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Show A STONE FOR THE STARVING. Reverend .Tcnanyan, the Armoninn missionary, and Mrs. Jcnanyan. arc now likely to carry away with them n strong ( and impressive recollection of the Mor-! Mor-! mon hierarchical chuckle. And in the ! meantime, Philanthropist Joseph F. Smith and Jokcsmith Brighani H. Roberts Rob-erts arc entitled to grin like Cheshiro cats over their execution of a neat little turn at sarcasm. It appears that Mr. and Mrs. .Tcnanyan .Tcnan-yan appealed to the Tabernacle congregation con-gregation on Sunday for aid for the thousands of starving Christians in J Armenia. They received the giggle of I tho tithe collector; the titter of the fat ! liver: the chirp of the humorist. However, How-ever, (he whole proceeding may have embraced some peculiarities which were familiar to the Armenian visitors. In rhcir own country thoy arc oppressed op-pressed by "tho unspeakable Turk." Therefore, the attitude of the Utah Orientalists who spoke "for their benefit" bene-fit" on Sunday would uot surprise them in the least. Of plurality of wives they know aplenty in their own land; and why, therefore, bo shocked iu Utah? Roberts big-hearted, eloquout Roberts Rob-erts advised his Armenian friends to why not? He knows what a barrier it provides against want for Roberts. The distinguished elder is aware that by means of it the grim wolf gives his door a. wide, wide berth. "Look at me," he could have said; "a fine, large, good-looking mnu, provided with all the luxuries of life, ablo to comfortably sympathize with 3'our poor, benighted people in a fine, large way; solely on account of our grand tithing system. Got next to the graft it's got the others floundering at the distance post. Here wc arc, lolling in the flowery arbors of case, with plenty coming com-ing in to us on every side. Pipe quick, and get onto our curves. Learn how to grab the wherewithal; hypnotize the holy hocuspocus: chloroform tho cash. Are you giving ear 7 What 's that? Did I hear you say that your people have no moucy Well, make 'cm get it. That's your business. Go home and start right away to make 'em give up ten per cent of all they've got. They'll get rich in tho contributing business and so will you if you're good collectors. Make 'em work like sixty all day, every day, and then make 'em go to some kind of a meeting which 3-011 can rig up vevery night. That'll keep 'cm busy all the time earning money during the day and letting you tnko it away from 'cm during the night. See the point7 No chance to spend their substancu except in the way of what 3'ou can call voluntary donations. But bo suro and got their niouo3', whatever what-ever 3'ou do; and the more of it you get, the better able you will be to make 'cm realize that it is just a voluntas donation that they're giving up. That's the cinch; and if. you can't see 3'our way clear through to the end of the game, after me telling 3-011 nil about how wc do it here in the valley of the mountuins, then it's suro the montal junk shop for yours. Toddle right along, uow. " But it remained for the chief sky-pirate sky-pirate .to deliver the parting J0II3'. Not having taken his speech verbatim, aud absolutely declining to clothe the propholic utterance, of our own accord, in' such language as to obscure the lovely Smith meaning, Joseph, the seer, landed on his unsuspecting visitors with the short-elbow jolt of a glorious-lj- rollicking afternoon: "I understand under-stand that your pcoplo in Armenia arc a little short 0' grub. That's neither here nor there. What I'm here for to say is that there's a might3' easy way outen tho hole you're in. How mnnj widders did 3-011 say 3'ou had over there? Fort3' thousand! My lands, get your people to join the onliest true church, and bring 'cm nil over here to Utah I mean tho widders. Jehosa-phal, Jehosa-phal, but -ou 'r a poor lot, if you can't sec 3-0111- wn- clear from this on. MoBcy. quick! Baptize '0111; fill their stummicks with patriarchal blcssin's, at a dollar per I'll give 3-0 a hull carload of 'cm for nix, if you'll only send along tho widders. It'll pay, all right. I've got the glue, as this hull congregation of free (lonators can tcs-tifj. tcs-tifj. Faith ain't a-goin' to do 3-011 no goodat all;. 3'ou muat show 3'our faith by your works; no jinc ua and send along tho widders." |