| OCR Text |
Show ' TOM SIMS Jrif SAYS Supposo you wore tho sultan of Turkey? He Is away from homo and 300 wives running up bills on him What this country' noeds is plps that will stay lit without puffing. They threaten to broadcast grand opera In German, but this threat won't make us cancel the debt It is estimated olgarets have burned ono billion holes In shirts. The last rose of summer has gone, but the last nose of tho rummer is yet to come. Ishil la to be made Japanose ambap-Bndor ambap-Bndor to the U. S., maybe. Aw, Ishll? We can bo thankful every day wo are not postal employes watching Christmas getting so near. Women never will be men's equals until men object to being kissed. A fourflusher Is a man who is always al-ways shown up at a showdown. A self-made man usually is a man who selected a wife that mado him work Your luck may bo bad, but in St. Louis a man's wife is worth 8400,000 and she Is suing for divorce. Ist week a sofa hundreds of rears j old sold for $1300. You can find themj around almost any hotel. English engineers have a machine that cuts a house In two. What good, is a house divided against Itself? Mohammedans believe there are 10 animals in brawn and farmers will, say all 10 are hound dogs. Tom Edison says college men ob 1 ject to work. College doesn't seem I to change people so much, then j In Lexington, Ky . tin y have stop-Iped stop-Iped a clock's striking because It wakes people. They could lot It strike during church hours. IT you don't caro what you say you, can say the Utah people snowbound three days were under the weathl P. Missing California messenger with $10,000 was caught in Georgia. That was earning it too far. It lakes tWO to start a tight and loo many too long to stop it. Who said Friday was unlucky?) William Vanderbllt was 21 and Inherited Inher-ited a big fortune on Friday. 1 Wf run all be thankful wo nro not among tho 163,800 who aro In jail. Seattle women held a baking contest, con-test, 60 Seattle aids aro happy. What this country needs Is socks guaranteed for 30,000 miles. A Fort Worth boy who found a quart of nitroglycerine will recover. One telle us she dislikes long skirts because they aro so effeminate. Teachers have quit In We?t Frnnk-, fort. 111., but tho kids fear the trouble with be settled. Heiress to $40,000,000 says .hc will marry a cartoonist, and if that isn't love there Isn't any. Paderewskl, the pianist. Is back in America. It must be great to get paid for Just playing around. Man asks divorce because, he says, Wifey shot at him five times. Some husbands are so touchy. New Jersey man struck a match to sec If he had any gas, so now he has j no car. Business men not cutting much ice these days held a convention In Texas They wer Ice men. In Oregon, a foolish doctor got sent to prison to study criminals when there are more criminals outside. Fak money bought good booze in Highland, N. J.. but it is usually just, the other way around. What makes us laugh out loud is seeing a girl with bobbed hair ono day and long hair the n-xt. Experts find music will not charm a snak so noxt time you see one it is J safer to run than sing. The handles on aluminum frying pans don't get so hot. but the pans are too light for hitting husbands Home helps: The best way to fix! broken plumbing Is to have It done. They seldom have lightning in the polar regions, so that would be a fine place to go to toll a lie Fuel hint Thinking about coal prices will keep you warm. What this country needs is onion? too polite to i-mell in rompan A reader writes in to ask if cough drop! make you drop a cough Yes. |
