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Show Kathleen Norris Says: The Modem Stepmother Problem BeU Syndicate. WNU Features. 1 Yesterday's event was Carol's teasing her father to send Mommy a fur coat. "She said she would give me the prettiest doll in Watson's if you would give her a lur coat." By KATHLEEN NORRIS " T SUPPOSE I am just one I more confidential secre-tary secre-tary who pitied a lonely and misunderstood man," writes Alice Carter from Buffalo, Buf-falo, "but it didn't seem that way three years ago, when Fred and I were married. His wife was entirely willing to divorce him and hand over to him full custody of their three-year-old daughter, Carol. Fred's' and my love was the only thing in my life that mattered, mat-tered, but I adored the child for his sake, and indeed, until recently, when she has been getting somewhat out of hand, Carol was as sweet a baby as I ever saw. She is very pretty, and her mother, who has her every other week-end when she is anywhere near, spoils her. She has consulted Hollywood talent scouts about Carol, and got Carol a permanent when she was only five years old, which annoyed Fred and me, who want to keep her childlike. "But these things aren't the problem. prob-lem. What is, is that Arlene systematically syste-matically goes about undermining my influence with Carol. She tells her that I am no more to her than to any other little girl at school, and that when my own baby comes I will not care for Carol any more. She says not to ask me what she may do or not do, but to wait until Daddy comes home. Confused Child Is Impudent. "Carol is becoming confused by all this, and. with a child that means impudent and unmanageable. A few days ago she said to me, 'Mommy says you like money. She says you would never have married Daddy except for his money. She asked me if Daddy had his face lifted before be-fore he married you.' "The commonness of this sort of thing distresses me, as does also the fact that Arlene takes Carol off on rather peculiar week-end visits to various clubs and mountain cabins. cab-ins. Carol, at six, naturally notices nothing amiss, but the time is coming com-ing when she will. Yesterday's event was Carol's teasing her father to send Mommy a fur coat. 'She said she would give me the prettiest doll in Watson's if you would give her a "I don't know," Alice's letter goes on, "whether this seems actually pernicious to you, but it does to me. The constant nervous pressure on the child is certainly bad for her; the divided allegiance, the unfair appeal to her little sympathies, all upset her normal relationship with her father and me. If Arlene would only marry again things would be better, but she is one of scores of women who prefer freedom and a generous alimony to domestic responsibility. re-sponsibility. "Now she has written to ask Fred to lunch with her, 'to talk about our small girl's welfare.' Perhaps I am bitter, but it doesn't seem to me that that welfare has concerned her much up to this point. But Fred is rather touched by her interest. in-terest. 'Lots of charm in Arlene,' he said at breakfast. I have had full care of Carol for more than three years; her baths and naps, dressing and exercise, school and clothes, days in bed with colds, gym and doctor and dentist. Partly because be-cause of Arlene's alimony, I have never had a nurse for her. We have sacrificed many an evening engagement engage-ment because our only servant is an old oriental, and not quite suitable as a nurse for a small girl. "Now her mother resumes inter-est, inter-est, and is annoying and upsetting me as only a clever and malicious CHILDREN COME FIRST The welfare and progress of their children should be the first consideration of all parents. par-ents. Usually this is the case. The exception is presented this week in the story of a mother who is upsetting her chilcTs personality by cruel and spiteful actions against her former husband and his second sec-ond wife. She had divorced the man and turned full custody cus-tody of their child to him when the child was three years old. But now, three years later, she is systematically systemati-cally undermining the child's confidence in the second wife and the father. The stepmother step-mother asks Kathleen Norris' advice on how to stop this dangerous menace to the child's well-being. woman can. Can you suggest any way by which we can settle this? Arlene ' lives in a town 12 miles away, so that she and the child would not meet ordinarily." Child Must Have One Guardian. Alice, this is just one more variation, varia-tion, and a not uncommon one, of the second-wife problem. My only suggestion would be that you have a talk with Fred about it, and insist either that Carol go to her mother to stay, which I can assure you in advance ad-vance wouldn't be Arlene's idea at all, or that she be handed over' entirely en-tirely to you and her father. Fred is 42; Alice just 20 years younger. But even women much older than Alice often become dazzled daz-zled by the prospect of a happy marriage, mar-riage, and pay small attention to the settlements and promises that precede it. Now she finds herself fretted on three counts; Fred's reawakened re-awakened interest in Arlene, Carol's Car-ol's growing independence and rudeness, rude-ness, and Arlene's machinations to destroy her domestic peace. Fred might well spike Arlene's guns at this proposed luncheon by telling his former wife that there is to be a new baby at his house-; that Carol is growing somewhat unmanageable, un-manageable, and that he would be glad to turn the child over to her completely. He would be perfectly safe in doing this, especially if he' suggested that Arlene's alimony would be expected to cover the child s expenses, n Anene Deggea off this responsibility, as she would do, he might then decree that the week-ends must stop, explaining that they are growing demoralizing to the child. Since Arlene abandoned her baby at the age of two years and preferred pre-ferred to take her own way, she certainly cer-tainly will not want the responsibility responsibili-ty of a six-year-old now. It is an exacting age. There are considerations considera-tions of school, lessons, :Iothes, gym, dentist, health, parties, friends. Arlene might try it, briefly. But she would inevitably turn toward a boarding-school, and because boarding board-ing - schools are expensive, that would mean that the child was once more restored to her father and stepmother. step-mother. There is a hint in Alice's letter that Arlene may be an unfit guardian for a small daughter, and if that is true, she will be all the less willing to have a witness to her affairs. Parents Must Consider Child First. Children ought to be the first consideration con-sideration in the life of all fathers and mothers. Many a woman, if she knew the irreparable injury that quarrels, separations and legal questions ques-tions would do to the growing minds and hearts and souls of her children, would adapt herself more heroically and self-sacrificingly to the home conditions she has thought insufferable. |