| Show JACKS KEEN HOPES He Asks Bill Nye What He Must Do to be Eminent THE QUERY IS GLADLY ANSWERED William Tells Him a Story of a Young Man I Who Suddenly Rose to a Great Height For THE SDKDAT HERALD By special arrangement ar-rangement with the author CiuioTNos Buncombe County N C October 1189L The following letter has been waiting for some time but other matters mat-ters have interferred with a prompt reply GDHDO > Ark Aug 18 1891 Edgar VT Nye Asheville N C DEAR SmFor several years I have been a reader of your excellent Bill Nye articles and being somewhat young and llteraryly Inclined In-clined have longed for a nit of advice from your pen Probably while the delegation are waiting just outside your door you could drop a few Nye nuggets Into my receptacle and they would never be missed I have never heard that you encouraged young ecribblers Indulged in writing to you by answering an-swering there tiresome sheets by return mall as undoubtedly you were prompted to do Unknowingly make the experiment How would you advise a young man of a literary liter-ary bent and possessing a keen sense for that which is unusual or humorous How shall he find the market without money or influence Is humorous writing remunerative Can you cite an Instance In regard to your gaining literary notoriety Please dont dlspalr at this It Is mearly the introduction of what a bore can do Possibly I too shall be eminent some day and in lieu of this great Impossibility will close as the opportunity oppor-tunity presents Please comply Very sincerely S 5 The above letter is written by a young man who needs information about as severely as any one with whom 1 have ever met up 1 put three asterisks in place of his name in order to shield his family This is only a specimen of one kind of correspondent corre-spondent out of a list of a great many hundreds hun-dreds I pause to wonder where they all L come from Passing over the first paragraph which L Is kind flattering and fulsome let us come I at once to what Mr AsteriskMr Jack Asterisk if you pleasereally wants to know 1 ELEVATOR I tXx I I Ui1 X AT THB ELEVATOR In the first plaoe I do as often and as lucidly and pellucidly as 1 can with what few talents I may embracA answer the in quirers who have something to inquire for if I am able to supply the information I First then Jack you should know what you want to inquire for and secondly you should know how to spell it Then any one would be glad to drop the information into your receptacle Undoubtedly 1 Now comes the query How would you advise a young man of a literary bent and possessing a keen sense for that which is unusual humorous I would advise such an one to avail him self of It and enjoy it Few people blest with a keen sense of the unusual are It should be fostered You ask next How shall he find the market without I I money and influence Ho will naturally have i great difficulty The market for a keen sense of the unusual was I never more panicky than it is now With out money or influence you will have quite I a long search before you will get your price To tell you the honest and undying truth Asterisk there is no market for a keen sense for the unusual or humorous It is a good thing to have for your life will be longer and sweeter for having iL DONT MARKET IT AT ALL any more than you would market your keen L relish for what is good or beautiful You doubtless want to find a market not for your keen sense of the unusual but for your ability to describe such things in an L entertaining way and you cannot deliver I the goods at present I fear Learn first to write good English Write I at a mark for eight or nine years and let up I on busy people if you please I once know a young man who decided to go to New York and to try to get a job on the metroI I politan press Ho had practiced on a coun try paper for several years and had re ceived a oyolopedia and a reversible wall map as a reward for his genius and toil So he said to himself I will go to New York This life is killing me It is time to call a halt He did not take a trunk be cause he said it would only be a burden to him and one hot da day when the sun was bringing out all the hidden fragrance that a century has concealed between the heated paving stones of Newspaper row he found the door which led into the inhospitable dwelling of the great newspaper upon which he had decided to bestow himself Everybody about him looked so cool and I t L superIor that he halted himself because he erspired > so and he know that even the levator boy looked down on him He felt homesick and when ho took out his handkerchief hand-kerchief to wipe his brow he accidentally pulled out a little red pin cushion that his sister gave him when he started for town It smote on his heart very heavily Mr Asterisk and he compared the welcome be generallj got at home was the chilly glare he trot when ho came to town gd When he mustered the courage he took a deep breath and stepped into the elevator the elevator boy pushed him