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Show Plenty of Time. Another of Mr. Pett Ridge's good anecdotes concerns a policeman. "There was a city constable," he says, "to whom an infuriated musician musi-cian applied with the request that he would 'do something with that boy.' " 'I was coming along the road in a-hurry,' a-hurry,' said the musician, 'when the boy stopped me and asked the time. I said: "It Is ten to three." "Very well," replied the boy, "at 3 .o'clock get your hair cut'." "'Well,' replied the constable, languidly, lan-guidly, looking at his watch, 'you're all right you've got a good eight minutes'." Pearson's Weekly. His Hard Heart. The eight-year-old son of a famous barrister was one day taken by his governess to a court of law in which his father was expected to make a particularly brilliant speech. "Mother, I heard father make a fine speech today," said the boy on his return re-turn home. "And what do you think? Father almost cried, and he made soma, of the jury-men cry, too!" "And you, too?" asked his mother. "Oh, no he can't get over me!" replied re-plied the heir and pride of the family. Tit Bits. A Difference. Little Timothy went to visit his Aunt Elvira, a dignified and severe woman, who owned a parrot. One morning, coming unexpectedly upon Timothy and the bird, she was horribly horri-bly shocked to hear the little boy using us-ing some profane words. "Why, Timothy," cried the old lady. "I do believe you're trying to teach my parrot to swear!" "Oh, no, I'm not, Auntie," the boy replied. "I'm just telling it what it mustn't say." Circumstantial Evidence. Little Johnny was doing sentinel duty, with his new air rifle slung across his shoulder, when the irate lady next door bore down upon him. "Did you break my window?" she demanded wrathfully, pointing to the damaged property. The child looked from the window to her back again before replying. "Did you saw me?" "No. But " "Then I didn't do it." And turning, turn-ing, he marched away. Judge. Blame the Elephant. Customer (annoyed) I wish to return re-turn the paper-cutter. It is not ivory, as represented. Clerk. Not ivory, madam? I caa't understand that, unless the elephant had false teeth. Boston Transcript. Wouldn't Give His Name. The charming young suffragette, who expected to be married soon, went to the registration book for the first time. The man in charge asked: "With what party do you expect to be affiliated?" affili-ated?" "That's none of your business," she replied. "If I have to tell bis name I'm not going to register, so there!" Brooklyn Eagle. Couldn't be Sure Otherwise. "Your honor," said the jurv foreman, fore-man, "this lady is suing this agent for $10,000 for a stolen kiss." "Correct," responded the judge. "You are to decide if it is worth it." "That's the point, your honor. Could the jury have a sample?" Kansas City Star. Sudden Shock. "As near as I can make out," said the physician, "yoi.r wife seems to have experienced a sudden shock or some kind." "I guess that's right," replied the husband. "I got home before 12 o'clock lastjiight." Indianapolis Star. Not Original. "My doctor is a great believer in apples. He's forever advising people to eat them." 'Nothing original about that The serpent in Eden did the same thing centuries J'go.'' A Saving. "I see you're laying out a tenn's court in your yard. 1 d..n'l know v u p'ayed the game." '1 don't, but you see I w.m't have n ow (p.;,; ,,ilrt th ,.uvi a!ujr j . .;e the turf 0rr." |
