Show FROM AN KMPTY SKULL Turning the Pages of a Ilumorists NoteBook Note-Book For T < E SUNDAY HERALD Copyrighted Dramatic critics are said to have a penchant pen-chant for tate suppers and Welsh rarebits but the tasio of the book reviewer fs much higher There is nothing so delights his soul as a cut of a well roasted author M It is undoubtedly true that little things count ana there is a good reason for it coT The little things have to count They got kept in after school if they dont In the lobsters code boiling must bo the most disgraceful of death At all events it is the only one that makes the republic blush There is one thing you must never do Johnny Just because you overhear jour father say that your little brother is a 1 JOHNJfT AND illS BOUNCING BABT BROTHER bouncing boy is no reason why you should drop him on the floor to see how high ho will bounce My dear young friend remember this in electing a wife Bewaro of the horsey omen Why do you ask Because a a horsey woman is likely to be a nagging wifo Am I joking or am I serious Both young man both Laugh if you wish but as the schoolmaster said to tho boy when he gave him 400 lines of Caesar to translate dont forget the lesson it Tho man without a country lives in piti able estate but he isnt in it for friendll ness with the man who Is learning to play the cornet While Tom the pet cat of Walter D Peddin ton of Omaha was playing in tho back yard of the Peddington residence last Sunday it encountered a small black and yellow serpent Instead of quarreling the cat and tho serpent struck up a firm friendship friend-ship and ever since tho latter has remained re-mained coiled loosely about the formers neck Mrs Peddington is very much pleased because yellow and black are herr her-r TOM THE CAT favorite colors and she is saved the expense ex-pense of ribbons for Tom who is delighted with his new decoration iL A pile of lumber fell over on Horac Wilkins of Lushton Mills on Friday and his fellow workmen thought he was killed but bo was extricated alive and unhurt though unconscious His first words on recovering consciousness were Its lucky for me that wasnt hard wood Tho systematic man is never out of work and for a very good reason Ho is kept busy looking after his system Remember Re-member this Flavilius and dont put too much method in your madness I t I iilii i i MDfCi E p4LIL I k t e u I 7 THE UNDERTAKERS DELIGHT Why doth the undertaker roar Why hath he such delight Four hundred and six dozen more Young doctors plus just twenty score Did graduate last night + > We have been asked why lithe villain still pursued her Candidly wo do not know unless he was ambitious to obtain a chased saluto Tho large number of roses and diamonds sold in the last year to the upper ten seem to indicate that the paths of society while ways of pleasantness and peace are still full of stones and thorny Some humorists write jokes for jay and I 5 t some for amusement It has been said that there is more pay than amusement to begot be-got out of most jokes but the man who said it was only joking for his own amusement Some people are easily amused 4 5 A westerner who inadvertently swallowed swal-lowed his false teeth when asked how he felt replied that his sensations were much like those of the man whose secret troublo I r EVERTTIME HE BREATHED HE HIT HIMSELF IN THE RIBS was gnawing at his heart strings The physicians thought he described his condition condi-tion accurately since every time ho breathed he bit himself in tho ribs An Illinois farmer named one of his hands Keeley Motor because it was so hard to make him work He thought this was I very funny until he got tired and discharged dis-charged tho man and found that he ouldnt go and couldnt be made to go There is more in a namo after all than most people think S AND STRAIGHTWAT TRIED HIS WEIGHT The beggar was a reckless ight Pehaps it was his fate I handed him nickel bright For to relieve his hungry plicht He sought the nearest slot in sight And straightway tried his weight 1 It London Punch is the best comic paper ver published by the publishers of Punch JOHN KENDRICK BANGS |