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Show 1 ; f A Line o' Type or Two "Fay ce que vouldras." 4 . 4 Imaginary Portraits. "P. D. s." Finger-tips raw from the thumbing of . booka Adam to Zoslmus hung on his hooks Turgid with phrases egregiously stale Grampus assuming the place . of the whale. L. K. The Battle of the Brows, raging In these quiet precincts, recalls to us those dear dead days when we were intrusted with the agreeable duty of demolishing the odious contemporary; we were regarded as rather good at corrosive personalities; our juvenile motto then was, "Fools are my theme, let satire be my song." With what glee did we excoriate the rival editor! .And with .what disappointment disappoint-ment did we read his reply; for it was always so much better than we thought he was capable of doing. Although demolished de-molished daily, he declined to stay demolished, de-molished, countering the strokes of our "polished razor keen" with mighty blows of his bludgeon. Alas! we no longer take pleasure In demolishing de-molishing opposite opinions. Frankly, we find them rather more interesting Hhan our own, familiarity with which has bred a judicious contempt. We get tired of them, as we get tired of a suit of clothes which has gone a season or two. One should get a new set of opinions every little while In order not to appear old- fashioned. And Yet He Eecovered! (From the Fergus Falls (Minn.) Free Press.) I have been on the sick list for a week or so, but coming out all right with the help of Dr. Brubec. During my sick spell I received four works I had sent for: Dr. Karl Lelbknecht's "The Earth Belongs Be-longs to the People." He was a hero. Upton Sinclair's "Profits of Religion" is a gem. Robert Blatchford's "Not Guilty." which is a masterpiece. Also "The Religion- of a Socialist" by Mary B. Kules. Every preacher should read it. I enjoyed en-joyed the study between pains and coughing. cough-ing. Very respectfully. SAM G. WALLACE. "I am curious to know," writes Irene, and we share her c 2 k, "why the kitchen sinks in the Dutch Cleanser ads are not equipped with waste pipes." Verily, It Hath That Seeming. Sir: I quote from the constitution of the state of Wisconsin: "Sec. 24. The legislature shall never authorize any lottery, or grant any divorce." di-vorce." ' Are we to believe that that illustrious commonwealth discountenances the more-or-lesS' holy bonds of matrimony? ELEAZAR, Whither are we drifting? What are we laboring men, who keep demanding Fhorter and shorter days, going tn do with our spare time after July 1? Should we not rather plug for a slxteen-hour day? Zero in Art. (From a Grand Rapids trade sheet.) A new way of eating old dishes was tried out at the recent meeting of the Vlneennes (Ind.) Rotary club with their ladles. Everyone was compelled to eat his or her dinner with only a knife, and there was much rivalry to see who could do it In the most artistic manner. Considering the quality of the booze now sold, there Is a fair chance that the country will poison itself before the 1st of July. The bar gin is especially deadly. A Cookshire Lad. IV. The sunlight on the steeple Gleams gold upon the gray. I wntch the we!l-clad people Come gathering to pray. Theirs Is a hymn and prayer God Their prayers are (ioubtless heard; But my God Is not their God, Mine looks for deed, not word. What can they know, securely Who live in Cookshire here. Of what we lads knew surely, Through mud and blood and fear? Soft organ notes come straying From candle-litten dark. But I shall do my praying Outdoors here, in the park. DOBOB. A fragrant immortelle is Miss Aroma Place of Des Moines, who se'ls cut flow-era, flow-era, plants and floral designs. . Heart-breaking Problems of Conduct. (From the British Weekly.) Mrs. James and an acquaintance she does not care for. Mary Coils, are In a tramcar, when another lady, Miss Beamish, Beam-ish, who Is quite a stranger, rises to leave the car, dropping a valuable gold brooch. At the same time M:rv Colls drops her handkerchief, which fails near the brooch. Mrs. James observes that her friend picks up both articles and puts them in her muff. What should Mrs James do? You Apprehend What He Intended. Sir: Old Jork of Rock Island, after an altercation with a local restaurant man, remarked: "You're no more futener to run a restaurant in spite of hell." On leaving the restaurant, and not irnmcdi- ately locating his overcoat, he said: "It's dam seldom where my overcoat is " W. C. M. Curious golfers who may follow the learned arguments on "what constitutes a good hole" must conclude that the purpose pur-pose of the architects is hot to make the game easy for democracy. Par figures mean nothing to the average player; they are for the few gifted beings who participate partici-pate In national tournaments. As courses are now laid out, there is a "short way to the green," calling at the outset for a carry of, say, 190 yards. The next thing will be to station a policeman at the bunker, to chase off the course a player so unlucky as not to carry the hazard. You May Begin Firing. Sir : Noting that you are in need of an official low-brow, I hasten to apply My favorite sport is pulling rough stuff like the following: "How can a guy tell a genuine German iron cross when they are all forged?" Do I get the 1ob' STONE PHIZ. The sign is still in Globe, Ariz.: "Meals 50 cerits. Good meals, $1.00. Gorge! "Quite Sol" Sir: Every time It happens I think It never can again, but it dees, in spite of the press of the entire world. What do you reply when someone says, "Hut we divided everything up ' evenly it wouldn't stay that way"? Pesperati-Iy freeportia! The Inspired Busman. Sir: Passengers on the hurricane deck of the bus were addressed by the conductor con-ductor as follows: "The buzzers are out of order, so climb down before reaching point of destiny." M. It. C. "For sale Baby and bassinet in excellent excel-lent condition." Grand Rapids Press If it's a girl we'll buy it. The Last Gulp in Appreciation. Sir: After dining one of my rural f ns-tomers. ns-tomers. wo asked him what he thought of the meal. Said ho: "Wed, when vou gut one of them there meals et you feel like you got something under your belt." How's that for appreciation?' F. E. K. |