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Show 1 Ml L Cyclops Lighter Side By Bryan Gray Retaliate with catsup Listed in the football program at 6'5" and 275 pounds. Rich Ipaktchian is a formidable opponent, not the type of person you'd want to anger by pulling some stupid stunt. At the University Univer-sity of Utah he seldom found a situation he could not control, whether it be a slightly tipsy underclassman in the Commons or a bullish fullback intent on cracking through the Redskin line. But last week Rich found a situation unlike anything he'd seen before: A heated display of antagonism between smokers and non-smokers. Since graduating from the university, Rich has been managing . ' a fast-food restaurant in Davis County. He has seen his share of :. ' local violence: Kids smearing ice cream on tabletops, little - . rascals throwing ice cubes in his floral planters, teenagers racing. . souped-up Firebird engines through the drive-in window lane, .' etc. But the smoking incident, he says, is. the worst he !d. ever ; '' seen. .' ' It began when a middle-aged couple sat down at a booth in the non-smoking section and, in between the order of onion rings,' ' decided to light up two cigarettes. This immediately drew a reaction from several young mothers and their children seated nearby. A preference in hamburgers may include mustard, catsup cat-sup or pickles but hamburgers with a hazy layer of smoke rings is an unappetizing combination. Words were exchanged, including many words not found in Biblical texts. And soon one of the young women approached Rich at the counter. "These people are smoking in the non-smoking section," said the lady, "and the smoke is bothering my children's eyes. Do something about it!" At this point, says Rich, the two smokers moved 10 feet away to a table in the smoking area, and the manager thought the smoky battle was over. He was wrong! Several minutes later, the woman once again approached the counter. "Do you know what those people did?" she asked. "They just left the restaurant and, passing by our table, they threw their cigarette butts and their ashes on our hamburgers. Let me call the police." The ladies raced to the parking lot, jotted down the license plate number of the Marlboro couple and presumably telephoned tele-phoned the authorities. An hour later one of the smokers telephoned tele-phoned the restaurant's owner to complain about "rude" people peo-ple and ask that the smoking section sign be increased. As for my critique of the incident. ..Since I've quit smoking 84 times, I know full well that abstention from tobacco is absolutely absolute-ly no problem. It seems strange that tobacco fiends cannot refrain from lighting up during the short time of consuming an onion ring and a strawberry shake. It also seems strange that ' tobacco fiends cannot walk 10 feet to a nearby table. .and it seems equally strange that the tobacco fiends cannot read signs measuring l'x2' (unless, of course, the smoke got in their eyes). But the strangest part of the entire episode is the act of dumping cigarette butts on a child's hamburger. That's an antisocial anti-social act not covered by either Emily Post or Utah State statute. sta-tute. It should make all smokers wheeze-and it should also lead to the Cyclops-approved retaliation. Next time that happens to you, don't jot down the license number. Don't call the police. Instead, race out to the car and squirt catsup on the smoker's front seat. A catsup stain is darn near as good as a cigarette burn. |