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Show NW i i i mail II a aw r mi in I, ,, I .p5 (fefelfBurgesJ i?d H Irwp i; filett Burpess nnd Will Irwin, fbt, ISM, by McClure-PhIllip9 Co.) ILAD In tho sweater yawned and lUioM up at the clock which hung t tbe whltcwe iiil wall between Hthosraph of Admlr.il Dewey and taring tho legend. "Doughnuts Tee, 5 cents." c we proceed." he said, Impatient-ere' Impatient-ere' 1 1 be nobody else here tonight; lUw-bums havo lined up at the for frte bread. I s.iy, old man, I the trigger and we're off! I've Kf days' handicap on my appetite Hi -. A tt- -, jSl '. irs," Hk man With M" s w t i : at. op- B!J. "1 Bn s: , Hf rounding up the grub myself. I'll Hferr (ho B ('' ngy little res- - Kr.i-re In I). n In i ii a r in .1 east ' ' ' H- m bis W birth, hinted at by iH Lti.iDihop fJV it Jul' don't want ,1 J ; J 'r Bj-r I 'I vi-r n .V -1 I I ii ' I f;- Li akv, H Off 1., arm r ' pa!m.. l ,jn h,,. wln,i..w m whit" er tho wor BL' . ...mi- r P,7 " . .1 i'....r to Hi" ,V (hat light- ,: , ni'.n "bit last pj.tr.. ns X' LaK ' Er ,n -i "-I i owcr:- is Hi')'0-" Interesting but mvstetious E- , L' X'Pe!" and he glanced ut his Xv at k , omln' 'C W - :,l tr I II V e LV" cop that tin ro num, ro? It's Kviy October todyc an' they'll ter.'ht Thy UJ,U3 ls' th L,!Wou rope him and we'll brand ,:Cl1 tho other at thus tabl tllnv 2 yepj-a. with a tvplcallv K' Ojnti rn.iiCO, high Cta Ic Y1 aquiline nose. HI oven v. i 2! h.roaKd.wlu come prctty Rt"1 omcihluk a-iV.'r, before 0. fttP.,', ''"' ''it this ' BinrtP ytt lf Uioy Coffco h made tho, remark when i?rtr K'ut" ending Its Benton' -o LaVtattiv "'-'amntlon points, and aafcrni f door burt'' I" " ' ' ei'ri roJ-r'10 Jh" r" ",l 413 thouvh h KtWaV from hell Kkt r.lt'ln' V'KU" r'"". tr K Hit ,fn l,Kf,-'";r. l.nr.a-. v. 1:1, t. r- kiv, quivering. A ' fl0U' ly I'r.d. r KIJ. b' hflt hU Mrlngy l,urk or f";;4 a,1 th v.. i' ... , ....... , l!:."11 John Inquired toll." 4ollar bill, fur I i Bli":' .'.ht all." he said, tsmitir ta "uM' ru "''"' " 0f cr.fr,.;"1 ,?'"r ftow , y,r,1! That's good! I'm 11 Uh .1 c;TU. , BOOK AOCNT XN. syOOWU STAIRS 50 s QUICXLY that he. y NLVLR CArlil SACK ' Ing with hie sleeve. "If I should narrato to you the exprrlenco which has just transplredi gent, vou wouldn't believe It " "Sec here!" cried the lad In the sweater, not too unkindly, "suppose you tell us about It some other time' We've been u. tiling for you many madsonie moons, and tbe tim Is ripe for tho harvest. If ) u mi- as hungry as we aro and want to be among those present at this function, func-tion, sit down and you'll get whatever Is coming to you. You can ascend the rostrum ros-trum afterward. We weto Just looking for ono more, and you're It." The vagabond looked Inquiringly at Cof-fo Cof-fo John, who. In response, pointed to a chair "Why, ccrt'nly.' the newcomer said, removing his hat. "I must confess 1 ain't vet engaged at dinner this evening, nnd If you gents are so obliged as to" "Ropo It!' roared the man In spectacles, out of all patience. Tho voluble strange, seuti-d himself hurriedly. Coffee John drew two tables togethe r. "Jest excuse me for half a mo', gent, w'llo I unfurl this 'ero rag," ho said, spreading the cloth. Tho three strangers looked on In surprise, sur-prise, for tho Cockney's tone had cha-nged. Ho wore an expectant smllo as he seated himself in the fourth placo and rapped loudly on the table, distributing, as ho did so, a damask napkin to each of his guests. . "Glorlana peacock!" cried the man In spi'i i li -. "I'm sorrv I forgot to w ar my dress suit. I had no idea you put on so mueh dog for eoffM and sinkers." ''Get wise, old chap," the man in tho sweater said, warning I y. "1 havo a hunch that this Is to be no mere charity poke-out poke-out This is tho true chloroform were up against a genuine squaro this trlp, or I'm a Pntagonlan. How about that, Coffee Cof-fee John''" . . .J. . Tho host tuckM his napkin Into his neck and replied, benignly. "Oh, I dunno. we II do wot wo kin, an them as aln t flattened , in ..r.l. r tin lr k n Id;"- " s bo oik two I'lil.nnien emergen from the back room nnd filed up the dusty rows of tables, bearing loaded trays S'.vinl' a ml m Ills lliej .pp a I the bo fd with cut glass, china and sllv.iwar.'