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Show 1KL1GS. New York Society men now wear "wevulvcrs." General Butler was intended by his parciua tor a cler'yuian. Kncland is atllictcd with a "Prince of Wales Recovery Polka." The average ao of American clergymen cler-gymen wiio died last year was a fraction frac-tion over Hixly-ouc years. An Illino.saa drank a bottle of drops prescribed lur earache, lie has Devtr suffered from earache since. The Knglifh attorney-general's opening open-ing speerh to the jury in the Tielibornc cae occupied about one hundred hours. Life is a contradiction! We send to our butcher for a sweet-bread, aud il we want a sweet-meat we send to our baker! A panorama of the "Chicago Gre" is criticised by a Southern paper as bearing a strong reseniblauco to a secoud-liaud bed-quilt. A woman in Council Bluffs put a coat of tar and leathers on a young man who persisted in paying attentions to her daughter. An Illinois minister rcprovc-d n party of boys who were playing cards I in church by Borne timely remarks regarding re-garding the last trump. An undertaker's office in Indianapolis Indianap-olis recently bore this cheerful inscription inscrip-tion on the front door : "Con.' lora dead man back soon." A blushing bride in Missouri handed her marriage ccrtiticate to the conduc tor instead of her ticket, and was bor-rLuGd bor-rLuGd to hear the announcement that it wasnt't good. Dobson says his friends seem determined deter-mined to give him the title of Dr. U is I butcher, baker and all the rest do so, but they put the Dr. iti r his name instead of before it. A Missouri gentleman who owned too many of his neigli j iL' s hors:s was hung while on bis way1; i v;te, "which," remarks a contcmpora: " is calculated to deaden one s interest in .town politics." poli-tics." A Massachusetts State constable who recently entered a store to make a seizuro, because of information that something had just been tapped (here, was intensely disgusted to lind it was only a pair of boots. A disorderly person in ltochcster claimed exemption irom arrest the other night on tho ground that he was "the driver of tho emall-pox express." His claim was promptly allowed by the officer. Tho first woman voter in Wyoming is said to have been a lady of seventy, who voted on her way home irom the grocery, going to the polls with a pitcher of molasses in ono hand and the ballot in tho other. Old-fashioned Christians in Indianapolis Indian-apolis assert that the converts of the great revivalist, E. Payson Hammond, havo almost invariably relapsed, and that moat of them aro now in a worse condition, spiritually, than they were before conversion. The usual thing. Conversation in a Wisconsin store: Polite Clerk Can I show you anything any-thing else to-day? Lugubrious Oust er No, I reckon not. I lost two horses and my wife last fall, aud I feel putty poor. Good span of horses, too. John G. Saxo is responsible for the following paraphrase from Martial : M Your nose and your eyes your father gnvo you, you Bay, Your nioutli your grandsiro, and your mother mock Your line expression, tell mo now 1 pray, "Where in the name of heaven, you got your chock ? |