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Show Pundit Predicts Events By Paul D. Beatty "Hello, Dali" And hello, Freshmen. And while we are yet in the week that we spend speaking to the Novitiates, I would like to inform them of a series of explosive ex-plosive events which will occur this year and rock the University Univer-sity to its very foundation. Trouble Ahead These cataclysms, I suspect, are planned and perpetrated by the Board of Regents. For in past years these happenings have served to prevent excessive exces-sive student discord, protest and riot, being sufficiently riotous riot-ous in themselves. The first shocking event: A Professor of Philosophy will arise and accuse the majority religion of practicing "thought control." (The majority religion will stage a surprising comeback and open their ward houses the following Sunday and practice prac-tice what they preach (almost). Conjunctive Smut Second shocker: The Board of Directors will demand the instant removal of a collection of cunieform tablets and a nearby podium from the Union, because "it bears all the appearances ap-pearances of 'conjunctive pornography.' por-nography.' " The Chronicle will run front page pictures for your prurient edification. Third: A majority of English majors under the influence of the Board and James Baldwin will gather a few hesitant Negroes Ne-groes and show them to President Presi-dent Hugh B. Brown. (During this crisis, young scholars, avoid saying "some of my best friends are Mormons.") Mor-mons.") But now, let us let "Hello Week" end with this whisper, "bye bye, baby," for I'll be damned if I'll talk to another Freshman this year. |