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Show JMhnhd about Summer Influenza. SANTA MONICA, CALIF. In this favored land we are now starting to celebrate the customary seasonal rite of having our summer influenza. Summer influenza is distinguished from winter influenza by the fact that the former does not set in until September, Sep-tember, thereby providing intervals for spring and fall to slip in between. The symptoms remain re-main practically the same. The eyes water wa-ter copiously, but the nose runs second. sec-ond. The head stops up thoroughly, thus 'A i proviaing prooi 01 Irvin Cobb the fallacy of the old adage all sinus fail in dry weather. The patient barks like a trained seal, but the difference here is that the seal stops barking if you toss him a hunk of raw fish. One could go on at length, but it's difficult to continue a writing job when you're using a nasal in-halent in-halent to punctuate with and have a taste in your mouth like moth balls smothered in creosote dressing. dress-ing. The Art of Cussing. MY OLD chum Burgess Johnson, once an editor but now a college col-lege professor, tells a credulous bunch of advertising men that Mark Twain was the champion all-time all-American cusser could cuss five solid minutes without repeating himself. him-self. Pardon me, Burgess, but Mark Twain never did any such thing. Once I heard him at his out-cussing-est best denouncing a publisher who had offended him. Ha swore for five minutes all right, but over and over again he used the same few familiar oaths which the English-speaking race always have used. He didn't introduce a new or an original one. I studied the art of cussing, both by note and by ear, under such gifted gift-ed masters of profanity as southern steamboat mates, New York newspaper news-paper men, London cab drivers, western mule whackers and north woods timber choppers. With my hand on my heart I solemnly affirm that not one of these alleged experts ever employed any save the dependable age-seasoned standbys, to wit, seven adjectives, two strong nouns, one ultrastrong noun and one compound phrase the commonest of all. Romance for King Zog. FOR about the fifth time comes a plaintive plea from Albania, one of those remote little border countries of eastern Europe where every now and then peace threatens to break out. They have a king over there. At least they had a king at the time of going to press with this dispatch. His name is King Zog. This is neither neith-er a typographical error nor a vaudeville gag. The name positively is Zog, and radio comedians may make the most of it. For many months he has been paging the world for a wife. The qualifications call for the lady to have $5,000,000. His majesty would also like for her to turn Mohammedan, Moham-medan, but the main requirement is that $5,000,000 bank roll. California's Coastline. WHILE it's quite a roomy coastline, coast-line, California has at present only one coastline. This is a source of mortification to patriotic native sons, Florida having two such, one on either side, besides a dampish area In the middle known as the Everglades. Still, in a way, California's silvery strand continues to excel. Within easy speeding distance we have at least one beach resort where, when Palm Springs folds up on account of the heat, many of our artistic colony go to relax. So wholeheartedly wholeheart-edly do some go in for this that often oft-en you may stand off a quarter of a mile and hear them relaxing. Occasionally a relaxationist relaxes re-laxes so completely that it takes weeks for him to get over it. His friends leave him at the seaside only to gather at the bedside. The Changing World. IT VAS Susan B. Anthony who dedicated her life to the cause of emancipation for her sex. But it was her grandniece who lately attained at-tained the headlines by suggesting that, with the addition of a buckle here and a ribbon there, a nightie would make a suitable evening govn for almost any occasion. Thus do wc see how from one generation gen-eration on to another is handed down the flarne of genius and service serv-ice to womankind. But, although the Inspired suggestion sugges-tion is already weeks old, there still are no signs that it Is finding ad-vocat'-s among the queen bees of the cultural hive. Maybe the re.i-eon re.i-eon is that a belle of the Hollywood firti.'.tic group would feel so oaten-tatiour.ly oaten-tatiour.ly overdre.-;.-.ed if r.h u wore a full far.hioncd ni;hlie to u social function. IKVIN S. COV.ll. t - VMIJ f,rvl'.. |