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Show Page B4 U Thursday, April 8, 1993 The Park Record Section B IL(D)lt3MltlP... by Alex Wells Top ten reasons to love Easter... Easter is one of my favorite holidays. I prefer it to Christmas, which is promoted like the Super Bowl and, like the Super Bowl, invariably disappoints a few people. Easter, meanwhile, happens as quietly as a spring sunrise and, like any sunrise, it never disappoints. Without further ado (as me holiday is rapidly approaching), here are the top 10 reasons why I love Easter: 10. Easter Egg hunts provide best opportunity to manipulate kids. Easter is the only time of year during which a parent can use one-word commands ("cold," "warm," "hot," "on fire," "melting into the earth," etc.) to efficiently move children to desired locations in or outside the house. 9. Easter ham makes for barbaric feast. The ham served at Easter doesn't seen to trouble chefs the same way the Thanksgiving turkey does. At Thanksgiving, the holiday depends on the bird. At Easter, the pig is a pleasant surprise, like something that showed up accidentally and got slaughtered. 8. Eating chocolate bunnies satisfies barbaric tendencies. Unless you're a satanic rock star, Easter is the only time of year when you can bite the head off a rabbit. 7. Easter celebrates a miracle more impressive than Christmas. Granted, a virgin birth is an impressive feat. Even so, I know several women today who, with a weary glance back at their old boyfriends or husbands, claim that they too have given virgin births. Not so many people claim to have risen from the dead. 6. Sunrise service demands real sacrifice. Anyone who says human sacrifice no longer takes place never got up at 4 a.m. on a Sunday morning to go to church. Stumbling around in the frigid darkness, waiting for the sun, seems like a real religious experience to me. 5. Chocolate and jelly beans can be consumed btfort noon. Going to church before sunrise means people can start eating candy by 9 a.m.. Bad directions given to kids during the Easter Egg hunt can ensure that lots of jelly beans and eggs will be left hidden for mom and dad, or the family dog. 4. No Christmas music is played. Granted, we. might have to once again hear Handel's "Messiah," which was written for Easter. But at least the country musians don't croon about the Bunny. 3. Eastef, brings out colorful spring dresses. Spring clothes-and how delightful they look-always look-always come as a pleasant surprise. 2. Not as many Easter Bunnies as Santa Clauses are found. If rabbits really do reproduce faster than humans, whyhas Santa Claus reproduced so much faster than the Easter Bunny? Whereas Santa Clauses are on every street comer during Christmas, Easter Bunnies are as hard to spot as Harvey. A youngster could conceivably make it through the holidays ' without meeting more than one of them. l. Easter baskets reflect viciousyet beautiful" cycles of nature. A person places painted, hard-boiled hard-boiled eggs in a basket full of fake grass, then delicately adds jelly beans, to complete a small tribute to nesting and fertility. Alas, predators soon consume the contents of the nest. We celebrate life, death and resurrection in one neat ritual. DRIVE SOBER OR DONT DRIVE AT AW Newest Continued from B3 (especially as the imposter Brit, where he sports a bad Alfred Doolittle accent). - One of the film's highlights comes when the real Wilkes brothers turn up. This leads to an impromptu inquisition of all four of the "heirs," which the town treats as a festive scandal The townspeople though, are not just comic rustics, because at the flip of a coin, they're also ready to lynch the runaway slave Jim. Sommers doesn't make the film too grim (he's still aiming at a young audience), but more than any Huck adaptation I've seen, he reflects some of Twain's dour feelings about man's propensity to violence. In an aside, we see a dockside brawl where one man gets fatally stabbed, and the victor is "fined" by being shot dead by a passing deputy. The film also shows us a usually-neglected usually-neglected sub-plot of the book, concerning the generations-old war ' between the Shepardsons and the Grangerfords. Huck finds life to be , idyllic with the genteel Shepardsons, not suspecting that the family, down to the youngest sons, is doomed by their pursuit of the feud. , ! Sommers also makes sure that his film is constantly enjoyable to look at His direction is nimble (there's a great Indiana Jones-style ' segment, for instance, as a barge Huck Finn is classic with three river pirates sinks in a storm). And the photography is exquisite, whether you're looking at cool woods, the sun-dappled ; . Mississippi or a fog-enshrouded graveyard. (Sommers has a particular flair for ghoulish scenes-as scenes-as if, like Tom Sawyer, he liked to root around in cemeteries.) Indeed, one peculiarity of the 1993 Huck is that, aside from Jim, the only personages he can pour out his feelings to are corpses. . j ; Aha! Fooled again Trivia Test Last week's first caller, Jennifer Putz, provided all five correct trivia answers, even though there were no real answers, seeing as it was the April Fool's edition. Putz's wiil to win was good enough for us, and she will be rewarded with a free sandwich from the Main Street Deli. This week it's time to get serious again, and nothing is more serious than the history of man. So here goes: ; 1. What two skills set Neanderthal Man apart from the earlier Homo Erectus? 2. Migrations through what area are believed to have brought the first settlers to America? 3. When are the first hominids (family of man and his ancestors) believed to have appeared? The first person to call us with the correct answers after 8 a.m. on the morning of publication will win a free sandwich from the Main Street Deli. 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