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Show Kathleen Norris Says: Is Absent Husband Still the Boss? Bell Syndicate. WNU Features. 7 am a nune and do part-lime duty in the hospital " By KATHLEEN NORRIS T TOW much should the I I wishes and opinions of a man who is overseas over-seas influence his wife here at home?" demands Anna Sawyer of Seattle. "I am 28, have been married six years and have two little boys," her letter goes on. "My husband has now been away for almost two years. We had been making mak-ing payments on a house when he went away, but it was not a house I had ever especially liked. It is too large for us, and stands on too small a'lot; it has never seemed homelike to me. Tod's father found it for us and made the first payment. pay-ment. "About eight months ago I had a good offer for it, and I sold it, beginning begin-ning again to make payments on a far more attractive one-story house, which was not too much for me to manage. I am a nurse, and do part-time duty in the hospital. My boys, four and three, are in school from nine to four. For this I pay $70 a month; they love their school, are safe and happy, and it is a chance for me to do my bit of war work. "Last month I was offered a handsome hand-some rent for my house, which I decided de-cided to take, moving in with my stepmother, who is also, Incidentally, Incident-ally, my husband's aunt. We met in her house. Tod loves his aunt, and is glad we are friends, but he writes me angrily that he thinks I made a terrible mistake combining households. He says it never works, with two women. He doesn't want the boys to be in that expensive expen-sive school, he resents my selling the house, says he has no interest at all in the new house, and that as he feels now he'd Just as soon not come home; wife working Instead of caring for her children, home sold, and family moved in with his aunt Directions for Afar. "Now what I want to ask you," the letter goes on, "is Just how much right a man has to send directions home from the war zones. Aren't we wives entitled to use our own Judgment and live in our own way, while the men are gone? Wouldn't it be ridiculous for Auntie and me to write him obediently that because be-cause he disapproved we had changed all our plans? We love each other; she Is a widow of 38, has a boy of IS, teaches school, and lovca me and my children. Her home Is comfortable and spacious, with plenty of playroom and garden. "A letter received from my husband hus-band today ends with this remark; please write me at once that you have abandoned all Idea of combining com-bining households with Auntie, have given up your nursing and taken the boys out of that expensive school. Otherwise I will feel very differently about this war that we are supposedly sup-posedly fighting to protect the homes we left behind us.' What shall I write in answer?" e e e My answer, Anna, Is that Tod Is taking a most unfortunate and unjustifiable un-justifiable position. In plain words. It's none of his business what you decide to do while he Is away. Men are totally Incapable of visualizing "In boys are so and happy , , ," A WIFE'S DECISIONS While her husband is away at war, Anna has had to man-age man-age the home, making her own divisions as well as she could. She has two sons, four and three years old. Recently she sold the house at a good price and has moved in with her husbands aunt. The boys have been placed in a private school. This arrangement seems quite satisfactory to everyone except Anna's husband, hus-band, Tod. Tod writes from overseas that he dosn't like it at all. He didn't want the house sold; he doesn't want the boys to be in such an expensive school. Lastly, he fears that his wife and his aunt will eventually quarrel that no household is "big enough for ttvo women." what these lonely, strange war years mean to women, and consequently can't Imagine why women do what they can to make home conditions bearable. Go straight ahead as you are going, go-ing, and don't make any explanations explana-tions or excuses in your letters to Tod. Continue to write him cheerful, gossipy letters full of the children's affairs, news of his old friends, with clippings from newspapers and magazines that are of interest to him. Don't argue the matter at all, or excuse yourself. Wisest Course. It seems to me you are acting very wisely. You are helping with the great need of nurses; you are certainly saving money; you have worked out an excellent solution for the boys, and have found yourself your-self a congenial comfortable home and a beloved companion. If every woman in your predicament could solve her problems as simply there would be much less straightening out of tangles to face after the war. Of course, always keep on the note that when Tod comes back you will be together again with the boys, and with nobody else, for housemates. house-mates. Meanwhile consider your home problems as much your own affair as war problems are his. You are not writing him directions as to what hours to keep, what friends to make, what food to eat You know that the droad machine of war has gripped him, and that until it lets go he must do the best he can, and like all the rest of us get through these awful years day by day, with whatever philosphy we can muster. Certainly we want to write the boys good news, to keep them from whatever distresses them, to assure as-sure them that while they are doing their Job so magnificently, we are handling ours courageously, too. But to supinely take directions affecting your personal life from a man thousands thou-sands of miles away, a man who naturally has no Idea of what Is meant by shortages of gas and domestic help, butter and shoes, transportation, living quarters and commodities generally, would be to show yourself too weak a woman to be of any use In the heroic poitwnr world we muft so soon construct. And you don't sound like that sort of a woman. |