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Show ''WHERE AM I AT?" The Pertinent Query of a .Somnolent Citizen WHO INVADED THE LAND OF NOD While Eis Digestive Organs Were Out of GearA Xirjhiinare in Which the Common Hnarlers Were Iisfected by Feathered Orators Or-ators and the Frond ll.rri of Freedom Free-dom Soared to Hel&hts Celestial in Ii4 Tadisnation A Fable With the Usual Moral.' "Toohoo! Toohoo!" Down one of the canons that crease the time-ribbed sides of one of the loftiest peaks of the Wasatch came tho dismal and gruesome grue-some call of the night bird, as a tired citizen of this great republic, recently an auditor in the city's chamber of iniquity, wandered up tho trail seeking a secluded spot where he could commune with nature and wonder "where ho was at." "Too hoot Too hoo!" was the response from the right and the left and a ruffled clap-trap-clap apprisod him that the feathered feath-ered denizens of the greasewood were in convention assembling. Presently there was a great twittering and crashing of weak limbs and under the soothing influence of the night and the lullabies of the feathered prowlers, the tired citizen, fresh from the chamber of iniquity where the common snailers hold forth, fell into a profound slumber. He dreamed that an adjourned session was being held in the adjoining thicket and plainly beard the spirited debate de-bate which followed soon after the wise looking owl erave the sienal "Too hoo!" for quiet to be observed. "My dears," said he, "there are queer doings do-ings in the city of Jericho and as lovers of fair play we have assembled here this evening even-ing to lend our voices to the howl of dissatisfaction dissat-isfaction whose echoes are faintly borne to our ears from the great city below us. It has also been brought to my notice that in that fair city there are-s6me members of an aggregation of men, banded together for presumably one common purpose, who have arrogated to themselves all the morality, truth and honesty there is supposed to be lurking about the country, and under the aegis of their great virtue assail others who in everything but their ability to make themselves ridiculous are their superiors in every attribute that goes toward making the perfect man. In fact, ou such an exalted plane have these worldlings entrenched themselves that they deny the right of their servants, the people, to criticise their official acts "and. have., even been known to violently assail the private character of one who is re-'ly their superior officially and their peer, a. .oast, socially, politically and intellectually, because he dared to make known the fact that they were paying themselves, them-selves, out of the community treasury, of course, for work they never performed. When he dared to defend himself they attempted at-tempted to deny him a hearing, but in the end he overcame all opposition and' the finale to the skirmish saw " the common snarlers in a disgruntled condition and the I object of their 6pleen, '.out of ofdee, it is true, vindicated in the eyei of tho people." After waiting until hi auditors had time to store tbi:5-d..oX the lble aw7 in their think-tanks, the owl solemnly said: "Now there is a moral attached to this story, and one which you should heed. It is this: 'When you are determined to throw stones at an enemy be sure to intrench yourselves in a steel clad house.' " "Why not one of glass?" asked a venturesome venture-some linnet. "Oh, because, in the hands of a marksman marks-man who has justice behind him, ' great execution exe-cution can be mads, especially if he has a cobble quarry at his feet," was the reply. "But what application can be made of the moral of the fable?" asked a putty -pated biped. "Well, I'll explain that," said oldToo-hoo, "by relating the sequel to the fable. After the common snarlers recovered from their defeat, several approached the target of their abuse and assured him that come weal come woe they were his friends, and sincerely sin-cerely hoped that he would not in turn assail as-sail them." "But I thought," said the putty-pated biped, bi-ped, "that they had entrenched themselves upon sucli" a high moral plane that ordinary UJVl UUb a3ll UVS (.IIIIVIDO VUGLU. "So they have in their mind's," responded Too-hoo, "but as they have been so ready to assail others it is only fair that they should be placed in the crucible of the public and assayed for just what they are worth." "I agree with the chair," came from a poiut high up in the air. Looking up they saw an eagle casting about for an alighting place, and the next moment the proud bird of freedom had the floor. "I was." said the king, "an interested listener, from a convenient perch in the i'elfry, to the proceedings of the common snarlers and I must confess that my bald p:te blushed with indignation at the un-Anerican un-Anerican way in which several of them attempted at-tempted to enforce stay law, and again I say I agree with the chair, for in the name of all that makes American citizenship a boon to be esteemed, if an American citizen has not the rijorhtio appear before a small local body in defense of assaults on his character, both private and official, what right has he? Shall an American sovereign be cooipelled to beg them for trie inestimable favor of saying a word in de tense of his name whsn it has been dragged in the mire, spat upon and covered beneath an ignominious load of wretched gr Immar and foul-smelling spleen? Must be witjh head uncovered and hinged knee beg of vtheni to hear him on matters tnat must de eply concern him and his? Has lie no right U address the sanctuary of sanctuaries, sanc-tuaries, the ho'iy of holies, the inner temple of inner templeB, the glorified Allah-il-AUah of communal bodies, the reincarnation of all the purity of allhe dead ages, the wonderful, wonder-ful, the only courVll of common snarlers of the holy city of Jericho? In the great and august name of Lftberty that name which has fanned the criiinson banners of war and soothed Tyranny land Oppression into the lullaby arms of Peace who and what are these latter-day Uscsars, who, panoplied in their regal pomp Lnd protected by the aegis of their haughtyopinion of thei.- own ini-maculateness.ySare ini-maculateness.ySare to say that an American citizen lias iwG right to hold them up to the public ridicJ'.e which they so richly and deservedly de-servedly melit? Shades of Dionysius of Syracuse, Syra-cuse, bas thlj Great Llama of Thibet been transported Mo thess shores?" "No," ca lie a still small voice from a leafy bower,' "bui luatural gas has been discovered on the shot! I of the Great Salt Sa and, if Dame RunJ Ir speaks the truth, the locators ilso bsjve loptioD on a common snarler or two." 1 I "Hush, lildren!" cooed Too-hoo, "you must not f ) ik in that way of those who ate too gooci f' I this earth." "Too : I for this earth!" growled the eagle, "thAf why do they deal in it. Whenever When-ever you seimrirovements going on in the fair city oil Hericho Touwill find earth in which the rir V3 have an interest not exactly celestial." U , . "Yes," cueJlAa rttin from the leafy bower, "so pdblic-in E'ted are the snarlers that they have oftenlejyu known to miss a meeting, but n ver ttfjf dav!" '"' T . "Ctildrc y'pieaded old Too-hoo, "I fear youaie ej Ling in tho bad practice of talkingtbl 1 2h your hats. I must punish vou 1 y ri llniag from enttrtaining you herea ter w I fables and Instead will deal strict y wit jlCts." "F cts! ,1-ts" cried the eagle, as he prsps red U homeward flight, "those are what we al yfiax except that eminent ag-grcg. ag-grcg. tion rommon snarlers." Wi a tha . gm a defiant flap of his wing , anf jtn one accord the feathery cone egat arose with hlra, and as they disai Peari )Ver the ridge the tired citizen awol e an ,0ftly murmured: 'Where am I at ? ' i |