. aligning a dolectuble array of bottles In front of the proprietor. In a trice the ta-blo ta-blo began to twinkle with the appointments appoint-ments of a veritable banquet, complete, even to n hugo centerpiece of California violets. Tho man In the red sweater loosened hie belt three holes under the table the black-eyed man pulled a pair r.f t rave-1 eufrx from his sb-.-ves and tlej other wlp'd his gb-tsses and smiled for the nrst ime. Wlu-n all was ready Coffee John arose and, tilling the glanbcs, cried JU''l;.'i','1'' I glv ver the go.nl 'elth of Solomon Sol-omon Bauer. Equ!re. an' the thirteenth of October an' drink 'early' The toast was drunk with wonder, for the men wero visibly Impressed but at ,,, , lrv of oyst.-rs . ifh began to eat a If he Were afraid it wero all a dream and he might awake before It was over The lad with tbe merry eye alone showed any restraint: bis manners were those of a Sui. The one with Oie Ptaclea drnnk like a thirsty h-ree and ho thin. black-haired Individual watched the Hitch-en Hitch-en door to see what was coming next VOU lowing the oyetare came soup, savory with ' h')' i'.tage au fromago. la Caf KarUlL or I've never been in New Yorkl cried the youngster. f . "Correck. I perceive rer by wye of be-In' be-In' an nplcoor." Coffee John remarked, highly pleased at the appreciation. I didn't think they could do it la ban Francisco." the youth went on. Tho Cockney turned his pop-eyes at Oio uA and, with tb bbiotry of a proMlyta, broached bis favorlto topic, "Young man, we kin do anythink they kin do in New York, not to speaJc of a Hick or two blokes go to Parle to wo done; tin' occy-slonally occy-slonally we kin go 'em one better. Yer don't know this tarn yet. It's a bloomln' prizo puzzle, that s wot it is; they s a bit o" every think 'ere!" The llsh followed, barracuda as none but Tortonl can broil: then terrapin, teal, venison and so on, with Western prodigality, prodigal-ity, to tho dessert Tho guests, having met and subdued tho vanguard of hunger, did hilarious baltlo with the dinner, stabbing stab-bing and slashing gallantly. No ono dared to put his good fortune to tho hazard haz-ard of the Inquiry, though each was cu-rloue, cu-rloue, until at last the lad In tho sweater couhl resist wonder no longer. The demands de-mands of nature satisfied, his mind then sought for diversion. Ho laid his fork down and pushed back his plato. "it's too good to be true," ho said. "I want to know what we're in for, anyway. What's your llttlo gamo? it may bo bad manners to be inquisitive, but I've slept In a wagon, washed In a horse trough and combed my hair with tenpenny nails for so long that I'm not responsible. The time lias come, the walrus said, to speak of many thing' and 1 balk light hero until 1 know what's up your sleeve. No bub gets a Delmonlco dinner at a coffco loint on tho Barbary Coast for nothing, I don't think, and by John Harvard, I want to be put next to whether this is charity, insanity in-sanity or a bet or aro vou trying to lix us for something shady?" hat'd you want to stampede the show for?" Interrupted tho man In spectacles. We haven't bet n asked to pay in ad- vance, have we'.' We've signed no contract! con-tract! You were keen to begin as a heifer ls for salt, and when we draw a prize you want to look a gift horse in tho Jaw! Gut onto yourself!" "Gents," tho unctuous voice of the third man broko in, "thoy'so champagne a-comln' a-comln' " Coffee John had been looking from one to the other In some amusement. "Easy, genus," he remarked. "1 ain't offended at this 'ere youngster's exptesslngs. though 1 don't sye as wot I mightn't be, lf 'e Wa n't a gentleman, as I can se by tho wye 'e 'andlcs 'la knife, an' the suspicious fraek of 'Is neck boln' clean, it he do wear a Jarscy. Nar, ail I gort to eye Is, thet this 'ore feast ls on the squyro an' no questions arsked. As 6oon as wo gits to the coffee, I'll explyiie." "I accept our apology." the lad cried, gaily, as ho rose bubbling with Impudence. "Gentlemen adventurers, knights of the empty pocket book, comrades of tho order of tho flying brakobcam and what not, I drink your very good health. Hero's to the jade whoso gamo we played, not once afraid of losing, ah! It ls passing many wintry days since I fed on funiiy water riml burned colorno In my petit nolr. but thero was a time! My name, brothers of the pave, ls James WlBWSll Coffin 3d. Klght Mavllower ancestors, double-barreled in and In stock, Puritans of Plymouth Ply-mouth Wrestling Coffin landed at Salem in the Blessing of tho Bay. 1C30 and" 'Whoa, there!" tho man In spectacles cried, "vou ain't so nll-llred numerous. I left a happv mountain homo myself, but the biographical contest don't c-omo till the show Is over In the big tent." "Ccrt'ly not, after you vetoed at my remarks." re-marks." said tht. third. "Lets testify after tho dishes Is emptier and wo begin l, i f-i I tiKT.