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Show I 9 H ; Little Problems sf parried Life j i t 4 i f J WILLIAM GEORGE JORDAN J (Cop) DANGER OF OR APART MENTAL . When two friends .lnrt out for n ' long walk together tlicy seem iiistlnc-tivoly iiistlnc-tivoly to niljust their stops so that they wnll; shlo Iy slili, within touch-ln touch-ln distance of each other. If onu gradually quickens Ills pace until lie Is yards uheud of thu other mill, In his self-absorption, Increasingly widens tho distance between thorn, they eonsu i to bo two walking together and bo- como two wall; I lit; alone. Marriage Is a lifelong wallt together of two who have selected enrli other from nil the world. It Is community of thought, Ideals, alms, needs and sentiments that lends to hoop them in stop. It don; not mean n sacrifice of Individuality, nor doe.s It demand unanimity of opinion, opin-ion, hut there should ever ho progressive progres-sive harmony on essentials and pro ' grcssh - sympathy on nonessentials. Some men feel a pleasant clow of satisfaction In fulfilled duty when they divide generously with their wives their material prosperity. If money woro thu only thing In life, or even thu greatest thin?, their view would ho correct, hut tho really greatest things In tho world nru those that money cannot buy. When n man lluds himself growing broader mentally and does not share his new self with his wife, ho Is taking an Intellectual elevator ele-vator and letting her trudge alone up , thu tblalrway as best she can, When i lie grown Into u larger and liner social world and does not umbo her a part of It ho Is traveling In tho pnrlor-car and keeping her In the day couch. When tho larger Interpretation of life and Its problems strengthens libs spiritual spir-itual and ethical vision, while bis wlfo continues In the narrow horizon of uu-llluuilnated uu-llluuilnated household cares, bo Is monopolizing tho fc telescope, which brings things near and larger, leaving J lier thu microscope which only In- creases thu Importance of her trllles. 1 Crowing apart mentally must, under these conditions, become Inevitable. It may bo that bo nlono Is to blaiao; It may ho her fault, or It may bo the blind thoughtlessness of both. Ills repeated attempts to tall: over with her bis B Ideals, bis dreams of ambition, bis plans, purposes and progress, to stlinu-late stlinu-late her Interest, to than) with her his Intellectual uplift may be met with no B real comprehension, no sympathy, no H inspiring response When comradeship H In marriage dies, It really makes very H little difference what tho postmortem B verdict as to thu decease may be. R When the husband Is nut In tho world of business v. blch tends to blend j with tho social world, bo may broaden i ' mentally as ho prospers materially. , Ho travels over tho country, and In a ' wider uequnlntuneo with men and eon- dltloiis has many of tho rough edges of provincialism worn smooth. Ho meets men of attainment and action, H' hie'n of power and prestige, and under u moro stimulating emlronmctit dovol-ops dovol-ops latent strength of bis own. lie brushes up against been minds that put u new edgo tin Ids thinking; ho Is In closer touch with current thought and opinion; he has acquired a polish. Thu keynote of Ids living, so far as so'-Jcty Is concerned, Is higher. Ills tastes become moro discriminating, bis deimiuds more exacting. It ho has not been sharing those things with tho wlfo of bis youth, bo lluds she has been standing Still while bo bus been progressing. Kite who faithfully struggled with blm and for him, helped him to get tho foothold of his present success, ' ond beenmo absorbed In working, plan- ulng and saving, may now bo a meru HBl drudge. Hu bus n new standard of HBb llfu now, and fcho falls sadly short of H it. Ilo measures things moro super- dually, and though her heart may bo ! unchanged, her bead is not up to date. Hi'1 lie may bo ashamed to Introduce bur HHb Into tho new society of which hu has HHV becomu a part; she Is plain, uunttrae- HHf the, overretlrlng or overloquucluus. HHm Shu Is aggressive In her dress and (lis- HHi play ; alio Is not familiar with tho rales HHf of tho socfat game with tho "tech- HHg -lUpiu" of his now sot. Tho old equality between them lias HHT , been destroyed killed through no- gleet. It is not tho work of n moment, HHl y but tho slow, widening process of years HHl of growing apart. Hut the realization HHl of it all may como in u moment. There may bo suddenly un Illuminating Hush HHl of consciousness, when bo luvoluii- lurlly faces It, in comparing her with HHi other women. HHl Sniiiu little ninnnerlsm of hers that unco was sweet, Just because it was HHi , hers, Jars on Ids sensibilities and HHi ' strikes a discordant note. Ouco ho HHl did not euro whether she thought it HHf . was Homer or Cnrlylo who wrote- ".Silas Mariner," or whether she hud HHl I heard of either author or book. Per- Hi I liais at that time hu did not know tho HHj book himself. Tho red tapu of so- HH ciety's cards, passwords and methods Hh may havo beeomo second nuturu to HH him, and bn Is unjust in his comlenma- HH (Ion of un ignorunco which would not HH have existed lmd ho been sharing with HHJ her his expanding life. Hu may no- HHJ tlco with a grating seuso of dismay HJi that slio dofs not put V-t -oft pedul HHjK on her laufhter to conform to the HHJ proper rippling notes of mirth pre- HHjR nrrlbed by taa social code. She, too, HHJ may huvo hir saddening