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Show Grove Just me and the dog ; only one will survive?- the editor's column By MARC HADDOCK The dog and I have one more week to live together, just the two of us. The way I figure it, only one will survive I'm not a pet person. And spending this past week with just a dog as company hasn't changed my mind. A week ago. Nancy loaded up our station wagon with the six kids and headed about (it)0 miles south for a two week vacation with her mother in Albuquerque. Dad's always gone along in the past, but (his year I just couldn't get away. (Sure.) Here was my chance, I thought, to have some peace and do some serious writing in the evenings and on weekends. Time to be free. With six kids, that kind of time is hard to come by. Besides, taking all the kids to Grandma's has been one of Nancy's fantasies. Ever since I married into Nancy's family. I have been regaled with talcs of how my mother-in-law each year would pack her brood of six into the family station wagon and make the two-day trip from Denver to Indiana for an extended summer visit with her parents The story is always told with a hushed tone of admiration for her daring and initiative. And even before everyone packed up and headed south. I could tell Nancy was excited about re-enacting the experience. ex-perience. This was something we were both looking forward to. Of course, I was forgetting the family pet - a small dachshund named Lacey who spends her time lying in the sun, lying on the furniture, or licking the faces of our two youngest children -the only ones who will let the dog lick The problem is I'm a poor dog tender. I don't spend much time around home - whether everyone is there or in Albuquerque. And while I'm out working, Lacey is home fretting about the lack of little people with whom to play and chasing anyone who happens to walk or ride a bike near our home. This activity entails getting out of the back yard by some escape route we have yet to discover while I'm away taking care of business. If there is no one to chase, Lacey will park herself under the neighbor's neigh-bor's rabbit cage and yip at the rabbit which, by this time, has developed a serious nervous disorder. When I get home, sometimes late at night, the poor animal is frantic and enters the house on a dead sprint, running from room to room looking for one of the little people to play with. Once she figures out nobody's home but me, Lacey returns for a brief petting, which is almost always accompanied by a loss of bladder control because the poor animal is so happy to see any human -- even if it's me. And she ends up outside again for punishment. I can live with all of this. But the dog's sleeping habits are more than I can bear. This dog can sleep throughout the day in almost any spot and almost any position. But when night comes, . she has been taught to expect a bed and warm body to help her get through the night. That's fine with me, as long as it isn't my bed and my body. I spent the first three nights of this arrangement with Lacey jumping into my bed and crawling next tcj to sleep - rattling those obnop medals and making '0U(I smt'jresi)0n noises with her dog's mouth tongue. concer Thirty seconds of this was s.- all I could stand. appreh Finally I locked her in Ss:' room, hoping the ,8t upast( surroundings without the fit s body would be enough to &M nft slumber. Instead, it induced of whimpers and whines' SloJer me awake and worked me t jstereos state of total frustration. Jblankets I threw the dog outside, only tr - stereo S in bed and listen toaW'-. bade whimper designed to ereo neighborhood. f "Give her some sleeping P-friend P-friend advised. ,,,,yj?m "I would if I had any "About 20 at a time oughts-Jarre, trick." I was kidding, of course ore kids love the dog, and if happened to her, Dad p pack up and move out. Finally, I locked thewtaV jangling animal in the ; bathroom, where she cc whimper and jangle, butai sleepless nights, I was so -. hardly noticed the noise. Now I'm catching upon"; - and the whimpers inb sleep from time to time ea I'm counting the days ir- home to provide a good j for Lacey - and in M' I night's rest for me. If I can make it that W f On the other hand l bottle of sleeping pills " I gave me. The question ft i take them first. their faces. In fact, Meghan, who is four, insists in-sists that Lacey lick her face all the time, to the point that the dog runs when Meghan enters the room. Then for the rest of the day, Meghan mopes around the house whining "Lacey hates me." Needless to say, with six kids to keep her busy, this dog is used to a lot of attention. She is supposed to take turns sleeping with the kids, but she always spends the night with her favorite, six-year-old Seth, who loves to spend the night with a smelly dog curled up by his face. The dog doesn't sleep, mind you. She's done that during the day. And every time we open the door, up pops Lacey's head, accompanied with a characteristic jingle from all the metal tags she carries on her collar. In the past few days, I've learned to hate the sound of that collar, rattling away. |