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Show 2ff The Salt Lake Tribune, Sunday, October 10, 1971 Take off your nuptial mask, we all know youre human By Bernie Moss Tribune Staff Writer how she said it. She will probably disagree with the interpretation and is shown the film and listens to the tape. Then the process is reversed. "Often times the interpretation and the video treatment can be quite astonishing to both. The couple not only is able to see what they look and sound like to others but also is able to get a feeling of how they project themselves. This helps them begin to tune in to each other. But, of course, you cant tune into others until you tune in to yourself . . . understand your rwn role. Everybody hungers to be intimate but our society and upbringing has programmed us to be independ it. We're taught not to be dependent in our emotional needs, says Dr. Laura J. Si newly nger-Magdof- elected president of the American Association of Marriage and Family Counselors. "Dependence is a sign of weakness and therefore our independence becomes a protective armor. We don this suit of armor to protect ourselves emotionally. Ilow to Be Beal who is Dr. in Salt Lake City with the AsMaintaining the importance of a person learning how to be sociations annual conference said at the Hotel Utah, says that real, Dr. one of the biggest problems of that her objective is to enable couples and families today is a person to discover that evbeing able to shed this eryone has the same proband the lems, same need learned armor and communsame fears of letting go emoicate. "Most couples think they tionally. Its important that he are communicating but com- learns that he has a right to be himself, she said. municating is more than just is "People usually try to mask talking to each other. It what is what to able they're feeling. In trying Interpret being to help them get rid of this being said," she said. "A husband may come mask, some might emphatihome from woik tired and cally insist they cant. Now that can mean a number of grouchy and be greeted by a wife who's also tired and things. It might indicate that they are scared or that they grouchy. If both would realize are just stubborn. It might be verbalized is that what being is not a hostility directed at a carry over from a rebellious child aspect, the other, but a cry to moth"It would be beneficial, er me or help me, perhaps an unpleasant evening could however, to be able to tune into the child in each of us. be avoided. We need the opportunity to Listen to Spouse be, not childish, but childto be able to say In explaining methods used like in counseling troubled help me, care for me, love Cinger-Magdof- not there. In their marriage to each other her need to be alone might be Interpreted or misunderstood as a rejection, a symbol of you dont need or love me. It would be beneficial for a couple to understand how each grew up and what each ofhers needs are. Marriage partners should learn to Interpret specific types of behavior, not just words, she said. "We communicate through our total behavior and we react to a mul tiplicity of clues. Our perceptions are much deeper and broader than we are aware of. We constantly send out signals in communicating our feelings. The ways we make life miserable for each other I might . . . and ourselves, add is fantastic. also Is Dr. adjunct professor of Teachers College, Columbia University, and a faculty member of the American Institute for Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis. ... Singer-Magdo- We communicate not only in words but our total behavior, says Dr. Laura Singer-JIagdof- f. f, Singer-Magdo- ... couples, Dr. noted the importance of training the couple to listen to each other and to give their spouse a chance to say whats really on his mind. She said that a new technique in teaching a couple to learn how to listen to each other is with the use of video tape equipment. "This is much like Instant replay for televised football, she said. A wife is given the chance to speak without interruption. Her husband then interprets what she said and Singer-Magdo- me. In discussing everyones need to regenerate himself occasionally, Dr. Singer- - Mag-dosaid that whether a person regenerates by being alone or with other people depends on how he grew up. Look at Childhood ff . . . from our fabulous leather ff ff "A wife might have been raised in a home where her need to be alone was respected. Her husband, on the other hand, might have been raised in a large family where the opportunity to be alone was collection. coat Genuine shearling lambskin, combining suede out side with its own virgin wool Beautifully stated with chain closures . . . Cozy inside . . . warm, rugged and naturally resilient Gold. . .140.00. White. . .110.00. 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