Show SEVEN DAYS lo loL iii iA oi L N y BY y JESSIE T Tn n By JESSIE JInNI Copyright 1823 1923 NEW z-Hw YORK July 28 They They are arc going to teach the art of ot acting ot at Columbia This is an excellent Idea It IC halt half the tho bad actors around town can cnn be bo induced to enroll for forthe forth the th course our Justly Celebrated crime wave will bo ho reduced to a amere amere mere ripple But naturally this is too much to expect It If Columbia can get the I mayor and his crowd and his op- op opponents op opponents I and their crowd to take takeI I oven even a C night school course courso on how I to act this will suffice You see seethe tho the mayor and his are tili about the how to run them and whither In Inthe th meantime the Innocent by- by bystander by bystander stander is as 88 usual getting it In tho neck But still and alt all that's one of ot the jO jobs s of ot Ih living In Goth Goth- Gotham Gotham am There are aro so BO many occasions occasion and ways In which chiCh the thi innocent by- by bystander by bystander stander gets ets his BUSSes MAY ws LOSE OUT OCT rust Just what all the shootings for forwe forwe we are not certain livinG downtown a as nl vie e co do where municipal municipal municipal pal bushes are not a II necessity But from the wa the thing thin looks up In flashes through h the Ule smoke or of orba ba battle tle it looks as though thou now you'd have to pretend you re rc a stranger doing the town or a day In order I to get et to work and home again Uness Un I ess vou ou aI assume ume an air of Incredulous be bewilderment at sigh sight t of or the Woolworth tower lower i vou ou the bus and drag vou OU IlY a 1 to t o jail Sill Already are some vou commuters c who have begun to I practice saying hord herd hord for tor hard and soder for tor the east cast side cast s Ide equivalent and in irs other W ways yS I castI to t o act oct as ns much as al possible like forit Philadelphians or Bostonians For loor It is rumored that in the tho midst ot of otI court orders forbidding the I to ru at all 1111 they may ties ne the run as sightseeing wagons Meanwhile its It s been hot Coney I Island surf Is as full of city refu refugees gees ces as a a bun should be bc full ot of currants and Dr Henry Kalian Kallan professor of ot ph physics at the social I research school Is full tull of ot thoughts Dr Kallan like many mother another bur bur- burgher burgher I gher of ot Manhattan l left all hIs windows and doors open on one of oC the sizzling nights Ho lie was awak awak- awakened awakened ened ined by an intruder who ha basing haIng Ing arrived for tor some purpose which the police are trying to find out could not resist the temptation to tickle te instructors instructor's bare feet Perhaps you know how annoy annoy- InG ing annoying It is to have our toes toC'S tickled esp while you sleep There were abrasions lacerations and contusIons on both sides Bides ldes before andI the I Intruder was finally escorted to the police station station COPS COIS BATTiER BATHER BUSY I The police in spite of so hot weather have been rather busy lit lit- little littie lit little tle tie cops of ot late They dashed down downto downto downto to Princeton N J to arrest a 0 trio of men accused of ot being mixed up In a 0 trio ot of jewel robberies aggregating gating gating a million dollars and In- In Including In Including eluding the famous Mrs Hugo now new year party case cose I They dashed out to aid Patrick Carr ho he of ot the broken leg Jeg And AndI they dashed up to the traffic court to assist In an explanation I Bo flo sure your leg is broken be- be before be before fore tore you call for tor Or help patrick Carr a a longshoreman was waa certain I hl hil leg had snapped when he slip slip- slipped slip slipped ped pod in a 0 puddle Accordingly ly he ha blew a police whistle which sum sum- sumI summoned summoned mooed a cop which summoned an I ambulance which brought a sur- sur surgeon ur-geon ur goon geon which said the mans man's leg was I not broken but the mans man's sobriety was I In a country town the constable would have laughed lau it oft off as a good I good Joke City cops have no sense I or of humor so the longshoreman w WAS WASI s I arrested and In the absence of ot 5 5 to pa pay his fine CIne was sent Rent to jell jail I Now perhaps we wo arc too easy casy go- go goI going go going I ing about mud puddles policemen and surgeons attached to ambul ambul- ambulances I ances ancee But to our way of ot thin thinkIng I Ins Ing most of ot this bother over aI a I I Im m nw HLOUS I- I Ip hI UP p I II I in trat- trat traffic Whether the he c tic fic court was as unnecessary is a ques ques- question question tion A policeman testifying about i I f reckless driving found suddenly precipitated from the wit witness It- It ness chair to the floor The air as filled with with noise nole fragments ot of Uniform strong odors and frantIC It seems the poliCeman poliCe poliCe- I man man had captured a 0 a keg of ot beer In Ina ina Ina a recent raid and had a sample of It in a 11 bottle Inside his pocket pro pre l to taking it to another courtroom where ho was to be a I witness Gathering up the remnants remnants rem- rem remnant I I remI nant nants nants of ot his uniform and hastening to the nearest tailor shop the po- po testified testified unofficially i that I I 1 I as ac hoer heer the stuff sturt ted appe to bo be pretty good T N T 1 I i Another one of ot those phenomena I has hns come to Gotham She writes rites on the typewriter and ond when BirdIe Hee e aged IG really begins to do doher doher doher her stuff it is said the she he can write 80 letters every tour four seconds or 20 words of ot tour four letters each or two words of ot 40 letters Jetters each or what you will The thing we like about Birdie is she used only tour fingers doing it Meanwhile theres there's some hope In Inthe inthe Inthe the fact tact that almost two and a halt half million people visited the Bronx zoo and over two million visited the aquarium They were looking ot of course for something funnier than The chances are they didn't find It |