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Show I ; r I A Line o' Tvoe or Two I , I 'Lord, what fools these mortals ? L i By B. I. T. The Purist's Priniov. Don t say "swell" it. sounds llko the mischief, . St. K- B. "Hadn't ought ' Is never taught "Novvliero near" Needs a bier. M. A. C C. "That there" Makes nie swear. Ii. H. t "Like he had" Drives mo mad. F, D Tut the taboo Ou "like 1 do." V..YU You Never Can Tell. Sir; Father and I Just met a man currying a suitcase Inscribed "J. A. M.' Dad suggested. ".Mebbo It ain't." C. F. O. "Combustion Is supposed to have been the cause of tho blaze." Kvanston News-Index. News-Index. Or tho blaze may havo started the combustion. com-bustion. YOU RKMllMBER THE C1IRI. WHO WAS LOOKING FOK A HARDER Jolt. A BROADER SCOPE. AND A CHANCE! TO GROW? WELyL t From the Mount Vernon Record.) Miss Ethel Graham la back at tho Kepler & Son office. Her former emplovers mado It a leal point of Interest In-terest for her to return. They place a high valuation on Miss Ethels ability to do the work in their office, of-fice, and her brief absence convinced them that, after all. Miss Ethel was one In their office who had a hundred hun-dred delallB of the business al hor finger tips which no otic clso was familiar with. Those who know the governor general of Java. Count Llmburg Stlrum, say that It is best not to stir him too much. Quick, Watson, the Nut-Cracker! (From the Boston Globe.) Young man. C3. orphan, on Washington Wash-ington street. November 6. 191. a- m.. black and white check emit, brown shoes, while hat. Write Mrs. C. E1I-ni-OTi, Hartford, Conn.. Hartford hospital. hos-pital. Seattle's contribution to modern Journalism Jour-nalism is the following notice In Ihe Times: I I NIGHT EXTRA t TIMES W H 1ST LE BIOHAL8. , Throe long blasts emergency olg-' olg-' nal -will Indicate the occurrence of I a sensational nsws event. Very Copathetic. (From the Delaware (Ohio) Journal-Herald.) Thlo Is one of the most thrilling scenes In the ohow In Ihe rehearsal Friday afternoon hundreds of corns got a good start to renewed activity by being trampled on by the pro-llisraie. pro-llisraie. "lo get more detailed data." ropoTt a Dubuque paper, many changes have o)ee: made In the census guestlona Jr'rlnsr. It quotes ' What's his wife's name?" "Is she mari-ted or single?" From Father (render's Melodies. Old Frugal Foliar wont t L'ncls Sam's seller. And !ought some baked beans, army style. He paid 'stern good bones to Postmaster Jones, Whose formal receipt la on file. August November! some three months, remember. gjr.ee Frug. bought at t'nrle Sam's sale. To date he's not seen a single baked bean. And Ham's froasn fast to the kale. Old Feller Is funny, for ifiien hs spends money Ho wanio what he buys with hlo wad: So slnro be was slung at the sale that eJam aprnng Hs Mi of thinks Bam s a t ear-fraud. Shads of r Rarnum! to think Ram. eon-earn eon-earn him. Should humbug friend Frugal, poor guv Tot Fruga s galore, who (ell for Sam's store. Think Just as old Follsr t.ilnka vrhj ? ARIES- "Change of Venus lo Taken." Ilacine Journal News. As usually portrayed, olio doeo not require re-quire a change. The CTypiic Feminine, sir Inasmuch as wo aro somewhat up in ths air regarding milady's whims for Ihe next season, would gou advise Hob Katigeestr. a Cleveland buyer, as an addition addi-tion to our designing department? H. A. W. "New dancing frbcks. Thoy amphaslie Individuality." St. Paul Pioneer Prose. A If there were any left to emphasise' empha-sise' "Whoa, (Mil" i From a Woodsvllle. N. II.. paper There was a gktel commotion In New. bury. Vt . one Uey last w-e.it caused by a runaway horse, wnlch came running down through our etreata with two wheels attached at-tached to the rigging. Women shrieked ami clasped their dlilldron tn their bosoms, and hens and chickens scratched f.o i ov er as the frightened animal turned turners and finally turned up in a Widow s vard, with "viiy appiuiancc of "home al last." Soon the cause of all thta commotion com-motion appeared, the owner, l-'ruok Genr- in, w ho explained that It happened IbN Wise: The tarnation old fool the referred re-ferred to the horse, not the widow) yanked him and bin. ted his auspeudeis. and while he was grabbing for hli breeches the blasted old btule tooli a mean advantage of him and run away. It was illlior let bla punts fall off, or let the horse got away, and of tin. two evils he chose the least Fruha hue now a new-, atrong pair of suspenders, and no dOUbt the old mare will never find an excuse for being in the widow's shod agtiln. A spiritualistic meeting will be held In the Academy of Miracles Ihls evening. eve-ning. In charge of 0, . Miracle of 1 o Sota. la. "By That. Bin Fell the Angels." (From tho New York TJjnoJgJ A refined Dunlah lady, who apcalia a llitlo English, wish"- a position with it refined, wealthy Atuerlcitn family; ahn III Very ambitious; Is aradunled In medical medi-cal maaangn from the boat medical school In Copenhagen, Bright Buying of the Juveniles. Sir: Wife entertained some bridge fiends ihe other evening. When tho flrn oho arrived tho son and heir rushed to Hie. door. "Come tight In," he said. "Mother Isn't quite dressed, ao go right up lo Daddy's room and tal.-o off vour things." ' M. J. A nlgn on n Japanese, store in Ouklnnd Indies: "Toys. Samples rnih sk I hem " Tried lo Crank 11 (From Hi" Memioin Reporter,) .vi ; Ed nroaeh hud the mlafoiiune of lin-ving a. hope of his right arm broken while he wao ntteinpllng lo strut II one morning last w eek . |