| Show The Hotel l I Clerk lerk i ion on Sly Finance Fi ance 11 BY IRVIN S COBB COBS I Copyright 1007 1907 by H H II McClure Co r i Therell soon be another baritone inthe In Inthe Inthe the of the federal penitentiary peni penitentiary penitentiary said the Hotel Clerk The paper says bringing back the latest bank defaulter to stand trial They him down In Mexico they asked the House Detec Detective Detective Detective tive of the Hotel St Reckless with a touch of professional Interest Yes and I guess g It a job re requiring requirIng requiring quiring the exercise exorcise of pf more brains than you could carry in a large tin bucket said the Hotel Clerk Its very hard for a party been ad addicted addicted addicted to side whiskers and the tho lawn tie habit for forty odd years to disguise himself In such a way as to deceive the casual eye He may put on a slouch hat bat and the same kind of leather leg leggings leggings leggings gings that the villain wears at the be beginning b beginning ginning of the second act but If you peel off the outer shucks find hes still faithful to his health heaU under underwear underwear underwear wear and his felt Insoles Hes proper meat for the first correspondence school detective that comes along wearing a broughton mustache and a aGerman aGerman German Gennan silver badge of office the size of a bock beer sign sl and carrying one of ot those pistols that will put a bullet hole almost through a charlotte russe This last one ono had nearly all the swag to what I seen about It said said sald the House Detective Sure thing said the Hotel Clerk They all do Its according to the precedents There are just two kinds of money In the world Larry money you get honestly and money you get dishonestly and one kind Is very hard bard to get and the other kind Is very hard to keep By judicious and praise praiseworthy praiseworthy praiseworthy worthy violations of the penal code and the state banking law a trust company accumulates a large and gratifying surplus The cashier quietly creates a u perceptible hiatus In the funds He then passes It along to the boss copper of a downtown bucket shop who In turn confers it on a struggling and de dependent dependent dependent pendent bookmaker that got anything except a a few race tracks to support him who in turn hands it over overto overto overto to a party that deals faro who in turn gases It to of a wire tapping syndicate who parts with it to a gentleman Interested In hi the tho great indoor sport called poker who presents It n under duress to a rough person with a gas pipe who pays it over to a criminal lawyer who uses ses It for the purpose of ot corrupting a juror who puts it back into the tho trust com company pany and loses it H Swiped coin is the t e only circulating medium that really circulates Larry arry The one they just found down In Ir Mexico had bad been having a lovely time ever since he f ki He was established In a semidetached or cave living on the regular food of oC the na natives natives natives tives which consists of ot red pepper with Ith a little black pepper stirred Into it Every time he heard a passing footstep his vital organs moved up ui Into his throat where he could taste them and every time any anyone one sneezed In his vicinity he until he looked like a half portion of honey honeycomb honeycomb comb tripe He was having a perfect perfectly ly lovely time by all accounts H He have had a better time if he had been sitting on a stove When the PInkertons finally ar arrived arrived rived he ran to meet them with loud cries of joy It would seem that he had been under some suspense The first really restful moment he be had was was when they adorned him with that style of which prevents a man manfrom manfrom manfrom from putting his hands Into his own pockets or anybody But they the only found the sum of on him Hed transferred the remaining 94 91 that he swiped upon a number of gentlemen Interested him in a system for tying Wall street Into a true lovers knot Its truly astonishing how many of those fatal blows Wallstreet Wallstreet Wall Wallstreet street has endured I spose he was a Sunday school schoolteacher teacher of course said sald the House Detective De Detective Detective Yep he ran true to form In nearly every particular said the Hotel Clerk Tradition tells us that when he was a small boy he ho had bad pale young eyes ees and those large outstanding pearl ears with opalescent shades playing in them when he stood in the sunlight He always minded every word his dear teacher said to him and there is no record extant that he ever mussed up his white collar or failed tailed to 10 havo have his recitation perfect of a Fri Friday Friday Friday day afternoon A little later on he rated in mental arithmetic and zero In town halL ball As a youth he ever shunned the alluring of his native village because b ause wine la is Isa a mock mocker er and strong drink is la raging and It costs less anyhow when