Show STORY OF A SEVERED HEAD The doctor occupies a chair in one of the local medical colleges and has whiskers that is as far as the description de-scription can go A colleague of the doctor holds the position of anatomical demonstrator in the same college and it fell out recently re-cently that he stood in need of a head for dissection Now it happens that doctor No 1 is connected with a hospital and to him No 2 appealed for help in supplying the deficiency in the matter of heads No 1 readily undertook to fill the want and in doing so made a story which he considers funny and tells with every indication of being sincere in his belief to his professional and semiprofessional friends I Shortly after the professor applied tome to-me said the doctor a woman died in the hospital She was one of those I unknown and friendless beings who drift into the paupers plat at our cemeteries if unclaimed for scientific purposes so I put in a claim on her and appropriated the head I had arranged with the doctor to leave the head in the back hall at the college to the door of which I had a key So I wrapped i in paper and stowed it in a basket and went on about my duties in the hospital I was late before I got through and was drizzling rain when I boarded the car to go to the college When it came to paying my fare I discovered that I had left my keys at home and I knew the college janitor I could not be found at that hour so I decided to take the head home with me I The car was crowded with damp people peo-ple when it stopped to take in an additional ad-ditional crowd and a large middle I aged woman with an umbrella made s her way through the jammed aisle as i no one but a fat woman can and crowded her ample proportions between myself and a young woman on my right The fat party carried her umbrella in a defiant manner so I > moved away from her as far as possible consigning consign-ing her to oblivion as well as I could consign with some hundreds of pounds I of her form resting on my lap The basket was on the floor of the car at my feet and as I had covered it with several papers I did not give it a thought until a little scream all out of proportion to her size welling up from the fat woman and an exclam mation of horror from the young wom an called my attention to them I Then I saw the fat dame hastily removing re-moving her umbrella from my basket I where she guided by the evil star that dominates the actions of fat women I had poked i disarranging the papers to such an extent that the face of the head within looked up at the frightened I passengers like a mute victim of some dark and sinful deed appealing to them for vengeance Woof Murder snorted the fat woman and the man hanging to the strap above my head and between whose feet the basket stood looked down then bolted for the door I bent over the evidence of my guilt and at tempted to hide i while the people in I that end of the car who had seen it crowded upon each other in an effort to give the redhanded murderer more I room I lost no time in taking advantage ad-vantage of the space left clear and made my way to the front door where I dropped off the car with my shame I ful load feeling very much like the murderer they had taken me to be and I which I would undoubtedly have been if I had had that fat woman in some sequestered spot just then I I waited until a car came with room outside for the basket and myself momentarily expecting a policeman to I rush breathlessly up and clap handcuffs hand-cuffs upon my wrists When I reached home I found a message which directed I rected me to call at once at the house of a patient an dpoplectic old lady and as the message had been delivered I half an hour before I arrived I felt that I had no time to tarry So I sent for my carriage and rushed into the house leaving the basket in the dining room I threw the remedies I was most likely to need into my case and rushed out again forgetting to give the servant any instructions concern ing the basket I transpired that in my absence my wife went ihto the dining room found the basket explored its contents and well my wife is a woman so she could do little else but faint which she did promptly and effectively precluding it 1 by a stream The cook went to the rescue and emulated her mistress by tumbling I down in a heap on top of tumblng first glimpse of the unfortunate head The impact of the cooks frame brought I my wife to her senses who set about bringing the cook out of her trance She succeeded finally then directed her to carry the basket into my li brary At that the cook openly re 1 belled supplementing the refusal with a notice that she was going to leave I I When I returned home I received a lecture from my wife and the informa tion of the cooks intentions The cook was a good one and I did not care to lose her so I undertook to explain but nothing would satisfy her or shake her determination to go and I believe she thought I had brought the head home as a replenishment of the family larder from dark hints she threw out while I was talking with her I I carried the head which seemed to be pursued by some luckless spirit that lucklels would not let it rest even in death to I the loft of the stable where my colored coachman slept and locked it in a closet with a set of old harness Next morning I went to the office without giving the hidden ofce thought and when I returned in the I evening my wife informed me that the I coachman had not been seen all day The coachman was a tall yellow fellow 1 tal yelow felow I about 30 years of age who had been in my employ two years Stealing came to him as naturally as sleeping and I had on more than one occasion I traced missing articles of small value to his failing in that direction I figured it out that he had been too free with some one elses property and landed in jail at last As I knew where he lived I concluded to drive over at the same time taking the head to the college tme I went to the closet and unlocked it I The head was gone I could not account for i as the door was locked and I could in no wise I connect its disappearance with the absence ab-sence of the coachman knowing the I negros abhorrence of dead people in general I was satisfied that William had not stolen my basket without first I looking at the contents md one peep would have been enough for him I drove over to his house Williams I wife came to the door appearing very nervous when I questioned her about him She said he had gone to the Klondike Klon-dike I was surprised for I owed him a months wages I was acomin over V yalls in de I mawnin she said cause I had er message fo yo all from Willie He done sayed f me t tell yall dat ar baisket o yorn what e borried is in de woodshaid back o de bawn I thanked her and told her to send Willie over to see me when he returned from the Klondike and I would pay him I knew he had not left the city William had carried the basket to the woodshed before looking into it and when he looked could not put it down quick enough I searched the woodshed from top to bottom but no basket could I find My wife had engaged a Chinaman in the place of the cook I asked him if he had found a basket in the shed he said he had not I concluded I would hear from it in some way or another before long Two days later my wife found a roll of womans hair done up in a paper and crammed into a tea canister in the kitchen She confiscated it and showed it to me I recognized it as the crowning crown-ing beauty of my severed head I confronted con-fronted the Chinamen who gloried in the name of Peter with the evidence of his knowledge of my subject but he insisted that it was the hair of a lady friend of his That night I stopped him as he was going out with a bundle of napery on his back He smiled as he explained that he was carrying the soiled linen to his cousins laundry at the order of his mistress I told him I was acquainted acquaint-ed with the object of his errand but I thought there was something in the bundle that I wanted I opened it and found my head done up in newspapers around which was rolled a tablecloth I asked him what he was going to do with i You callum woman he retorted defiantly de-fiantly Me git pleeseman Taking a firm hold on the young mans ear I led him to the kitchen door Get your bag I said He came bade presently with his flowered bag which I cpmpelled him to open and empty He complied with much dark muttering and many unintelligible I unin-telligible nasal maledictions no doubt cursing me by his personal guardian I spirit I carried the head to the college I where its earthly mission was at last fulfilled j wife has been the My ha doing cooking j since the Chinaman left and lives in dread of coming upon some specimen j of the humanwarious tucked away beneath a mattress or buried in the flour barrel William has not returned from the Klondike at least he has not I turned up to claim his wages Then the doctor blows smoke toward the ceiling and laughsG W O in I San Francisco Call |