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Show Dear JOHNT by John Waterbury Questions or comments regarding alcoholism, drug abuse, or the related life-problems may be sent to, 36 South State Street, 21st floor, Salt Lake City, Utah 84 1 1 1 . These letters form the basis of the "Dear John" column. Dear John I have trouble talking to people. I always have. It's just my personality. I think I was born that way. Anyway, I don't like it. Can it be fixed? Broken Dear Broken You're not alone. To some extent most people have problems with communication skills. Or at least they're not satisfied with the ones they have. But never fear, you're not stuck the way you are. You're not broken. You don't need to be fixed. Many times, people who have poor communication skills tend to have a poor self image. They lack confidence and that keeps them from reaching out verbally to others. To work around these problems, the key seems obvious: Act yourself into a new way of thinking and feeling. Be honest, sincere and caring. Be assertive. Smile. Call people by their name. Show your interest in others. Be considerate. Be thoughtful. Be generous gener-ous with praise and cautious with criticism. Be willing to give of yourself. And most importantly, be a good listener. Simple, huh? Dear John I guess everyone has problems. Many people accept them. Some work on them, and a few work through them. With this in mind, the following piece from Al-Anon seems to be a very useful guide to life. Southern Serenity Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appaul me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime. Just for today I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that "most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be." Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it. Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don't want to do - just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it. Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, keep my voice low, be courteous, criticize not one bit. I won't find fault with anything, not try to improve or regulate anybody but myself. Just for today I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: Hurry and indecision. Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself, and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective of my life. Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me. Dear S.S. This AI-Anon information has always been a favorite of mine. Let's hope these ideas catch on. Life can be managed very effectively one day at a time. Confidentially: ' 'Don 'l lei being where you are now keep you from getting where you want to be." |