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Show How Long in Viet Nam? 90 Years? ; By Robert Ewegen The Collegiate Press Service (As presented by Little Boy Johnson, president of the United States and grandson of a former President whom we all know and love. The address was delivered at the dedication of the American military cemetery "Gettysburg East," outside of Saigon in the year 2052). Mah fellow Americans: Foah score and seven yeahs ago, my grandfather brought forth upon this continent of Asia a new political concept, conceived con-ceived in expediency and dedicated to the proposit'.on that we are better dead than red. Now we are engaged in a Great Society (oops, I mean a Great Civil War), and for that matter have been engaged in that Great Civil War for four score and seven years now, testing test-ing whether that concept of a permanent American military presence in Asia or any concept so ill-conceived and so in-ept'y in-ept'y executed, can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war, a battlefield battle-field where General Ky was overthrown by General Hee, where General Hee was overthrown by General Me, where General Me was overthrown by General Wee, where Gnral Wee was overthrown by General Gee, and so forth through the 56 different dif-ferent coups that finally culminated last spring in General Flea's government, which we are now convinced is in a position posi-tion to bring to this nation the political stability that is so necessary if we are to begin to effectively roll back the" eression from the north. f Excuse me folks, I just received an urgent note. 0h 4 not again). Harrumph. What I meant was the 57 coUps " finany culminated in General She's coup three minJ which we are finally convinced is in a position to at last offer this nation the political stability that is . . . Hmmrph. Be that as it may. We have come to dedw this battlefield as a fitting memorial to the light to m. e losses that our forces have sustained over the past 87 yea; sa that my grandfather and his successors could test the theory that the way to bring Hanoi to the peace table Was j, esca'ate further. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do thi, and anyone who thinks otherwise is a nervous nellie and Zi ably a traitor besides and simply helping to prolong the The world will long note and long remember what we ja here, probably because we will still be doing it, but the wo will probably never understand WHY we did it. And frankly, I'm fed up with that kind of idiotic question ing emanating from the capitals of the world over the k nine decades! I DON'T CARE WHY WE ARE HERE! THP POINT IS WE ARE HERE AND IT'S TOO LATE TO pm? OUT NOW' WE ARE GOING TO STAY HERE! WE M GOING TO ESCALATE! THIS UNPATRIOTIC PRACTICE OF DEFERRING GRANDFATHERS HAS TO STOP SO THAT We CAN BUILD UP OUR TROOP COMMITMENT TO 68,000 W) MEN ONLY THEN WILL WE HAVE AN ADEQUATE STRENGTH RATIO OF 84 to 1 NECESSARY TO PUT DOWN THIS INSURRECTION. And as long as I am President, mah fellow Americans, I promise you this: we shall not withdraw, I promise that this nation, under me, shall have a new birth of conformity (boy will we shut up those peaceniks) and that government of coiji sensus, by manipulation for the sake of saving face shall not perish from the earth, although admittedly the population might. |