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Show rwwwi i w i ' - Humor md philosophy By DUNCAN M. SMtH 4 1 i PERT PARAGRAPHS. it Is truly' discouraging when tho fruit of all our labor turns out to he a lemon. , One trouble about near poetry la that it nover geta anywhere near dollars. it Isn't that a woman talks so much, but that she talks so long. Rome mcu are so wise that they require re-quire three languages and seveu dialects dia-lects to express themselves In. A man's opinion of us helps wonderfully won-derfully In making an estimate of him. Tho mau who keeps bis only good deeds in a safety deposit vault would be wise to carry Are Insurance good in the next world. Perhaps the reason he doesn't go home till morning Is because he feels that be will need the entire dayto explain ex-plain In. One reason why there Is bo much noise In the world Is because so mauy of us must do our own advertising. The man who would rather tight than eat Is always sure who la going to get licked. It Is possible to spend so much time entertaining regret that opportunity will becomo piqued and tnko French leave. Not the Modtrn Kind. "Hero on tho plains of Marathon li whore the Greeks made their great stand against the Persian Invasion." "Great stand, was It?" "Why. it Is historic." "Greek stiiud?" "Yes, yes." "MusNhave been n fruit stand." gJVBBBK Obviously. VfLMH "When Is a SKI W "e not n "cr RJ "Then what?" L "When It is a JfcM. perfect shame." What We Mits. Wa travel round fpr rest and change. To see tho sights accounted strange; In frenzied chaie wo spend our days And all the dollars we can raise. In Spain and Mexico and France And anywhere we havo a chance, In every far and foreign land. But mlu tho wonders cloao nt hand. That Isn't any way to act. We might do better, for a fact. By holding In some small regard The wonders In our neighbor's jard Ills hen so keenly on the lay That It turns out threo eggs a day, Tho yellow rooster down the block ' That answers nicely for n clock. Tho mission furniture, perhaps. Made by soma Interesting chaps Just with a kntto and on tho sly Bonio small nsslstanco from Old SI. Or, right beneath our very hand, Hand painted china, very grand, I Worth thirty cents to learn which art Our wfves with twenty had to part. I But, no; wa mtss the things at homo And fly to Athens, Nice or Rome, I do down to see Niagara falls Or sorno or.u's grand ancestral halls. Or take a trip to gay Paree Its lights and shady spots to see, Go chasing down tho old world beat And miss the wonders at our feot. That Catches Them. "How do' you manage to have such a good trade and make such handsome profits, Mr. Elseuhelmer?" "Simplest thing In the World, Mr. Brown." , "Will you kindly explalu?" "Certainly. I always sell below tost." Adduced. "I am not sleeping well these nights." "Why uotr "Afraid' of burglars." "Why?" "Wo nro without police protection." "When did you loso your cook?" Might Aid. "He cannot Uud the? greatest common com-mon denominator." "What Is ho looking for It with?" "Just a lead pencil." "Ho ought to have n search warrant," war-rant," v Using Up Old Stock. "As soon ns - " s ho looked nt her s?jfc hand he nsked sIlASx her to marry TOWRsiriffl him." VJKfyiLB "He must Ik SW NflBflV a palmist." M TflflWsV "No; ho does k"bVsbbbW aot know any- M.' BBBBsT thlngnboutthat. JBflflT 1 1 AVBBBBB herflngcrwould assflflJIBBr Just fit a ring BflsPsHtiV A that' has been BBBM.wUjI I going to waste BBBflKftJoMj alnco Mary Ann BjflflflBWW. jllted him." BTi aS Failed Him. "I understand his lecture wasn't much of n success." "No; tho npplauso ho had hired for the occasion went to sleep." Nothing Definite. "Let uo hopo for the best." v "Mighty glad to do so If I know what waa tho best" ' A NIGHT AURM. I Worse ih.in an alarm of lire at night Is the metallic cough of croup bring-lug bring-lug dread to the household. Careful mothers eep Foley's Houey and Tar In the house and give It at the lirst sign of danger. Foley's Honey and Tar has saved many little lives and It Is the only safe preparation for children child-ren as It contains no harmful drugs. Sold by all druggists. |