- Ilh-n a rcpl"i Ion "' A box of Carolina nerfectos was then brought In. with a coffee urn, cognac and llqueors nnd the tbreo men. now calm, gonial and satlslled. gave -themselves up to the comforts of tobacco. Even tho youngest allowed hlmsolf to draw up a chair for bis feet and sighed In content. Coffeo John finished the last drop In his glfuja, drew out bis brier pip and lighted ! I It. Then, producing a folded paper from his pocket he raised his finger for silence I and I I "If yer wants to know the w'y and the l w'crfore of this ere reparst, gents. I am nar ressly to give er satisfaction o sorts. It ain't me yer obllgyted to at all, It's a pyper Johnnie named Sol Bauer Who s put Up tor it. him as arsUed yer fur to drink 'elth to. Its a proper queer stmy Viw . rame to myke ami bryke In this 'ere verj shop o' mini an' if yer stogies sto-gies la all drawin easy, I II read the Jyle as "e wrote It art for me. sklppln' the In-terductlon, In-terductlon, w'bii Is personal, 'e beln' of the belief that It wos mo wot brought 'im luck. ''So 'ere goes, from w'cro e come darn to this plyce of a Hoctober night live years ago ' And so saying, he opened the pap.-r Tlii narrative, depleted of Coffee John s dialect, was as follows The Story of the Great Bauer Syndicate. Ten years I hail been a newspaper man, and had tilled almost every position from club reporter to managing editor, when, Just a year ago. 1 found myself outside offee JuIiu'm restaurant, friendless, h in-gry in-gry and without a cent to my name Although Al-though I had a reputation for knowing Journalism from A to 55, 1 had b-en discharged dis-charged fr.itn every paper In the rity. Tho reason was good enough; I had been habitually ha-bitually Intemperate anil therefore unreliable. unre-liable. I did not drink, as many Journalists Journal-ists do, to stimulate my forces, but for lovo of the game. It was physically Impossible Im-possible for me to remain sober for more than two weeks at a time. 1 had that lav been discharged from the Tribune for cause. -i I celebrated tho bad luck In my characteristic charac-teristic manner, and finished with Just senso enough to wish to clear my head with black coffee. So, trusting to my slight acquaintance with Coffee John, and more to his well-known generosity, I entered en-tered his place, and for tho first time In my life requested what I could not pay for. 1 was not disappointed. A cup of coffeo and a plato of doughnuts were handed to me without comment or advice ad-vice As I was taking my meal in the back part of the little restaurant, three men, one after tho other, came and sat down at my table In the general conversation that ensued I found out that one wits u tramp printer, whoso boast It was to have worked and Jumped his board bill in nearly near-ly every State In the Union; ono was a book agent, who had been attempting to dispose of "The Life of (J. S. Grant," and th" third was an Insurance solicitor, who had falh d to make good the trade's reputation repu-tation for acumen. A little talk developed the fart that all four of us were without funds, and ready for anything that promised to keep tho wolf from the door. Then, with the Journalist Jour-nalist s Instinct for putting three and one together, an Idea camo to mo by which wo could all find a way out of tho dilemma. dilem-ma. For it so happened that one of the Herald's Her-ald's periodical upheavals had occurred that very day, and a general ckan-up was being effected In the office. The city editor, edi-tor, after a stormy Interview with his chief, had reclgncd, and had carried with him four of tho best men on the staff Other reporters who had taken bis pari had alsr been