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Show This politician who promises the moon the editor's 1 I By MARC HADDOCK I hadn't seen Grumble for a long time when he came to my door campaigning for someone running in yesterday's primary election. I thought the visit unusual, since my city didn't participate in the primary election process, but Grumble was enthusiastic, if a bit testy. So I listened. "...and furthermore," he was saying, "Mr. Bandoofenstien has made our greatest health hazard his number one priority. He has vowed to clean up public restrooms." What? I asked without a hint of restraint. "He'll clean up public restrooms.'' How do you know that. . "He says so right here in this pamphlet." Grumble had been trying to get me to take the pamphlet for several minutes - exactly as long as I had been refusing to take it. Finally I gave in, just to put an end to the contest. "Vote for Bandoofenstien," shouted the bold red type on the front cover. Then inside, "He puts the Tidy Bowl man to shame." Grumble was flushed with excitement. ex-citement. "Isn't it great?" he said. "Here's a m an who really has our best interests inter-ests at heart. He's promised to clean up the toilets from Lehi to Nephi." What is this guy running for? I asked my erstwhile friend. "Why, he hopes to be the next that an animal control officer has nothing to do with public restrooms. After all, his clients' concept of a public restroom is the nearest fire hydrant. "What's your point," Grumble said in annoyance. Just that this guy can't do anything any-thing about restroom sanitation, in Lower Goshen or anywhere else. "He can make a lot of noise," Grumble grumbled. True. But it will be meaningless noise full of sound and fury, signifying sig-nifying nothing - to borrow a phrase. It will be noise unheard by the people who make restroom sanitation sanita-tion a daily concern. Besides, this guy will spend most of his days chasing possibly-rabid raccoons through the woods around Lower Goshen, never coming near a public pub-lic restroom. "You've never been to Lower Goshen, have you," Grumble said. "There are no woods and no raccoons. rac-coons. There aren't even very many dogs. Which means my man Bandoofenstien Ban-doofenstien will have lots of time to worry about clean restrooms all over the county." Okay, I conceded. But why are you all concerned about clean restrooms. "Don't you understand," Grumble said with a. bit of impatience. "Restrooms constitute a major health hazard. They are breeding grounds for germs of all kinds. We have a whole group of people who are backing Bandoofenstien all the way here, lendingmoney, doingthe paper work, giving time and other support. "We need to win this election so we can send a message to all those politicians who neglect clean restrooms that they had better clean up their act, or they will be out on their ears." So, what else does this guy stand for? "How should I know? I just know that he stands for clean restrooms and so do I. That's enough for me." I can't help you, you know. I'm not registered to vote on Lower Goshen. Nobody within 20 miles of my home is. "That's true," Grumble admitted. admit-ted. "But I hate Lower Goshen, so I figured I would do my part of the campaign here. I figured even if I couldn't drum up support for Bandoofenstien, Ban-doofenstien, I could clear up the restroom issue. "I'll be running on to the next house, now." I wish your candidate luck, I yelled to Grumble as he walked away. I promise to think of him the next time I stop at the local service station. And that's a promise I intend to keep just as diligently as any politician. animal control officer for Lower Goshen." When did you move to Goshen? "I didn't. But I believe in Ban-doofenstien's Ban-doofenstien's movement, and I'll do everything I can to further the cause." So I tried to explain the facts of life to my friend. You understand, don't you, I said, |