Show !lore unfavorite lines parents say What do children of divorce want parents to know? In Santa Fe NM we talked with Allison West 15 with Dallas McIngvale 14 and her brother Trip 16 whose parents were divorced when they were very little and with Jacey Margolis 14 whose parents were divorcedlour years ago Mom When you decide to get a divorce definitely tell the kids "We're not doing this because of you" Because tons of kids think it's their fault And be very honest with your kids about what's going on Datas: But what if you find out that your parents absolutely hate each other? I think that knowing that would cause you a lot more pain than just that they can't get along anymore That your parents could go from loving each other and having a family to absolutely hating each other can really hurt a child Nillson: And don't use your child as a middleman like "Tell your dad that! say to send the child support right now" I tell my mom "Just talk to Dad" I hate being in the middle Because then my dad will say "Well tell your mom I'm not gonnaunless she" That's happened so much and I've gotten so mad about it with both of them that now they do call each other directly Jacey: YeahSometimes my father will say "Why'd your mother let I you go to this by yourself?" He still V x V A rA I1 — -0- 1 --0 0f — k-s- on keel m - Linde Saunders Heft) and Wendy Hayes Money is a huge factor Jacey: Yes Just because there's a difference in financial circumstances your child shouldn't have to worry about everything she says You want to feel free to talk about what happened without thinking that Dad can take you to certain places because he has more money than Mom has Chow Sometimes during a divorce a parent thinks that everything's okay and "Oh Allison's just adjusting fine" But you should give your kids extra attention because all this fighting is going on and you wonder if they still love you just the same Al:ison: :-- 111 fik Dalai ) earmuffs" I s1 1 - wants to have the same authority that he used to have when I lived with him And when I'm with my dad my mom still wants to be able to say "Make sure you wear you i- Tao Jacer Don't make your kids feel guilty about talking about the other parent's house or about things you've done together Because the other parent is still part of the kid's life AiIkon: The parent you're not living with should have a little trust in the other parent—that they know what they're doing Trip: And in the child "Here is the most unfavorite unreasonable—and overused— phrase in both of our households (with regard to parties etc): 'Are parents going to be there? No!? (gasp!) Then neither are you" —Wendy Hayes 18 and Jamie Saunders 17 Lexington NC "Pick up that mess" (when I didn't do it) "Make your bed" (when it's already made) —Tonya Copher 16 Aught TeL "There is no reason why you can't talk on the phone right out here in the Does what a girl wears provoke rape? —Donna Weeden 15 Camden NY A recent column on this subject provoked many people Here are excerpts from some of the letters we received: 1 listen you will go to jail"—liekli secretly wanted to be robbed? No! "I and any other woman can dress He's asked for evidence of the crime Frost 21 San Luis Obispo Calif as skimpy as I want flirt my head committed against him while they off and let a man buy me expensive are totally visual—one look "Guys ask her about instigating the crime" dinners and I don't owe him a thing and they are aroused And they don't —61limi Allen 36 lodestar Idaho to control Women have the right their bodies no matter how hot they've 1 gotten a man There are plenty of men who are full of desire for women and they don't rape"—Heather Bradshaw 20 Talahassee Fla I I girls have no excuse for rape But a girl must take' responsibility for how she presents herself and her body to the world" have the tombe— j 1 PARADE MAGAZINE pre-hig- --- I I I s 1 i 1 JANUARY 26 1992 MIRO Oakdale Pat - girl attending my first h school I was when party in back a trapped - a bedroom and raped I only had society's myths to rely on: I shouldn't have worn a miniskirt or eye makeup I should have known that a guy would rape me if I looked pretty "But am I supposed to believe that our clothes give men the right to destroy women's lives? My wish is for society to replace the old myths with one that says 'No matter what she wears no matter how she acts if a girl says 'No' and you don't PACES "If! had talked back to my father like that I would have had to pick myself up off the floor" —11chie Hilliard 18 Bonham Tex ("From the most pestered generation" he says "since the kids of the '60s") urn "Are we saying that in America a girl doesn't have the freedom to choose her own clothing because men say 'It's hard to be restrained'? Whose problem is that? And is that how our country's young men are being raised? The rapists are the ones who should change their behavior" —Sasha Pettry ' 19' Kionea Wyo al- "If a woman is raped she's asked if she secretly wanted it if she wore sexy clothes flirted If a man is robbed do they ask him if he wore an expensive suit what he was doing out and if he continued I al—le—to-lu-s-tt- —Patty "I was a quiet 1 kitchen" "Ten minutes is enough time to talk on the phone" (even though they'll talk for an hour to a friend) 17h -- t I'd do g'ir Recently a I from New York wrote to ask She said she'd broken my advice up with a bo'y almost a year before but remained friends with him She'd also become very good friends with his and even decided to take brothers one of them to her prom Then one day her 1 called to say he was getting with his wife I felt- so crushed "Why did I feel like that?' she asked "Our relationship is °vet True I about him and I hav' e two Tcturalees of him on my wall Now IPlook at them and want to cry Am I still in What should I do?" i Here I 1 married because he'd gotten a girl pregnant "Now this is not the type of to be I loveybiymowdTerithithseeeenrvrhldfienlis? I - k wy:a N lu3ynrieeAe:wx:'skb 'reporter'" dmo when our song came on and he danced it I 7"—: i tBeontultgh 1 2 guy married" she wrote ithan'o'anebsylvwdliedhakyeedgliwnceasgetesnnthrort ' - os lo 1 Fresh tnces: 1 r tyan karit011 I i 1 4 |