let go. and the city room of tho Herald was badly In need of assistance. assist-ance. It was very likely that any man Who could put up any kind of a pretense to knowing the ropej would stand a fair Chance of obtaining a situation without any trouble. My plan was this: Each of tho three ne n was to apply for a situation as reporter re-porter on tho Herald and. if accepted, was to report the next day for his assign -nunt. and then come immediately to me for Instructions I was to give them all tho necessary Information as to obtaining the. material and. when they bad brought me the facts, write out tho storv. forUum. ' "To hunrt in The three men agreed enthusiastically to tho venture, and 1 spent the evening In Coaching them in tho shop talk and professional pro-fessional terms they would ned You cannot teach a man what "news" Is In one sitting a man has to have a nose trained ot smell It, and a special gift for determining deter-mining its value; but I described the technical tech-nical meaning of a "story" and "covering" "cover-ing" a detail. I told them to keep their eyes open, and gave many examples of h'ow It often happened that a reporter, wlon sent out on a llttlo "slnglo-hcad' storv. would If he were sharp, get a hint that could be worked up Into a front page "seven-column scaro head." Tin-re is, of course, no royal road to journalism, but thero are short cuts that can be learned. I gavo them points on the Idiosyncrasies of the new man at tbe city desk, for I knew him well, and I provided pro-vided each of them with a yarn about his supposed previous place. One, I believe, was to have worked on tho St. Louis Globe-Herald under George Comhtock; one had dono special work on the Minneapolis Minne-apolis Argus, and so on; for I knew a lot about all the papers In the East, and I fixed my men so they couldn't easily bo tripped up on their autobiographies. They went down to the Herald ofTieo that night, and after I had waited an hour or so, I had the satisfaction of hearing hear-ing that all three of my pupils had been aeeepted It was agreed that each of th. ni w n to gU me half his salary, and so I had a fair show of earning a man and a half's wages as president of the Great Bauer Syndicate. At 1 o'cloek tho next afternoon I sat down In Coffee John's and waited for my subordinates t.. report. As each man came In I gave him minute descriptions as to the best possible way of obtaining his Information. Thero was not a trick in the trade I didn't know, and I hod never been beaten bv any paper In the town I had : i,, , , , ,1. (1 In obtaining Int. rvlen at 2 In tho morning troin persons avowedly hostile hos-tile to mv sheet; 1 had got photographs nobody else could get and I hod mado railroad officials talk after an accident. Without conceit, I may claim to bo a practical psychologist, and where most men know only one way of getting what thev want, I know four My men had llttlo llt-tlo "excuse for falling to obtain their stories, sto-ries, and thev walked out of Coffeo John's like automata that I had wound up for the o hours. toy rct'irned between 4 and G o'cloek and gavo mo the Information they had secured, se-cured, and, while they reported to the city editor, received Instructions as to writing tho Ftory and got their evening's . ; ment, 1 wrote the articles al rall- road speed I could tell as well as any T1IRKI0 MIBACLES AT COFFK JollVS Bi NDT TilIB oslhnlo -fjafptldt-vrl. ii.v editor how much space tho stories we're worth and wrote the headlines ac-cordlnglv ac-cordlnglv for In the Herald office every renorter waa bis own head-line writer. If by any chance tho editor's Judgment u . 