OCR Text |
Show fepIClLE ifeiGKASS jHjS; BYRON WILLIAMS H How It Was. H Hit started a trust H lint It blew up and btistl H And tho man "ho had started It, H lie up and ctmfed H And that was Uiu end of tho trust bnstl H Under Difficulties. H "I thought ycr son wuz a tnwolln' M in Mnnchoorla wrltln' fcr ono o thorn H newspapers?" H "Ho Is, Uncle John." iH "I don't sco nothln' writ by him In th' Tribune!" IH "No, he's writing under a nom do M plumol" H "Dear suz, you don't sayt Did It H fall on him?" jH "No, no, u nom do plumo, a " H "Oh, I see, bo's sheered t' como out H an' wrlto In th' open. Well, by lion, liH I'd rather hide under a lia stack than M risk It nnd git shot by them Russians! M This war bl.ness Is orful risky, bo'nt H When a man meoteth a woman nnd H tclleth his wife what she wore, verily VM tho better half need havo no fear, l but If ho mcetnth ono nnd knoweth H not whnt she wore, It Is written, be- H wnro! Tho man In tho first instance H likclh not tho woman unduly and ho M sunoycth her clothes, hut in tho sec- M ond, he hath become so enamored of M her faco that he could not. for tho M llfo of him, tell whether sho woro M a Worth gown or n calico runabout' M "Tho oldest love-letter In tho world H Is In the llrillsh museum. It is a pro- M posnl of marrlago for the hand of an M Egyptian princess nnd It was mado H 3.500 years ago. It Is In Hie form of M an inrcrlbed brick," says nn exchange M Now we know tho Identity of the oris- H Inal gold brick man. H In the Country.' M I would llko to be nut In the country to- H day H To l'ft the no v.- colt on the neclc, H To scntter tlio pigs with a sudden "Ooft H Oof!" H And Hut to tho woodpecker peckt H I would like to be out In the country to- H And te.irli the bull-cnlf how to drink H To wnnder nlono by the sinuous piths, UH To dream In the wood utul'to think! IH I would llko to bo out In tho country to- H To llu on the bank with a book H Mil A T l s iH I'l&lU I lE$ft H nlif I "COME BOSSY!" jH And list, with u llu III to tuy very heart' Tho orchestral rill ot the brook! M I would like to be out In the country to- H Wheie blue denim shirts aro In atylel H 'Twould llRhtcn my worries and eiva m H mure lm H To 1','U country grub for awhllol H 1 would llko to bo out In tho country to- il dny H (Tim met Is I'm turgid and cross.) H I'd throw rnynelr down in-C'ICxcuse me, M denr friend. H I hear him approaching the boas I") H A married man who enmo homo at M 2 o'clock In tho morning and Insisted on telling his wifo a now Joke, is now M Hympathl.lug witli tlio parrot and has M taken ns his motto, "I know what's H tho matter with j on, Polly 1 You talk too darned much!" H The fat man asked the small boy It His Ico was safo nnd tho lad roplled, M "Yes, If you skato fast cnoughl" lH Many n business today Is being con- M ducted on tho samo lnndoquato taXe- M guard. M In Now York they are teaching M "sawed-off" girls to bo tall. The so- M cret of tho transformation Is strotch- M Ing. If your girl is dumpy hare her H stretched to a willowy slypbt M "For weeks uftcrwnrd a nowly mar- M tied couple cannot look rlco In ths faco without feeling uncomfortable," says an exchange. Nor In tbo hools M without getting kicked, probably. M ".Man wnnts but little hero btlow," M lint wntrh him throw n. tit H If, summing up his little, he IM Don't Ret h lot of It! H If somo joung men oxpended halt tho tlmo nnd application trying to- M got on in the world that thoy do en- M doavorlng to put tho pool ball In tho M corner pocket, thero would be moro M successes and fewer failures In this M A man seldom becomes a son-in-law H from choice. It's tho girl he's after, usually, Tho rest Is thrown In for H good mcaBuro and soraetlmos his cup. M Is full to overflowing, fl If ovory day was a Fourth of July H thero would soou bo a lot of dyspeptla, M antiquarians dragging thomsolvos1 M around town growling becauso "thoro'i M no fun In tho world I" M |