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Show Blizzard ums n During the recent blizzard that hit the Northeast, I was houseboundfor four days. On thefifth day,I called a friend with a truck the size of a rhinoceros. She was going shopping, and I tagged along. As shepulled into Safeway, I jumped from thecar andsprinted across the road — to the liquor store, where the checkout line, by the way, was longer than at Safeway. I recognized everyone, They were parents from my kids’ school. Five days at home with chil- dren, and you think ourpriorities are milk and bread? “Chivas Regal,” I told the clerk. “Industrial strength.”” All weeklong,I read snowstories that fall into two categories (that is, I mean, if my paper was actually delivered I would have readstories like these): No. 1. How the snow brings us together in fellowship with our neighbors, howthe inconvenience of the snow forcesus to acknowledge our symbiosis as a species, and how it evokes a kinder, gentler time when people stopped to help strangers andgot together for a quilting bee and a barn-raising — andthenfor laughs, hung a horse thief by the neck until his eyes exploded, No. 2. How the snow makes us nuts. You know me, Monty, I’m going for DoorNo. 2. My favorite story about going nuts involves my friend Gino, whose neighbor managed to free her carbypiling all the snow from. her driveway into the street in front of Gino's house; a real neighborly act. And please, neighbors, do not tell me about how crowded the subwaytrainsin the capital of the United States of America are and how muchtrouble you have had getting to work —I think we'veall stooda little too close and smelled a little too much of our fellow man. (Memoto rider: Geniusis 1 percent inspiration and 99 per- Tony Kornheiser That night, as he approached his homeafter a harrowing twohour drive from Washington, Gino got stuck in the snowbank that his neighbor has piled up. Gino respondedto this annoyance in a mannerbefitting his maturity: He howled at the top of his lungs like a coyote in the moon- cent perspiration, and so are you!) Mostly, though, I am tired of peopletelling me how wimpy we Washingtonians are and how where THEY comefrom, a little piddling snowfall like this wouldn't even close the schools, let alone shutter businesses. “When I was growing up in the light, then freed his car by me- thodically depositing all of the snow, shovelful by shovelful, tight backonto his neighbor's car. She saw this and cameout of her house screaming and cursing. NowGinofears the beginnings of some Hatfield-McCoything. He is terrified that his dogs will be poisoned or that in the still of night, a potato will be shoved up the tailpipe of his Isuzu Trooper all-terrain four-wheel-drive vehicle with a big spare tire on the back and shopping bags inside from “Dean & Deluca’ — bringing meto the real point of this column, which is detestable, pathetic suburban cowboys like my dearfriend Gino. Listen, these are days of rage for me. Myfuseis short. Think of me as a Humvee with a gunturret. In my neighborhood, the really cool thing for these pencil-necked yuppies to do after a heavy snow is show off their cross-country skiing. They come downthestreet in their $300 Coogi sweaters, knickers and knitted socks, making their little schuss tracks on bucolic, rustic Upper Peninsula their way to Starbucks, of course. Howpretentious can you get? This isn't Norway, Lars. Grab a shovel andhelp dig someoneout. Tam thinking of stretching some piano wire from my tree, across mystreet, to the tree on the other side. Maybeat anklelevel. Or better yet, neck level. We could pull up deck chairs to watch. Speaking of which, there are the people who have actually set up chairs on the roadin front of their housessothe rest of us won't park there. The one or two plowed streets in my neighborhood are crawling with pool chairs,likeit’s the aft deck of the Titanic. Atfirst, I thoughtit was a yardsale on the polar icecap.If I ever get my car off my street and onto somewhereI cansee asphalt, I'm takingoutevery chairlikeit’s bumperpool. of Michigan,” they say, “the snow would get so deep we hadto walk to workonstilts. Cars would burrow through the snow like groundhogs. ...”” To these people, I say: “When you were growing up in the bucolic, rustic Upper Peninsula of Michigan, localresidents had not yet developed a written language or opposable thumbs. Thank you.” And my Dad, bless him,called from Florida the other dayto inform me that a frost was endangering the citrus crop — and all the folks with orange trees in their yards had to go out and squeeze thefruit that night. Dad, that's a great story, and I love ws cles ACROSS 67 YelloworBlack 10 AuthorEari__ 35 Bring ___ (make i honed 11 Harrison or Reed 14 Gershwin brother 18 Change the 59 WSW opposite 60 islet 61 Strips 62 June honoree 11 Practice 12 Actress Le Gallienne 13 Marked a ballot 18 Like some 36 __ Culp Hobby 37 Honk 38 Society newcomer 41 Heavy 42 Faucetfault 