1 1 not the rame as mine, It took but a few minutes to cut the thing down or pad It to any length and my men took tho copy back before tln v went out on tho next 'detail Meanwhile, I had given them tb.ir new directions, and, when they turned up. toward 10 and 11 at night. I had the whole batch of writing to do again It was a terrific pace for any one man to keep up, and I doubt If any one else In San Francisco could I BVe kept threu busy and turned OUt fiTSt-ClOSS work. This went on for fifteen days, during which tlmo I made Coffee John's Joint mv headquarters. That was the only place whor.t l i-i.ni Id hope to keep sober waking wak-ing at such high pressure, for I didn't dare truel myself In a saloon and I could not nfford to hire an office Tho amount ,,r ,1 o k coffee I consumed made me yellow yel-low for a v. ar Whether Coffee John wondered what I was up to or not I never knew: at any rate, he asked no questions and made no objections Tho Great Bauer Syndicate went merrl- nd the nv mbers, with the exception of tho president, earned their salaries eail enough If th" J' d w a rspe. bills difficult or delicate. I wont out and got the story myself. At tho end of the first wet k we drew our pay and divided It according ac-cording to tho agreement, but thero were 1 Hi Ltlona that my men thought they v,.r.i getting clever enough to handle th" work alone, lf It hadn't been that whllo I was walling for them to come In I managed man-aged to write several columns of "space," failed and oth.-rwlst that they could turn In and get paid for without any work at all, I would have had troublo In holding them down to their contracts. Exoopt for this, the prospects were brtgns. for the prt ttlest llttlo news system that ever fooled a city editor. Wo m;ulo a record bT two weeks and ih-n came the crash. I had been as sober as a parson for fif-teen fif-teen long weary days, beating my record b I w.-nty-foiir hoars. I had drenched myself vith black coffee, and turned out Copy like a linotype machine keyed up to a tension so tight that something had to glvo way, One Monday night, after tho last hutch of copy had been turned in and 1 had drawn down my second week's pay, I relapsed into barbarism and cast care to tit r winds for the nonce. I started down the line, headed for Pete Dunn's saloon, at 1 a. m . with EJu In my pocket, and found myself on Wednesday morning at tho Cliff House What had happened to me In the Interim 1 never cared to Investigate Kut the Great Bauer Syndicate was out of business It seems my three subordinates showed up as usual on Tuesday afternoon and, after waiting for me a while, they at-tompted at-tompted to cover their assignments without with-out my help The Insurance solicitor got all twisted up, and never camo back; tho printer threw up his Job when ho failed to find mo on his return. But the book jgent had grown a bit conceited by this time and he thought he was as good as anybody In the business. So he sat down and wrote out his story, and by what they say about It, It must havo been something rich enough to frame. When ho turned the stuff In, the city editor gave a look at it, put about three swift qufstlons to him and tho cat was out of the bag It look no time at all to SWe&t the story out of him, and they sent that look agent down stairs 60 quickly that ho never came back. The whole offlco went roaring over tho way I'd done the papor and the first thing 1 knew I was sent for. and tho managing editor told me that If I'd take the Kceloy cure for four months he'd glvo mo the Sunday editor's place and forget tho episode. epi-sode. The time I put In at Los Gatos taking chloride of gold was tho dSJrknsSB that preceded my financial dawn. Wiion 1 graduated I hated the smell of whisky so much that I couldn't eat an ordinary baker's mlnco pie. Six months after that I was sent for by tho New York Gazette, where I am now drawing a Bulary that makes my life In San Francisco seem Insipid Coffee John folded tho document carefully care-fully and restored It to his pocket with considerable consideration. "Thet's tho wye 'e wrote It darn for me, an i'vo read It every year since. Yer see, gents, Sol Bauer 'avln gort the Idea I was, In a wye. the means of his restorashtng to respecka-blllty. respecka-blllty. an' by wye of mcmorlslnk them three bums, 'as mydo a practice o' send-In' send-In' me a cheque an a small gift every year, with instrueshlngs to celbryto the 'appv event by glvln' the 1 .-it dinner money can buy to tho fust threo blokes as turns up here after 8 -3" on the 13t'n dye of October, an' I sve It's 'andsome of Mm. Nar, I propose thet we all drink 'Is very good 'ealth again, after w'lch them as Is agreeable will tell 'Is own story for tho mutual pleasure of the assembled company" com-pany" ere present" The three men agreed and filled their glasses to the grateful memory of Solomon Solo-mon Bauer of the Great Bauer Syndicate. |