taken out of ot ofa ota ofa a bottle behind a closet door All the mothers in town pointed him out to their daughters as a type of ot what a ayoung ayoung ayoung young man m man should be and all the daughters promptly went and took up with the tho colty boys who held down the ends in the amateur minstrels and be belonged belonged belonged longed to the poker club that met up upstairs upstairs upstairs stairs over OVAr the livery stable every Sat Saturday Saturday Saturday night You take a lad Larry reached the age when he has a faint trace of camels hair paint brush on his hla upper lip Up and walks like a pair of buttonhole scissors on approaching the presence presence of ot the opposite sex take such a lad say and let the report spread that he leads an absolutely blameless life lite and find that lad bringing his own sister to the play parties and going sleigh riding with his aunt Runt But to resume Our hero having lived up to all the precedents was ex ox exactly exactly fitted by training and environ environment environment environment ment to get a job In the bank when he left the high school About the same samo time he ho began to take an active interest inter interest est e t In Sunday school work an interest t which never languished until that bright morning last spring when he quietly and unostentatiously caught No 4 going west at a m leaving behind him a large palpitating vacancy vacancy vacancy cy in the available assets But you dont want to be bo putting the black bean on the Sunday schools Just for that Larry It the Sun Sunday Sunday Sunday day schools fault You know how It is in our own dear Wall Vall street Every now and then a piercing shriek of poignant anguish is emitted omitted from that bosky dell where grows the dark green to yellow fruit ago A void has hns been discovered inthe In Inthe Inthe the cash In hand band Its the cruellest shock that can possibly befall a a bank with eleven millions in assets tor to learn that one of ot its has bas cut a i 1 gash to the extent of about nine hun hundred hundred hundred dred and seven dollars in the funds A death in the presidents family Is nothing to It So when the directors meet to holl holi the Lodge of Sorrow they nearly al always always always ways make the astounding discovery that the ilie trusted clerk who is responsible responsible responsible sible for the deficiencies was a faith faithful faithful faithful ful member of Sunday school r rI rT r f fI I T blame it von ton the Sunday school which blame it on the school which is very wrong The trouble is that they the will Insist on hiring youths who been acclimated to Broadways fitful fevers The temptations of a great city or ora a small one either are not especially dangerous unless yU take em in a lump Wild oats are easiest digested when served as break breakfast breakfast breakfast fast food in the morn of ot life Its later on that they get dangerous Usually It begins like this Domes Domesticated Domesticated Donald the third assistant paying teller starts for uptown some evening to take part In a debate at atthe atthe atthe the Harlem club on tho the issue is issue Issue sue that intemperance has caused cawed more suffering than war As he crosses our Main street he Is aston astonished astonIshed astonished to note that many man of our bright lights are still burning with an utter disregard of cost although It Is near nearly nearly ly Iy Curiosity prompts him to stop off and Investigate The next time the club dub convenes a familiar form fonn Is missing from the front pew Theres a gap gapin gapIn gapin in the circle where Donald sits Dear me Can he be ailing Not so as to tobe tobe tobe be apparent to the eye At that mo moment moment moment ment Donald better known as the tho New Boy Is seated at gazing Into the soulful violet eyes of a winsome little keepsake from the chorus with witha witha a barber pole complexion and hair the th he color of the tle yolk of a fo egg and he Is buying for her a few of those edible knickknacks that cost a throw About the same time he finds a large working capital Is needed Dain Dainty Dainty Dainty ty Blanche St Claire the pet petr Is hungry The boy financier knows the tho bank care anything about money because It is willing to pay him as much as nine dollars a week with a promise of a raise to ten after tho the third thirst year So he draws a few clandestine dividends without mentioning tho matter to any anyone one Some fine firm afternoon lie he starts up Broadway on a car and gets off of in Ca Canada Canada Canada nada And then Larry Lam they spring that Sunday school discovery just as they sprung it on the tho old guy no now en route back from the tho sub subtropics subtropics subtropics tropics I wonder what do with him said the House Hou o Detective The Jury will wUl probably spend seven seyen minutes convicting him and seven months petitioning the president to pardon him said the tho Hotel Clerk the usual way of it |
