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Show roared. "I have been Incarcerated in both!" Chicago Tiibune. I Not a Heavyweight. A short time ago a young candidate for parliamentary honors was addressing ad-dressing an open-air meeting In a rural ru-ral district near Ipswich. He held his hat in his left hand, crown downward, down-ward, and having deposited his mms. inside, proceeded to read his speech. Presently the speaker was Interrupted Interrupt-ed by an old rustic, who exchiirned: "More In thee 'at than iu thee, 'ead, lad!" Tit-Dlts. An Effort to Olige. "Mr. Lobrow does his best to be agreeable," said the sympathetic young woman. It's too bad that he has so little tact" "I understand that Mrs. Coddleyap refuses to speak to him. lie sent her a box of condy and she fed it all to her p"t terrier. So he tried to be still more kind and thoughtful and sent her a box of dog biscuit" Washington Star. Couldn't Do It. "I can't stay lng," said the chairman chair-man of the committee from the colored col-ored church. "I just come to se? if yo wouldn't Jolu do mission band." "Fo' de lan' sake., honej," replied the old mammy, "doln come to me. I can t even play a mouf organ." LIppincott's. H's Only Hopue. W. O Hart of New Orleans tells this story: An old ne;ro was brought up before the Judge charged with ' chicken stealing, and when the usual question was propounded, "Guilty or not pulpy?" he suld. "I don't know, boss; I jest throw myself on the Ignorance Ig-norance of the court" Case and Comment ' Unfeeling Tommy. Mother What are you crving for, Hertle?' liertle Tommy hurt me. Mother How did he hurt you? Hcrtle I was going to hit him, and he ducked bis bead no's I hit tho 'wall. L'.oo-hoo! 'Ht-IJ.ts. An Enduring Enterprise. ; "Did any of your ancestors do things to cause posterity to remember remem-ber them?'' usked the haughty woman. wom-an. "I reckon they did." replied Farmer Corn toss el. "My grandfather put mortgages on this plate that hint paid oiT yet." Washington Star. The Innocent Maid. "Do you believe in high license?" ' asked the young man la the parlor scene. . i "Well," replied the Innocent maid, "I don't believe the license should be high enough to discourage matri-I matri-I mony," Chicago News, i ! The Job for Him. I IJlobbs I don't know what to make I of that boy of mine, lie Is never ' around when he is wanted. Slobbs Why don't you try and get him a job on the police force? Philadelphia Phila-delphia Record. JUST FOR FUN Cloee to tho Poople. At the entertainment Monday night Miss Ressie Drowning recited that i soft-talk iocm, "I WP1 Chotwe a ' iJwoGtaoart from the Crowd Toalght," I w'th ouch earuettness and euiotlou 1hat all tho young men made tlulr getaway before the show was half over. ResKte has never won a medal for looks, but sho can recite to beat the band. Mamie Snltz Is cutting quite a ' swath on Arapahoe street because she won tbe prize nt the elocution contest Tuesday nlghL Sho stuttered so painfully that everybody wondered what sho was saying ber piece twic for. Her father was Judge of tb-conloeL tb-conloeL Big Bond News Notes fi. Rlvertou (Wyo.) News. His Singular Prejudices. "What do yo i roaslder th? loudest cr Ing evlis of tills counti)?" I'll pantly RMked tb? reporter The militant reformer and socloll gist who had come from the other J sldo of tho ocean to straighten out tho tangle In this crude and uncouth republic did not hesitate a moment. 1 "Your barbarous Jails and your balf-chllled bleeping earn," be |