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Show FOR MY SHRINKER THIS WEEK I'm shocked at President Ford's pardon of that fink Nixon. Next time I get caught stealing milk off the neighbors' porch I'll scream to high heaven for a pardon. Nothing I hate worse than getting my hair cut. Barbers don't like to cut my hair, because my noggin is so big and my mop is so bushy and I have bumps on the back of my conk. I take it for granted people like me as well as I like thero, which has caused me occasional oc-casional embarrassment when I have discovered my error . . . Arguments bore me; I always al-ways figure anyone who has his mind made up isn't going go-ing tr change it because of soi -'hingT can say. MY FIRST MEMORY is of being chased by a turkey gob-vler gob-vler ... I stare at strangers strang-ers and wonder just what they are like and if it would be nice to know them and if they live happy lives and then never see them again and don't worry about it too much ... My favorite TV program is MAS H. My favorite dessert is chocolate pie with whipped cream clear up to my eyebrows eye-brows ... If we go nice places for dinner I order all the sea food in the house . . . I never learned to drink buttermilk. Did you? . . . I USUALLY DRIVE between be-tween 55 and 60, on the open road, and I was once arrested arrest-ed for fishing without a license, li-cense, but I was very. young at the time. I have always read every thing I can get my hands on ... I have a fear of smothering, smoth-ering, but I don't lie awake nights over it . . . All school teachers have my sympathy-and that reminds me, did I forget my annual lecture to the people when school started this fall? . . . Whenever I try to concentrate concen-trate I scratch my head . . . I type with two fingers and can go like crazy . . . When I eat I change hands on the fork. . . First time I took an airplane air-plane ride we landed on a flat tire and nearly upset, and I am still getting fatter. THE TIES I wear aren't nearly so loud as the ones I wish I had the nerve to buy ... My favorite sport is football, foot-ball, and it always bothers me when youngsters fail to learn that the harder they hit the less apt they are to get hurt . . . Whenever I have to 'appear" 'ap-pear" before a group I get kind of sick to my stum-mick stum-mick . . .1 went thru five years of high school without missing a word in spelling and without ever finding out the total of x plus y. My pet peeve is malicious gossip ... I always lose good pencils, so I just carry the nickel ones . . . When 1 was a baby I raised so much fuss they had to keep me tied down in a flour sack . . . I wish they would make fewer movies glorifying sin and crime . . . Soitk day (haven't I promised you this before?) I'm going to write a book. Especially for you. And you'll all crowd around my wheel chair to get my autograph. Mac. |