baCK and asked him whom he desired to see Then it came over him that he did not know the editor and that probably he never would The elevator boy gave him A BLANK REPLEVIN TO FILL OUT stating whom he wished to see and also on what business whether friendly or otherwise other-wise whether married or single and If so how it agreed with him u I i tY AN INSTANCE OF LITERART NOTORIETY Be sent this up to the editor and got word that the editor had gone to Honolulu to start a branch office but would be back in the spring He did not believe this so he lingered near and pretty soon he saw a clergyman with the manuscript of a sermon under his arm and heard him ask to see Mr Must This gave him an idea He would also ask to see Mr Must as soon as the clergyman came back SI ho took out his second papers pa-pers and where the blank occurred regard jug what ho wished to see Mr Must for he wrote r Wish to see Mr Must rpcariiinc scoop I Then he was bidden to come He thought hard all the way up trying to have an idea for the paper offered as high as 275 apiece for ideas at that time When he got there he was scared to death but the editor greeted him rather kindly and said Well with a rising inflexion I had an idea in the elevator said Am brose for that was the name of our hero that it would be a good idea to send a man I down to Coney Islands and lot him write it up upFor For the paper asked the editorpound ing on the wall with the drawhead from a wreck which tie once participated in Yes fo the paper said Ambrose for the first page Well said the editor I have thought of that I thought of it eighteen years ago I We have had spells of thinking of it ever since So have the other papers Ar ° you a native of New York I No sir I am a native of Bellefonto O I got here early this morning I judged that you had not lived here always al-ways You are too considerate of other peoples feelings to pass for a native of New York But you can ACQUIRE THAT METROPOLITAN AIR if you try If you go up to the slaughter house and drink hot blood for a month then come and ride on the elevated road you will get that manabouttown air Yes sir But you look fatigued and your clothes are old Look at your trousers how they bag at the area Yes I am told that they do sir but one cannot beat ones way from Cincinnati hero and keep the crease in both legs of ones panties and have them drape alike when ho arrives here Folks tell mo that they are rather out at elbows sir but thank God they cover a warm heart I see said the editor that you have a wonderful command of language I will givo you a chance though the office ia full of idle men You would think that the of I fice ought to seek the man Ambrose but it is not so here I will give you nu assignment assign-ment Go to the top of Trinity spire and write it up Bring your stuff tomorrow At the elevator give tho good hailing sign and repeat the word Mesopotamia You L I I will be admitted Ambrose knew that this was only a very r nolite way of getting rid of him but he i asked a policeman to show him Trinity church and he went up in he spire alone TIE CRIED LITTLE UP THERE for as he looked out over the big smoky city he thought that in that great swarm ing human hive as ho had called it at home in the Advance he had no friend Here even under the golden cress of the church he was alone It was a pitiful thought and Ambrose hungered for his home away in Ohio but with a big sob in j his throat he sharpened his pencil and looked about him for he had a keen sense forthe unusual Cut with a knife on the little window frame by his side ho road MORTIMER and DOROTHY July That was all buthe took those two names and wove around them a story of tender possibility and humanity He putin the highlights of happiness and the shadows of sorrow as they must come dear Asterisk to all of us He wrote on as the sun wont down and thought not of his hunger and the homeless pitiless scadloss nicht that was coming on Ho wroto while tho shadows shad-ows longthened the churchyard and tho roar business alon Broau way died down to a sort mercantile purr Then be took his copy and went up to the Bowery to where one may abide all night for 15 cents There he abode tho night But ho did not care He was very happy He did not havo to sloop there anymore any-more The editor read his littlp story aloud till his voice pot husky and then he read it to himself Now Ambrose ia himself a managing editor and has engraved visiting cards with Mister on them You ask if I can cite an instance in regard to my gaining literary notoriety and reply with my hand on my heart that so far us I know 1 cannot And now if I have been of service to you or any one who may read these lines if there be in this brief note a grain of goodness good-ness which you may pick up and file away I am repaidthat is of course figuratively speaking and with this and hoping that I I possibly I too may bo eminent some day and in lieu of this great possibilit will close as the opportunity presents Very sincerely |
