OCR Text |
Show THE TWITCHELLS There is trouble in the home of the Elmer Twitchells. Ceiling trouble. Elmer Is establishing ceilings. Not that there haven't been ceilings ceil-ings In the Twitchell residence. The issue Just now is a different kind of ceiling. The Washington kind. The prevailing type. Elmer is trying to put a ceiling on Mrs. Twitchell's hats, for instance. in-stance. (We heard that crack about them being funny enough as is.) He wants the ceiling established at two hats per season, a drop of about eight And be thinks there should be a price ceiling too; somewhere around $3.50. Elmer is for a fur coat ceiling, too, but the crisis hasn't arisen this season, because Mrs. Twitchell got a new coat last winter. She got it wholesale at above twice what it would have cost elsewhere. And he thinks there should be a ceiling on all the wife's expenditures. expendi-tures. "I told her last night that there must be a ceiling on bridge losses," said Elmer today. "Every time she goes to one of them Tuesday Tues-day Ladies Bridge parties she loses money on a pre-defense emergency level. Maybe the best way to solve this would be to put a ceiling on her bids." He wants a ceiling on the wife's contributions to causes, also. "I am all for being charitable and fair," he explained, "and my heart is no mustard seed when it comes to reacting re-acting to the worthy appeals of today, to-day, and there has gotta be some limit The old lady just subscribes to everything. Last week she put me down for $10 to the American Fund to Save Icelanders From American Army Slang. She ain't got no judgment. I've imposed a ceiling. Everything she subscribes above $4 a week is void." "Me and the wife ain't speaking just now," confessed Mr. Twitchell. "Yeah, it's more ceiling trouble. Pin money ceiling. I used to give her $10 a week, but this is a time of crisis. The future is uncertain. Nobody can tell what may happen next in this world war. So I told her the new ceiling on pin money would be $7.50." "What did she say?" we asked. "What didn't she say!" exclaimed Elmer. "Did you explain inflation to her?" "No." "Why not?" "I don't even understand it myself," my-self," concluded Elmer. R. Roelofs Jr. says he knows a man who is so rich he can afford to take the ladies for cocktails and dinner din-ner in the ladies' dining room at a man's club. John Cudahy says that Hitler looked to him like a man with a malignant disease. He's a victim of geographical indigestion, hardening of the head and retarded mustache. "What Mr. Lewis fears is that he would lose face." News item. We can think of no face which could stand it better. THE MENACE The cops should paddle Henry Snipes. He drives a-straddle Highway stripes. Merrill Chilcote. The Journal of the American Medical Med-ical Association reports that experiments experi-ments at Harvard prove that women suffer from cold and heat more than men because they do not dress as warmly. This makes the opinion unanimous and presumably official. C. P. Yaglou and Anne Messer who conducted the experiments had a group of men sit in an alr-condi-tioned room in men's trousers and then change to women's lingerie. Then they had women go through a similar test. Nothing can convince us that the whole thing wasn't arranged ar-ranged by a couple of Yale men. Washington, in its new tax proposals, pro-posals, may subscribe to the notion that it is impossible to get blood from a stone. But it thinks the idea is good. THE SEASONS Winter is an old dame In a white lace cap; Spring Is a maid with folded hands And" flowers In her lap. Summer Is a golden queen Wearing a jeweled crown; And autumn is a gypsy In a russet gown. Joan Maher. Simile by R. Roelofs Jr.: As patient as a man waiting while his wife buys a SECOND HAT. |