58 Abrasives Toddler whereit comes from.Logically, there are only two possibilities. Either it comes from somewhereoutside the human body or somewhere fromwithin. Given the extensive work done by science on the “outside theory,” it is safe to concludethat it must comefrom within. The “inside theory’ has been, for the most part, ignored byscience,so let's movein that direction. One thingis for certain,if it comes from within, it is dramatically out of place, and the reasonforits displacement must have been unusualandcatastrophic. If the “inside theory” is correct, then HIV is an actual body part with a name anda placeoforigin. The DNA Connection; The most obvious characteristic of HIVis its lack of DNA. Now, how manystationary body parts can there be that lack DNA? Actually, there are only two — the intellectual mind (memory) and the immune mind (memory). We know that each contain no DNA because learned behavior cannot be passed from generation to generation. Since the problem (HIV)is immunein nature, it is logical to believe that HIV is a ‘memory molecule” — a dislocated memory molecule from the master memory (mind) of the immune system. The Intelligent Connection: If HIV is a memory molecule, its behavior would be predictable both inside the memory bankandoutside. Inside, it would be relaxed, and at optimum intelligence, it would be fully cooperative and protective in all matters relating to function, Outside, it would be overactive and overprotective. It would betotally uncooperative and lacking in protective ability. Its positive protective ability would be “lost.” Call it HIV if you wish. However, the evidence is mounting in favor of “memory molecule.” In its normal, fixed position within the memory bank, it would contain the necessary information to neutralize pathogenic interference, Whenany part of immuneintelligence is “lost,” a disorder similar to AIDS would emerge. Therelationship is perfect — the loss of specific immunity (AIDS)and at the same time the appearanceof HIV. Coincidence?I'll let you makethecall. Nevertheless, it is important to remember that there must havebeena first case of AIDS. It is entirely possible that dislocation occurred and that some sort of gross abuse was the cause. The gross abuse is intravenous drug use, When you inject powerful drugs directly into the blood stream, you bypassall the natural processes that change and rearrange them for humanuse. The result is over-pollution of the lymphatic system. When any part of stationary immuneintelligence is blocked by unregulated powerful drugs, immune intelligence would have nootherchoice but to flush the system and restore optimumintelligence. In doing so, it is possible that the affected memory molecule could be released. The worstpossible scenario that can happen in a humanbodyis to dislocate a memory molecule; the secondis to receive one from someoneelse, The Transmission Connection: If HIV is the cause of AIDS, you would expect it to treat everyonethe same.It doesn't,so there must be a logical reason. The answeris simple. People whoreceive HIV from others do not have anything wrong with their immune memory.It is fully intact and functional. HIV is discarded immune memory. Whenyoureceive a memoTy molecule (virus) by transmission, you now have many, oneof whichis in its correct position in the immune memory bank, fighting pathogenicinterference. The others are moying about the body trying to destroy function. Theresult is exactly what you would expect — a long latent period between infection and the appearance of symptoms. The gradual development of AIDS-like symptoms can beattrib- teries. Titled Books to Diefor, the group meets thefirst Thursday of every month from to 8:30 p.m. Meetings take place in the Story Roomofthe Main Library, 209 E. 500 South. The group’s next meeting is Thursday, Feb. 1. For moreinformation,call 524-8213. @ Christian Growth Experience: On: BONNER EE DO EROS GO [E/RMRH/AlD) lelaltle] iI |OlE/N|VE(REM T/O/RIE) [E)N]T(ERm LViO]N gO)RIAIT HOG Bonar Dr. Ed Everding, professor of Christian Education and New Testament from Biff School of Theology in Denver, will lead a weekend Christian Growth and Continuing Education experience titled, “The Bible and Christian Growth.” There will be four sessions: Friday, Feb. 2, 7 p.m.; Saturday, Feb. 3; Sunday, Feb. 4, 2 p.m. Registration fee is $15 per person. Thesessions will be held at First United Methodist Church, 203 S. 200 East. For more information,call 328-8726. ister, Renae a) Png ae Pie 13) HOUSE OF BLINDS CATied Foothill Animal Clinic 2356 Foothili Drive Salt Lake City, UT 84109 736 44 Goddess of wisdom 45 Wept 47 Central idea 4 Have a 27 Swerve tough) 21 Really weird 23 Marty or Steve shoulderto___ 5 Felled byanax 6 Simile center 28 Sum (up) 30 Partof USA 31 Fork prong 24 Sashes 7 Lemieux's 29 fetienent 8 alte, perhaps 33 Silonaighbor 85 Red River 30 Give __ for one's money 9 Fencing swords 34 Carson replacer actress 56 Assist (Dogpatch league 26 Flowing rock 48 Icky 50 Drop fur 51 Of__|Sing 52 inquire 53 oea 32 Singular person re 31 Exhausted 32 General Bradiey 33 Prejudiced 34 Gravel-voiced actor 38 Broncos’turf 39 Ripped 40 Comein 41 Frenchcity 42 “Phooey!” 