moments of HH, realization und refuse to enter a HHL Vorl J whore uho feels her inferiority, HH y or not, realizing, may, to his chagrin, Insist on her rights. Usually she boldly bold-ly takes the plunge into tho social waters, confident that she will, somehow, some-how, get back to shore. Shu may live, In bis presence, In nn atmosphere of patronizing tolerance, fearlpg at every word that she maj H-.umblo Into some pitfall of mispronunciation mispro-nunciation or an Inadvertent phrase or, growing self-assured nnd reckless she puts on a full bead of steam in tho presenco of it position requiring tact and Just crashes through It like an engineer running his train over a burning bridge. Ills bearing may reach Its melting point; In his acquired mi-persensltlveness mi-persensltlveness ho puts fictitious values val-ues on points whero she Is deficient and bis tolerance fades Into positive neglect. Ilo may then devote his whole time to liner minds, fairer fnces and freer morals. How far they may drift apart, no one can tell. It may bo that It Is tho wlfo who advances mentally, and ho who Is tho laggard. Tho Increnied prosperity may menu closo confinement for him to the drudgery of business. Tho society so-ciety of a few old friends, survivals of the time when be was poor and struggling, strug-gling, may be nil bo cares for. Literature Litera-ture may not appeal to him. His dally paper supplies alt his needs. Tho activities ac-tivities of tho world of modern science, thought and culture have for him no real Interest. His wife, left free to ' thu rounding out of her mind and life, may develop a (asto for reading, for companionship that Is mentally worth having, for original thinking, for tho charm of true conversation, for ttie discussion of subjects of real Importance. Impor-tance. She may gather around her a clrclo of friends who feed her mciitnl hunger and stimulate her thinking. Hu feels vaguely out of plnco with tbesu new friends of hers, llko n poor relation rela-tion at a Christmas dinner. .She has found her way into tho Innd of tho Intellectual and lias established u residence theie, while he, In his loneliness and Isolation, Is camping on Its frontiers. Hu feels somewhat it stranger In his own bouse at social gatherings of her friends. Hu may chafe under thu feeling that bo Is on tho wrong side of thu proscenium arch; that ho in not oao of thu performers, per-formers, but meiely a spectator. Hu longs to cut out all "Ibis heavy intellectual intel-lectual business" and go off quietly with u friend or two and just Bit, itutl talk, and smoke. This growing apart mentally may assume any of a hundred phases. Husband Hus-band and wlfo may bo subjected to tiny class of differing environments that change their mental standpoint and their moral nympnthy. New Ideas and new ideals may sweep old landmarks land-marks of mutual understanding far out to tea. It Is a sad outgrowing of u union of lovu and companionship, a growing unuutlsflednoss whero sjioech that meets no sympathetic response lapses Into ollence. When sympathy and recognition of one's ideals are found only outside the home walls, when the Instinctive Impulse to tell of a success or n failure turns to some ono else, when ears grow hungry for outside prul.se, there Is serious danger to the happiness of married life. It Is so easy to keep together If both realize tho vital Importance to all that Is sweetest In life In keeping In step, In true comradeship. Talking over tho affairs of their Individual lives and their llfu In common, the hopes, the longings, tho doubts, the Joys urn! tho problems, gives each the basis of knowledgu from which most truly to understand and advise each other. Heading the same books, discussing the same current events, hearing tho snuiu music, seeing tho same plays, criticizing criticiz-ing tho Biimo pictures, having dearest friends In common, agreeing on tho same spiritual and ethical attltudo towards to-wards life, and sharing in thoughts and plans will do much towards making mak-ing a growing apart mentally an impossibility. im-possibility. This keeping In stop does not mean tho sacrlllco of the stronger to the weaker, but the stronger over, through love, raising tho weaker to higher planes of thinking and living. It Is not necessary that they should oven ngreo as to tho valuo of each otln-rV pursuits or views, but that both should know them, understand them and respect re-spect them and bo lovingly tolerant where they aro not united In their sentiment sen-timent or desires. They should give ever their best to each other. When tho husband Is u clever, delightful de-lightful companion nt some ouo else' dinner-table, but a Bad, stlll-llfo stud) in fillenco nt his own, ho Is not giving his best at home. Hu iu retaining bis best for tho export Undo and reserving reserv-ing none for homo consumption. When tho wlfo has charity, consideration and sympathy for tho cares of others out-sldu out-sldu tho home, nnd only sharpness and sarcasm for those inside, tho time-tablo time-tablo of that homo requires Instant revision or tliero will bo n crashlnis disaster to their truln of happiness, Sources of discord multiply llko Australian Aus-tralian rabbits when tho growing apart Intensifies. It Is tho sacred duty of both to prevent It nt tho very beginning, begin-ning, to determine that they will permit per-mit no thoughtlessness, no drifting, no false seuso of duty to family or to the world, to Rnpnruto them from each other. |
