OCR Text |
Show HUMBLE CRITIC j Eascrncr Complains He Purchased WRITES OF Domestic Harmony at Frightful WAGNER'S MUSIC CMTisaA When Hhakfsiiearn wrote "The man that bath no mus e In himself, nor Is moved with concord of sweet sounds, la fit for treasons, atrategema and spoils." he lived In an age that knew only flutes and lutes of I lint Inoffensive Inoffen-sive sort: an age when people who sang only enrolled and trolled about flowers and love and Bhepherdesses. Hhnkespearo never heiird a piano, nor a (Jernian Iiiivms hand; nobody bad Invented In-vented operas, corrile or explosive; It was not considered had form to admire ad-mire a biillad: and no one wns ejpell od from society or considered Ignorant Ignor-ant and uncouth for liking a melody him; ami you are pretty sure to bn called namea and accused of Anarchy and besting your wife If you rouse the Wngnerlten. Under the circumstances, circum-stances, It la just aa well to be Judicious Ju-dicious and apenk soft and low. Borne people underatand Wagner; some try to underatand him; some protend to underatand him; while ft vaat. vulgar, Ignorant innjnrlty can neither stnnd nor understand him. I supposo X am numbered among; the Isat lot; and. while I am willing to concede that Wagner la groat, I prefer 8ousa. Crcatoru and ragtime. Confidentially, Con-fidentially, I think he waa born too aoon and died ton late. The easiest way to distinguish ft real Wagrcrlto from tho Imitation la lo hear thein pronounce the great man's name. The real things call him Vognnr; the Ilrltnnnla metnl Wagnerltea cnll him Wagner, or Just Wnr.goner, If they are laloly from Chevetino. When n man hna n wlfo who can cut frills on plnnolrt, or who wants (o bo In the awlm, bo Just naturally has In get down In l.ta pocket onco In while and dig up a cottplo of fives to put tho Wagner trust on Knny street. Aa I have snld, I don't re illy enjoy Wagner; but In the end It In raider and cheaper to tnko four hour.! of tho great ncrmnn'a Bpasnis than four weeks of your wlfo'a obllg'ttos In C ahnrp. Four weeks of domestic harmony It cheap at $10; ft divorce will cost mora than that. The last time I sampled Wagner's warea it waa timler domestic duress; and the particular riot which I endured en-dured was called the Valkyries. There woro several characters In It who reminded re-minded me of certain statesmen; they bad largo voices, long whiskers and pomllar Rarments. Theso poople didn't make much trouble, though aatnewhat clamorous; and they had ft rather easy time trying not to fall In love with a stout, elderly and shopworn shop-worn prlnccNs or prophetess, who was lovely enough lo stop a clock In any climate, or drive the east wind out of lloston. The real things In thla music drama Wagner'a things ate not op-eraa op-eraa or opuses were lot of strong, strenuous young women wom-en arrayed In nighties and campaign cam-paign helmets and armed with of gi.a.ls. who butted In periodically wltb gesticulations and shrieks, while fit conductor out In front threw flts, foutthl with his baton and worked up -O' f l f fl Tl PIAN THAT MATH NO HOI Hv .' J 1 r",4 . wwwft,, rvm WW, sS'ffe- rl'vd nd thmwinn brlrka ml thane wliu mil a no so. HhaktfipMiT0 wns cjiillft a fellow In nil day, ami know almnttt aa nnirh aa a HlMiutlnic (xiliro kpvhit; but lio nrlihrr kunw nor anilrlpntotl tho Into IninniKMl Horr Vn,:ncr of Ilnyroutli, Ocrninny. Wnpnrr wnn a nuin who had a lot of nniM.' In hlniHrlf. hut hu fnlleil to k.