Show I m Those patriotic Republicans who were so anxious to vote a bounty for canigre root had their eyes opened when they perused the report of the viceconsulgen eral regarding the raising and property value of that article S I I would seem that the country needed protection after protection from such people as J Ellen Foster S a I J Ellen Fester seems to have gathered the idea that prohibition clause in the I constitution of the state of Utah would be the proper thing J Ellen is a Renubli can Hypocrisy and Republicanism always al-ways did go together I Of all the flabbergasted Idiots that ever I penned a line for a newspaper the fellow Ion the Halley NewsMiner is the worst I Here is his latest A band of 250 horses was driven through town last evening and you could take your pick of an animal for 10 Oh no theres nothing the matter with this country jsTo wonder people are deserting the Wall Street parties desertng In October 1893 I was offered my pick out of a band of 1000 horses near Baker City Oregon for 55 apiece But neither of the old Parties had anything neiher I with the prices I the NewsMiner had as much Sense as one of those 10 horses he talks about he would long ago have tumbled to the fact that the electric street car systems Introduced in the west made transit so cheap that men of ordinary ordi-nary means chose that method of conveyance con-veyance in preference to keeping a horse Then again the bicycle has given another an-other blackeye to mans best friend The Populist party would seem to be hard up for campaign material when its papers use such sly trash for argument Young Jasper from an inland town Went to Old Oceans shore To see the rolling waves come in And hear the breakers roar He only meant to stay a day But I state it with regret I He saw the bathers in the surf And hes r right there yet Ex i a a j I iI I Huntington of the Southern Pacific denies de-nies that that road proposes to relentlessly relent-lessly pursue all its late employees and says that while the company reserves the right to refuse employment to any of the strikers It is the business of the company to wish the men well In their efforts to obtain work elsewhere The storm of righteous indignation over the recent Interview was so great that even the Octopus seemed to be afraid of the results a a a A private letter received by the junior proprietor of the NewsMiner from South Dakota says This state will soon be In the hands of a receiver Business is dead Our only hope lies In the free coinage of silver and as the Populists stand for that they are bound to get there this fall sure NewsMiner To a man up a tree it would seem that the genius who penned the above has made Populist success and bankruptcy fall due on the same date There Is nothing pattlcularly startling 1 take it in the story recently telegraphed that whisky caused an exciting day in the stock exchange a S S A Boston girl recently obtained a situation uation on a western paper Her first work was to chronicle the fact that a boy ha been butted by a blllyKoat and this is the way she did It He butted the previous end of his anatomy against the boys afterwards with an earnest and velocity which backed by the pon derosity of the goats avoirdupois imparted Im-parted a momentum that was not relaxed until he landed on terra firma beyond the pale of the goats jurisdiction j a a J Ellen Foster Is a smooth Ephe Whenever her hearers have been Republicans Repub-licans or Democrats she has eternally roasted the Populists In Halley however how-ever which Is now suffering from a slight attack of Populism she had but little to say save to advocate the government gov-ernment ownership of railroads The editor of the Klamath Star Is a philosopher Recently his uninsured house burned down entailing a loss of J900 but instead of mourning over the misfortune he Is fervently thankful that there can be no suspicion of his burning the building for the sake of the Insur ance a a a They sat within the big armchair And gently he looked down Into her trustful face and said That is a lovely gown I am so glad you like it dear Replied the little maid I Is a simple dress and yet With my own hand twas made And do you always make your gowns He said with voice that grew Quite anxious In its tender tone And she replied I do Why just think dear how much I save For Instance take this gown By making I myself I paid But fifty dollars down Then George went out into the air And sought a vacant spot And when he kicked himself he said What might have been my lot Brooklyn Life S S a I Nettle Neustetter who has lately raised Ned In the Vanderbilt family is said to have been even too swift for Parter Ashe and other residents of that very liberal city San Francisco I that and other stories told of the woman be true then I will Mrs Vanderbilt be amply avenged on the old man a a a The Chinese of New York have started a new paper called The Uninterrupted Roar of the Fiery Trumpet of the God of War Just imagine a reporter on that sheet being conpellea to introduce himself by saying Mr I represent the Uninterrupted Roar of the Fiery Trumpet of the God of War a a Death came along one day And asked his pay The life of a child In this world right and left Parents are thus berett I The child but smiled Shall we too smile And after awhile Be reconcledNew New York Sun a a a Judge to prisoner who has Indulged In violent language on hearing his sen tence Prisoner you hev broken the third commandment and dishonored the name of the Almighty You are fined ten dollars dol-lars Have you got that down Mr Clerk Clerk Yes yen honor Judge An prisoner you hev spoken disrespectfully of this here court Put down fifty dollars more fer that Mr ClerkPuck Glntlemen exclaimed a son of the Emerald Isle who was relating to his friends the advantages of belonging to the lodge of which he was a member Gintlemen I couldnt begin to tell yez half the privileges appertain to a membership In this society but Ill try to tell yez a few First when yez Is sick itll not be pertatles and taj yell be get n linel g tin but itr cuts of roast iiafe an lashings i lash-Ings of good whisky NIxt yez are dead yell have a fofne funeral that the folks on the sldewalkll be after askin wid their eyes stlcken out like lobsters Shure whos In the coffin An when yez are buried well take Seech excadin good care av yoyr wolves an children i that theyll be rejolcln greatly because I theyre wlddies an orphans This of course has no local application applica-tion tonI ton-I notice among the policemen retired on Friday night the name of the man who has lately been patrolling City Creek canyon can-yon I can scarcely be possible that It is the Intention of the powers that be to leave that picturesque gorge and soured of the water supply of the city to the mercy of vandals after It has been jealously jeal-ously guarded for so many years I hope I so It Is a false economy that will result re-sult disastrously in the end Let Main street take care of Itself if needs be but protect to the fullest degree the canyon can-yon that is now and always has been the pride of every lover of nature living in Salt Lake Nature Is doing so much for this gorge that i will not be many years ere Us fame has extended far beyond bey-ond the limits of the state m Its a day we all remember and It seems of solemn state t3tlll casts a gleam of sadness when at home we congregate For a baby form is missing and no child ish prattle grants Its music sweet refreshing since the baby put on pants Twas a transformation truly and It marked an epoch grave It took away my dear babyland and boyhood I boy-hood to us gave The change could be discovered with the I slightest kind of glance I At the prideflushed face of babythat day he put on pants I I closed the doors of lullaby and opened wide the gate That leads from arms of motherto the I hill of mans estate The liKht of dawning future cross the I fragrant pathway slants Of baby and enthralls him on the day he put on pants I a St Paul Dispatch I My congratulations to Professor T B Lewis on his appointment as school S t commissionera responsible office filled 5tfi by a worthy man i Colonel John R Winder receiver of the church property The world do move I j |