46 Kick 47 Trail shelter 48 Briquette rack 49 Turkish bigwig 51 Singer Yearwood §2 Every one 54 Hollywood columnist (CREATORS BYNOICATE©1908 STANLEY NEWMAN Pet of the Week instant belief in simplicity is its name, pro- gress is its game. In relation to AIDS,if youare able to accept the dictates of logic and pursue the new problem with the belief that HIV is a memory molecule,it will take you to the next level. It will also answerall the important questions along the way. However,if you don’t, progress stops and youare exactly whereyou werebefore. It is possible that HIV is a memory molecule and that science failed to define it properly. li could be that science madea left turn at the viral highway whenit could have madea right turn onto “memory” lane. The mostimportantpeople in the world are those whohave AIDS. It is a bad reflection on society that we allow people to suffer. We must do everything we can. We must pursue every possibility no matter how remote it may seem. Their future is our future. We are a society noted for our achievements. This is a real opportunity to show the world that we can live up to our potential Photography by James Butterfield Reggie, a small golden retriever mix, will be the perfect house dog. He is amazingly calm and gentle, especially for his age — six months. Reggie has had an opportunity to mingle with children here at the shelter and doesn't jump on them orlick their faces. Heactually rests his head on the nearest shoulder andwaits to be petted or kissed. Whata great dog! Reggiewill be perfect for older people whoare lookingfor a calm, well-mannered dog. He can be adopted from Salt Lake County Animal Services, 511 W. 3900 South, 264-2267. for Hactory Direct Mattrass Sale Z duns\ Dican] Sota oeRS eres BTiS398 ©@ Mechanical Engineering Course: The Utah Section of the American Society of Mechanical Engineers announces the 4th annual Mechanical Engineering Professional Engineer Review Course, starting Saturday, Feb. 3. The course is designed to prepare can- didates for the P.E. exam. The six-week course will be held each Saturday morning at the University of Utah in room 3225 of the Merrill Engineering Building. Registration is $100 for members of ASME and $125 for nonmem- CELEBRATE FREE ne eat pussple atro x Feb.6 BodyFat Test Feb. 7 Personal Trainer Feb, 8&9 Neck and Shoulder Massage Feb. 10 Fitness Trainer FoAiptio™Feaing 441008)orsnip gttitiOne ples GENERAL NUTRITION CENTERS Here’s To Your Health, America!™ FOOTHILL VILLAGE 1400 Foothill Dr. TD SeanS898 anne eianenanan [BoYearGuaranie] ay, | Continued on page 4 15%orr Dental! Services actress 3 Hair trouble problem that needs attention. Logic also indi- eae Sam {please call for appointment) 22 Homericepic 24 Kind of exam 25 Resurrection cates thatit requires a combinationofscientific reason and logic to solve it. The scientific work has already been done. Theonly thing left is to fill in the gaps using logic. There are three ways to pursue the new problem: @ Someonewith a scientific background in immunology learns to use logic and produces progress. © Someonewith a knowledgeoflogic learns basic immunology and makesthe connection. @ Science and logic combine, each doing what they do best — produce progress. For those who donotfully understandlogic, it will seem impossible to actually produce progress. The reason, while not obvious, is pertinent. Logic does not produce proof; an mpicket® oly of Dental Care;loo, 43 Grated 1 Jack Haley role 2 Seerofasort uted to the gradualdestruction of immuneintelligence by HIV. Accordingto logic, the gradual destruction of immuneintelligence by HIVis the next ce Pets Need use o 20 Earthquake _ another weekuntil I can get to the grocery store and, if I’m lucky, pick up some crummytin can of frozen concentrate. So, Dad, take that story and shovel it. Community Calendar Editor’s Note: If you are interested in placing an item in Citizens’ Community Calendar, please mail or fax it to ‘Citizens,’ 135 S, Main, Salt Lake City, Utah 84111. Fax: 237-2519. For more information, call NAC at 2372716. All items should be submitted two weeks in advance. ® Mystery Books: The Salt Lake City Public Library has a book discussion group especially for those who love mys- Biggers dorms WN form of 16 First lady 17 Rhoda mother 19 Ate Acareful blendof scienceandlogic defines AIDS Continued from page 1 THEY GOT LEGS by Bob Lubbers Edited by Staniey Newman you. But we’ve got 28 inches of snow onthe ground, andit may be 583-3959 OOOOOOOOOOOOO005000S eS SEAS eee \e eighbor into unfriendly foe Page3 EastEdition Citizens January31, 1996 be >t >a >€ DE dE >e De D4 DS De De DE 4 DE PEPE PEPE OE SLEEP CENTER VCReC MM aITE SiN Cit ..and we don’t take American Express. It's Everywhere You WantToBe.* |
