Show - - nally did begin to lose some childhood fat it was because I'd shot up to my full height of 5 feet 7 when I was 10 or so 1 felt big and galumphing but I also looked older which allowed me to make monsmall-tim- e ey dancing at local clubs in a version of the career that show-busine- ss seemed the only way out of our neighborhood At 151 pretended to be 18 in order to enter a local talentbeauty contest and felt inordinately depressed when I failed to win My ballet teacher also dimmed my dream of dancing my way out of Toledo when she said I was too tall en pointe for a partner Since I never questioned society's dictum that a woman be shorter than her dates (and her eventual husband) a lifetime of creative slumping stretched before me Later when college had got me out of Toledo I gave up dancing—my only exercise As a result college confirmed my habit of living in my head:! studied ate and gained my share of "the freshman ton" Fortunately feminist ideas began to explode at the end of the '050s They helped women to realize we shared an overarching problem: being judged on our outsides instead of what was in our heads and hearts Feminism rescued me But it had one result for which! was myself referred to as "the pretty one" It showed what the media thought feminists looked like:! was judged much prettier after feminism than I ever had been before But I didn't feel prettier (or even pretty) Because the image I had of my body was so much realer than reality it never occurred to me to question its childhood roots—to ask myself why I hid my face stood and always felt enormous It was in this stage of my life that! saw myself on television Once I got past the shock I began to admit that there was something called body image Seeing myself looking so calm on the screen— and knowing that I had been petrified inside—also gave me more sympathy for other people I realized that no one can ever know how we see ourselves Once I realized that image wasn't reality I also began to wonder about my mother She was a woman who had paid almost no attention to her physical self One of my earliest memories is brushing her hair and dabbing powder on her pale cheeks while she sat docile as a child depending on me to "fix her up" for her rare outings It made me wonder: How had my mother seen herself as a young girl before her long bouts of depression? When I asked she described how rawboned and "gawky" she had felt next to her littler rounder "prettier" sister and how angry she had been at her mother for giving them both the message that women's bodies were shameful She had eloped with my father because he made her laugh---balso she said because she felt "grateful" to be chosen That day when my mother was in her 70s was the first time she and I had ever talked about anything as basic as our bodies factory-wor- kers' round-shoulder- ed ut Now years later I look at the photo she gave me and see the tall spare young woman she was in her early 20s I realize with irony that in her "gawky" youth she was exactly the free androgynous image I would later try so hard to become In the decade since my mother's death I've been trying to appreciate my authentic body as she was never allowed to do and also to learn what it has to teach "The body never forgets" is the motto of therapists who use its memories to help us unlock the past I've corne to believe that the mind's image of the body never forgets either I know a woman who saw herself with such shameful distorted breasts that she wanted to have surgery—until she remembered only a week before the operation that her grandmother had made her wear painful bindings as a developing girl and realized surgery was not the healing she needed I interviewed a man whose body image included shriveled-u-p arms until he traced that muscle memory to his being a small powerless boy trying not to strike back at his violent father As for myself! am still learning from my body's memory I only recently realized for instance why nausea always has felt like the end of the world to me—so much so that I once endangered my life by refusing to throw up after food poisoning By retracing that fearsome feeling I rediscovered the clay when I realized I was solely responsible for my mother My father long separated from her had driven me home from Girl Scout camp After he had left and I was alone with my very depressed mother I felt in the pit of my stomach the malted and hamburger he had bought me hours before They seemed to remain there for days But once I had recognized the source of this fear its power began to slip away The moment we find the reason behind an emotion—whether it has to do with body image or anything else—the wall we have built is breached and the positive memories it has kept from us return too That's why it pays to ask those painful questions The answers can set you free While working on this article for instance I've been thinking how grateful I am to my parents for respecting my body as a child and never spanking or abusing it I've also realized that focusing on parts of my body that! like—and trying to imagine expanding that feeling to the rest of me—is a key to the whole-bod- y pride that should be everyone's birthright The one part of my body of which I always have been unequivocally proud are the hands !inherited from my father—his long tapering graceful hands of which I was never ashamed Sometimes when my hand rests on a surface I see the middle finger tap involuntarily exactly as my father's used to do and I feel his visceral presence I hope he knows that I'm no Di longer ashamed—of either of us 11 PARADE MAGAZINE 1ANUARY 12 1992 PAGE 11 From 'Revolution From Within" by Gloria Steinem Copyright C 1992 by Gloria Steinem Reprinted by per mission of Little Brown and Company Inc I VICTOR BORGE VIDEOS THE BEST OF BORGE The King of Musical Madness now on Hilarious - E S- Home Video ' 1- Now the fabulous Wing of Musical Madness is on Home Video See the -- Ulf' worrd's funniest man performing the comedy bits that have become legends' You'll need a seatbelt to stay in your chair while he performs his outrageous - 1 4ftP pratn: piano variations and musical explanations BC117e' More popular than ever the beloved "Great Dane' I YorMS his unique brand of humor coupled with the most delightful enchanting piano solos before a live audience 1 In the 45 minute show soprano Marylyn Mulvey whose deadpan face coupled with a brilliant voice sets Borge up fir one of the funniest routines ever created You will have difficulty catching your breath as Borge works with a "stupid' page turner who happens to be his son Ron Borge warns that he has four more children like 1 C one-line- rs u "The Master Funnyman of the Age" -T-IME MAGAZINE PublisherChoice s GUARANTEE If you are dissatisfied with your purchase In any way you may return It for a prompt aud full refund All orders are processed promptly and non- will be sent In case of delay VIE0 - "The Best of Victor Berge45 minute show—Act One ONLY $1995 ALSO MUM 'The Best of Victoi Borge"— 90 minute extravtmganza—Act One and Act Two combined ONLY $2995 ABOUT THE ARTIST to Born into a musical 1 family in Copenhagen Borge was hailed as a piano Victor - prodigy at age 8 He eventually gained fame for combining comedy with piano music Barge has been a US resident since before the World War IL having escaped Europe after causing an uproar by ridiculing the Nazis He holds the record for the most one-ma- shows on Broadway n (849) and has been knighted by the five Scandinavian countries ts 1 13 : "He is One of the Funniest People in the World' --LA TIMES CAtiltti 6 I 1 801ME that The 90 minute show includes everything from the 45 minute show plus an additional 45 minutes of comedy madness Just when you thought you couldn't laugh any more Borge teams with the very funny Sahan Arzrimi in Borge's piano interpretation of l'2nd Rhapsody by Fliszt" the four-han- d Even the piano can't stay still You won't believe your ears when you hear Victor perform all the vocal parts in his "Salieri Opera" based on the world's zaniest plot His Inflationary Language' brings the hilarity to an even higher level which can only be topped by the one and only "Phonetic Punctuation' which Borge uses to close this laugh marathon 'The Best of Borges videos are guaranteed to be future collector's items They are gems you will enjoy viewing again and again Warning—you may have difficulty wiping the smiles off le VICTOR rPublishers Choice Huntington Station - t: r Box 4171 Dept HMO-1- U 1 NY 11746 Please rush me: Victor Borge Video-4- 5 minute show $1995 --H- A60 Victor Borge Video-9- 0 minute show 12995 & NY lesiOents add sales tax Please add $19001 toreach video cakied CA —HAM My Check is enclosed for my 0 VISA 0 MASIERCARD AcctN01111111111111111111Exp Name— Address LatZ1932 Kenai State Vienna' Inc Gonna! 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