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Show . 1 I A Line o Tyve or Two I I I l'Lord, what fools these mortals be.'j By B, L. T. Low-Browed Rocks. Somehow we liked the old-time hush, Round Helicon and Hippocrene; Those daya the grasps seemed more lu6h, The rills more bright and clean. With the old foplcs you mav class us: We don't like billboards on Parnassus. Those days you heard the fountain gush, And saw the lizard on the rock, Above you strayed the lark and thrush, Below the browsing flock. With the old fogies you may class us: We don't like billboards ou Parnassus, Now union painters ply the brush And stencil those brown rocks with this: "Try Someone's Literary Mush" "Brain Food You Must Not Miss." The withered grasses lose their sap, Papyrus is cut down to pap. i I With the old fogies you must class us: ! A bas the billboards on Parnassus! Pan. The "Imperious Caesar" paragraph led a number of persons to consult Walter ; Hill's First Folio, the price of which is a 1 beggarly $15,000. Said one man: "If I j had fifteen thousand dollars what the j would I want with a First Folio?" I A Kitchen Radical. ' Sir: The cook that father hired at 513 , and car fare a week before they raised : the fare on htm looks black, but is a , red suspect. She says we'll never be able to buy more than a pound of sugar 1 a day until "that old Uncle Sam stops being president." C. D. K. Rock Island's postmaster is more progressive pro-gressive than the run of public servants. He is stamping letters "Nov. 1919." Tho Frenzied Reporter. . (From the Watertown Times.) Tho fifty choristers under the direction of Prof. Jones of Chicago rose tier upon tier in the extended choir loft and as the mighty waveu of music swelled and faded with the professor's baton, the bright glisten of eyes and teeth seemed to lend spirituality in purity and power. One moment the chorus faded to the lightness of. an evening zephyr and the ntit, with that fine frenzy characteristic of the colored race, there pealed forth a mass of sound like the thunderous roll of mountainous waves in a diluvian storm. Apparentlv somebody, acting on our suggestion, told the Diamond Match Co. that the war is oe.r. for the sample received re-ceived of their model uf 1911) is very snappy. No. Sir: Tnr lack of a classical education is distressingly shown by a bign in the, window win-dow of a florist; "Gladjolis (or sale." Perhaps Per-haps the editorial writer in the New York Herald who translates "In hoc signo vinc-s" as "16 this sign we conou- r" hod drained the p. h. more deeply. Hut, dropping drop-ping all this highbrow muff, I want to know if you taw the sign alongside the Ro-k Island tracks. "Belgian Hare Babbits Bab-bits for sale?" CAMPION. The ri-'M to work is more fundamental than thV right to loaf, but you never hear any gornping about that. The Observant Laundryman. Sir: One of our hiundry drivers U-Hs me that a few months aro he wasn't able to tell the laiv of the house from the maid. Now his tysietti i simple. He looks for tho one that, wears theanron. "Brazilian To Not K-ar Prohibition." Puhuiiue '!YI-u-r.it'h- Hera id. 'Many ljusim-ss Men Going to Frazil." Tl.nl. Hook your pnrsize m r'y. Have You a Relative You Would Like to Have Murdered? (From the Denver Post.) Taring neither for lite, limb nor anything. any-thing. 1 will consider any proposition you mav have, r -ariiie.;s ot what It may be; nvi t cjrn nioiicv ; do anything; CO anywhere; any-where; f Jar nothing; aiiMrrs con r: don -ti.il. I nud money. Will go the limit to ft it. f!.-s r-ari fojlur lives in Alanrda. C.-iI., and folks tn.-ro are hoping she will many one of Lie ituttons of V.. mi Hay. Tho Maltese Bacclius. Rirchus. v, ith eyes of flan-.e, Wns with r'd wine f.i!t'-rt. While no-v we to;ibt his n.wno In thorolato niaiud. Kdl on, thou deep hlu sea. Shine. ha . n vaulted ; Hut as for lit tl" me Give me niv malt'd. TIIK HlTTLi: mari.vi-:. Something Snappy, Like "Who Wouldn't?" Sir: A ladv Ixs'inu h-r SuikI,i' school t ;i h-r .'ays: "I would ralher h ar him t;i.k fiftf'-ii minutes than any proiirh'-r In town an hour." What .should I rejoin re-join to say? A. Jv. H. "Gnrgeous Fairy Page.mtrv. The Lirr:M Ch''' I'.v.t Made." Ad of tho N.i lion a I 1 'a iry Show. A regular midsummer nicht's dream. Mother Mtiat Ha-vo Been Cunning. Mteretvfd by a frhool teacher) "Irar T'-i' hor: Kohert could not come to K' hool tliion two and a Imlt d.t.y'f. He had a Mi; boiler on his foot." The Woman lUKhor Up. "Takn It from nv K hi, there ain't no h'.ul ma n. 1 1 's ladles th.it runs this store." I T. J. Ij. Humm ruiiH a .ilonn In Kutd.i, Ind. "I'll nay ho in now," voluntc-rs II. W. S. Room? Wo'll Build Another Wing to Lot Him In. Sir: Surely you ran find piano omonR tho Irnmoi-talB for Hnmanu Nut I , sport-liiK sport-liiK editor of tho Waterloo Courier. 11. K. W. Scrarublcd- Flr: Ppe.-iUInc of metaphnrM, tho S. C. Cl'ithhiK l'. of our fair cily (I'Iiiko) n-Iiouin'rn; n-Iiouin'rn; "U n and bark up nnr merrhandlfie heeau.se we wniil to build tin our huwInesK on the solid rork of ovi-r-flowiriK saluifaetion of our cust om-'iH. " Slun In I'hlkid'dphlu : "Wfe have razor hladft lunlde." M'-rev! It invrr occurred to IIH lo (jet rid of lliem that way. Our Intercut in It Wanna Prom Yoax to Year. Sir: You may le lntore.:tod in know-In know-In that. In San l''r:inclHco the l'lto bulld-Inir bulld-Inir la located at No. 1 lUimun nlrcet. i. R. Il. For II. lu C.'s. Sir: Storo jiflviu t Ihcr "ei'ihdtrty de-,'di;ned de-,'di;ned women's luce ho.'ilery." Anain no chance for pla In women. V. S. E:ipodally If It's nn Unlrco. Sir: hnl l In a niHueV t'nr inslntiee. (iUe Urn t'nlra t'afcletia. How el,".- It' no) "on (ray"; IIAKUIKT. Nuir Sod. ;ir" A uie!0'iu,;o from n. j'eclion fore, nu'.n to thf pniliii. udcr r-mK: "No. r. did not wlihille. I'lcifie hcihI iuo another h.ind ci.i-.- ' rirnt Naino UnrlV (l'-r-.irii H.unliiliih K.'kIiI'T.) Mr. mill Mm. K I1'.. I'lMirn mill Hiinr.liliT llrl'll .lull'- uf S'H.tll IKiV.oii fiprnl Sllll-,j Sllll-,j ;, V Willi Mr. "'Ill AlrM. lli-nry lli'liinili. |