better bred than northern Well no I agree with Kate Field that therewill soon be no comparison possible between the two Of course the daughters of the south have a charm of manner that is an inheritance oJ with them and that their whole education is of aldnd to foster There is ono quality I that I think is incompatible with the idea of a perfect lady and that is the saying of just what one thinks 1 have noticed that people who say what they think usually think very unjust things As regards toe abuses of Washington society I think it is no better or worse than any other city Critics have made a great point of the way guests rush to a supperroom tho minute the door is opened They may do it from the worst motives because they came for nothing but thsir hosts champagne and terrapin but T always when I Alit a hostess look upon the guests who go to the dining room first as being my most considerate friends for in making out my list 1 always think Well I can surely have more than my two drawingrooms will hold for throe will always be a third at least in the dm ingroom I havo yet to see anything ill bred in a Washington drawingroom for the American citizen whatever else he isis is-is well bred before women I have heard of men drinking out of finger bowlsby the way have you noticed that it is always a man who is mentioned as doing that dreadful thingbut I have yet to see iV MRS PRESIDENT HATES AS THE PERFECT LADY Mrs J C Burrows of Michigan thinks that Mrs Hayes was the most perfect type American womanhood In speaking of her today she said Although I think that several generations of refinement and wealth as a rule make a wellbred woman any one with a kindly heart and an inclination inclina-tion to be unselfish can become one Mrs Hayes was born like many of us of a I simple and plain family yet she was never in any society where she was ill at ease The greatest charms of her character were genuineness and an unselfish desire to make every one around her have a pleasant time MRS CLARKSOKS SPIOT TALK Mrs Clarkson the wife of the assistant postmastergeneral said Who is a perfect per-fect lady Who is a Christian you might as well ask for the two are about the same It is easier to say who is not a wellbred woman ana first of all I would say that it is not the woman who speaks shrilly or crossly to her servants or those under her In many a parlor I have heard a mistress order her servants about in a way that has made me conclude that whatever other attributes at-tributes of a lady she may have she was woefully lacking in one The best of a woman is notseen in a drawingroom md polish injures rather than improves ladylike lady-like characteristics I have seen the kindest kind-est woman in the world polished until she became a very flint The woman who is constantly willing to forget herself and look out for the happiness of other people is the one who will most quickly receive the the title of lady Miss GRUXDY JR |