-op it In. Mulc world In hla Ryntnui llko ntrain. and when It broke out It hiuilit tronhlo. W a it or 1 trloj his muMc on tils chum, a luna-tin luna-tin mid klii; and If lo wns pltaMi1, It wna connldnred a pnmf Mint Mi ni of ua would want It. t am rather ahy nhout mxyiuK much about Wnirncr; r-ory r-ory follow that itnya a fldtllp, or a mouth orient., or a cornot, or forty-Uvea, forty-Uvea, thlnki It'a up to hi in to dofnd tho flddlta and tnamx)nM until the roof quivered. An I underntand It, the Vnl-kyrlea Vnl-kyrlea were tho Carrie Nation of ancient Germany, ho were1 trained to hover over battlefield., keeping tnba on the patriots who wont to tho front too much; and when thcuo ho-mm ho-mm wero knocked out by tho hated j foeinen, tho Vnlhyrlnn swooped down on them and huttilcd them off to a iort of pontinortem reservation, c tiled Vnllmlla, whero the depnrted patriots snt around drlnklnR beer and bmrKhiK about their war records. A p:.lnot and fcoro would linve to bt very dead to enjoy the company theai stirlnklns; younR Indlna; for, n tlicy floated around In the atmosphere on broncoei waiting for a chance to TUB fc1r TtMB t 5AMPJBP 71 I --C' WACNL't. WAM!) ITVK44 , si ij C-, V t JHAJl w ioica drtiK out n b iltered p ilrlot they mule polio cruir;li to nial.e a D. A. R. enn-vo'illon enn-vo'illon s"etn l.ko a prayer mootint la compurlson. The night 1 sat ahinldcrlng at Dill KhrloMng il-lirl.ood l-'rlui Srhcffaai one of the Valkyries; but as she eloped from Wanner shortly aft. -nurd and wet t Into comic opera and brlof clothes, I Imnglno she wtia cliyo4 by Wagner as much aa I waa. Th, difference dif-ference between tin waa she aj p.,d to yoll at mti; nnd I puld to hear her yell. Men are deid easy. I wna glod when It was over, then these sl-rleKIng Sutherland sitters ore chased off by the aceno shifters; anil though I was dead tired and stonn deaf. I went nut and tackled lobsters and Welsh rabbits In a res taurant and cheerfully faced nightmares. night-mares. I knew when I got the night-maro night-maro I'd forget the Valkyries. In my time I have faced "Tannhnua-er," "Tannhnua-er," "I-ohengrln" and other Wagnerian Wagneri-an things; and It looked as If I might acquire the bnblt and stand around llko other weak sisters pretending: to bn enraptured every time a bull fiddle fell foul of ft base drum; but, fter tho Valkyrie campaign I threw up my handa and abandoned W-ignor. This la shameful confession to make, anil arguea a defective musical and moral senso. I am willing to admit the trouble trou-ble Ilea with me. nut Wagner; I have not been trained up to him; and I havo neither money, nor strength enough lo try. I was not distressed when lloston refused to give up Ita dividends to llerr C'onrled: 1 was proud to know Boston could control Itself even In tho face of Wagner; and I wns secretly and vulgarly hnppy when Tonrled and bis Vnlliyrlea atart-ed atart-ed for ChlcniMi, where they aro ac-customed ac-customed to cyclores and explosions. (lutslilo of the music ilrau in, I like (icrmans and iMii-tk tlennnn; some day I'm going ovir lo (iermiiny to sno whero the frankfurters, hofliraii and hull fiddles Knr.v: nnd I'm golnR to look tip llerr Wagner's trrave. If they hove a ninrhlo monument on Tils Must nml bis tomb cemented and copper Th clod I shall rejolco. I'd like to nunc back with the certain knowl-edge knowl-edge that be can't Ret up and atnrt In agnln making1 raw miiterlnl for brass bands, hnnd organs and Vntkyrlc-ft. I don't want hla sacred remains disturbed. dis-turbed. When the last dny comes, and people peo-ple aro slow In responding, I know where Gabriel can get a first-class as-Want as-Want to rouao tho sleepers and wako the dead: but until that day, 1 hopo no vandal hand will monkey with the m at ninn e tomb. Joseph Smith In Boston Herald. |