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Show JUST FOR FUN Eloping Up to Date. The coatleea man puts a careless arm 'Round tho waist of the hatless girl, YYhllo over the diutless.mudless roads In a horseless wagon they whirl Like a loadless bullet from hammer-less hammer-less gun. By smokeless powder drlvf n. They fly to taste the speechless joys By endless union given. The only luncheon his eolnless purso Affords to them the means Is a tasteless meal of boneless cod, With r dish of stringlesa beans. He smokes his old tobaccoloss pipe And laughs a mirthless laugh When papa tries to coax her back By wireless telegraph. Motor Record. Direct Tectlmony. "You said you made a personal examination ex-amination of the premises," Interrupted Interrupt-ed the rural magistrate. "Wnat did you find?" "Oh, nothing of consequence," answered an-swered the witness; "'a btggarl7 account ac-count of empty boxec," as Shakespeare says." "Never mind what Mr Shakespeare said," rejoined the r. tu. "He will be summoned to testify for himself, If he knows anything about the case." Chicago News. It Was to Laugh. "Jane," said a lady rather sharrly to her cook, "I must Insist that you keep better hours and that you have 188 company In tho kltcben at night. Last night you kept mo from sleeping because ot the uproarious laughter of one of your woman friends." "Yls. mum, I know," was the apologetic apolo-getic reply; "but she couldn't help It. I was a-tellln of her how you tried to make cako ono day." Ladies' Home Journal. How He Got Out of It. "I finds you." said Brother Dickey to one of the lay members. "I say I finds you netUn down befo' one er de biggest dinners I ever seen, an' I want tor ask you. plain an' 6lmrle, did you come by It honest?" "Dr'er Dickey," replied the lay member, mem-ber, "dis Is one time In my life dat I is too full fer utterance!" Blarney. Norah Why do you call mo your Jewfl, Patrick? Officer Clancy Bekase your eyes sparkle lolk diamonds, your teeth are Inlke pearls and even your volco has an emerald ring to It! Browning's Brown-ing's Magazine. A Guss. School Teacher Tommy, what Is the feminine corresponding to tho masculine "stag?" Tommy (whoso mother Is a society leader Afternoon tea. ma'am. Evening Ev-ening Wisconsin. A Dire Failure. Mrs. Gay Maud says she dresses enllrtiy to please her husband. Mrs. Kay Then she doesn't succeed. Her dressmaker's bills make him swear horribly. Boston Transcript. Where She Dungled. The rabbit and the rooster show That Nature's ways arc qur; One has hair without a comb and one A comb without the hair. Boston ranscrlpL The Usual Thing. "Doctor, is It absolutely necessary to operate on me?" -Nno. But it's customary." To-ledo To-ledo Blade. |