| Show t 0 11 1 BY O. O HENRY 1 Vex t t to 0 R Reading ea d' d lYla Matter tt er Cp h Pago H He cor pelle l my interest a as M he be stepped from the ferr ferry at D Desbrosses Street lIe Ue had bad the ali air of being bernS' fa familiar fa- fa with hemispheres and worlds and of entering Now New York as us the lord of a demesne who vho revisited It In after years rears of absence But I thought that with all his air h ho be had iad never before set foot on the tho slippery cobblestones of the City of ot Too Many Caliphs He Ire wore loose clothes of a a. strange bluish drab color and a conservative round Panama hat without the cock cock-a- loop indentations and cants with which Northern fanciers disfigure the tropic headgear Moreover he ho was the homeliest homeliest home home- liest host man I have ever seen His ugliness ugliness ugh ugh- ness was less repellent than startling startling- arising from a sort of ruggedness ruggedness ruggedness rug- rug and irregularity of feature that spellbound you with wonder and dismay So many have looked hooked or orthe orthe orthe the shapes from the vapor of the fishermans fisherman's vaso vase As ho he afterward told me his name was wag Jud- Jud eon Bon Tate and he may as well be called so at once He lie wore his green silk tie through a topaz ring and he carried a a. cane made of the vertebrae of a shark Judson Tate Tato accosted me with some somo large and casual inquiries about the city's streets and hotels in the manner manner mannor man man- ner nor of one ono who had but for the moment moment mo mo- ment forgotten the trifling details I could think of no reason for dispraising ing my own quiet hot hotel i in the downtown downtown downtown down down- town district so the morning mid-morning of the night found us already I and at my expense and ready to be chaired and in a. a quiet cornor corner of the lobby There Thero wa was something on Judson Tates Tate's mind and such as it was he tried to convey it to me Already he had lad accepted me as his friend and when I looked at his great snuff-brown snuff mates mate's hand with which he ho brought emphasis to his periods within within with with- i in six inches of my nose I wondered if it f by any chance he was as sudden In conceiving enmity against strangers When this man began to talk I perceived perceived perceived per per- in him a certain power His voice was a persuasive instrument upon pon which he played with a somewhat somewhat somewhat some some- what specious but effective art He le did not try to make mae you foget his ugliness he ho flaunted It in your face fac and made it part of the charm of his speech Shutting your eyes you would have trailed tried after this rat-catcher's rat pipes at least to the walls wals of Hameln Hamelin Beyond that tat you would have had to tobe tobe tobe be more childish to follow But let him play his own tune to the tho words set down so that if I all al is too dull dul the art artof artof of ot music may bear bar the blame Women said Judson Tate are ae mysterious creatures My spirits sank sank I was wag not there to listen Isten to such a world old to such euch a worn time worn long ago bald feeble vicious patent sophistry to to an ancient baseless wearisome ragged unfounded Insidious Insidious Insidious ous falsehood originated by women themselves and by them tem insinuated Insinuate foisted thrust spread and ingeniously promulgated into the ears of mankind by underhand secret and deceptive methods for the purpose of argument argument- ing in furthering and reinforcing their ow own charms and designs Oh I dont don't know knowl said I larh Have you ever eyer heard hed of he asked Possibly I answered I seem to recall eal a atoe toe dancer dancer or dancer r or a suburban ad addition ad- ad or r or was it i a perfume perfume perfume-of perfume perfume-f of some such name nae It I is a town said Judson Tate on the tho coast of a foreign country of which you know kow nothing and could understand understand un un- un- un less It I is a country countr governed by a dictator and controlled by revolutions revolutions revolutions and Insubordination It I was there that a great geat life drama drama was played with wih Judson the homeliest homel- homel est man in iii America and Fergus McMahan Mc Mc- rc- rc Mahan Maban the handsomest adventurer in history or fiction and Senorita Senoria Anabela Ana- Ana beta beja Zamora the te beautiful daughter of the alcalde alcaide of as chief actors And another thing thing nowhere nowhere else on the globe except In the department of y tres in Uruguay y does the plant grow gow The products of the country I speak of are valuable woods dyestuffs gold rubber ivory and cocoa cocoa I was not aware awre said T r that South America produced any ivory ivor There you ou are twice mistaken said Judson Tate distributing the words over at least lest an octave of his wonderful wonder wonder- ful voice I did not say that the country I 1 spoke of was in South America l I must be careful my dear dearman dearman dearman man I 1 have been ben in politics there you know cow But Bt even so so-I so soI I have played chess against Its president with a set carved cared from the nasal bones of the tapir tapir one one one of our native specimens of ot the tho order of at s ungulates inhabiting the Cordilleras which Cordilleras which which was wasa 55 a pretty ivory ivor as you would care to toS S s' s l But But it was of romance and aven- aven adventure avent t t ture r re and the ways of women avent aven- aven that I Iv Iwas v was s going to tell tel you and ad not of zoological zoo zoo- logical animals For 01 fifteen years I was the te ruling ruUn 3 power ower behind old Sancho Benavides the Royal High Thumbscrew of the republic Youve You've seen his picture in inthe inthe inthe the papers papers papers-a a mushy black blak man mn with whiskers like the notes on a Swiss music-box music cylinder and a in his right hand had like the ones they write births on in the family Bible Well that tat chocolate potentate used to be the biggest item of interest anywhere be between between be- be tween the te color line lne and ad the parallels of latitude It I was wa three throws horses whether he was vas as to wind up In Inthe inthe inthe the Hall Hal of Fame or the Bureau of Combustibles Hed He'd have been sure called cled the Roosevelt Rosevelt of the Southern Souther Continent if i it i hadn't been that Grover Cleveland was president at the time Hed He'd hold office a couple of terms then hed he'd sit out for tor a hand hand hand always always after appointing his own for tor successor successor t the l J But it i was wa not Benavides the Liberators who was vas wa making all al this fame tame for himself himsel Not him hi It I was Judson Tate Benavides was only the chip cip over the bug I gave him the tip tp when to declare war and Increase Import Import import Im Im- im- im port duties dutes and wear his state tr trousers users But that wasn't wasn't what I wanted to tell tei you How did I get to be b It I Ill I'll Il tell tel you Because Im I'm Im the most gifted talker that ever made vocal sounds since Adam Adara Ada first ft opened his eyes eye pushed aside the smelling salts sat and anc asked Where her am I I As you observe I am a about the I ugliest man you ever eve saw sw outside the I gallery of photographs of the te New England early ealy Christian Christan Scientists So at an early age I perceived that f what I lacked in looks I must make makeup makeup up in eloquence That Ive I've Ive done I I get what I go after ater As the backI backstop back back- I stop and still sUll small smal voice of old Ok I Benavides I 1 made mae all al the great get historical historical his his- throne the such suc t I 1 a as Talleyrand Mrs de Pompadour and Loeb look as a small smal as th the f minority report of a Duma Duma I could couk I talk nations nation into or out of ot debt debt tl l harangue armies aries to sleep on the te batI battlefield bat bat- I reduce insurrections inflammations matons taxes appropriations or sur surpluses ur- ur pluses luses with wit a few words word and call c u tip up I i tho the dogs doss of war or th the tho dove of peace pea I I I with the same samo birdlike whistle I Beauty and and and cury cur mustaches mus- mus mus-I mus and Grecian profiles in other men were vere never in my way When Ten people first firt look at mo me th thy they y shudder Unless the they are in the last lat stages of angina agIna pectoris they are mine mino mine in ten minutes after I begin to talk Women and men men men-I I win em ein as they come Now you wouldn't think women would fancy a man with wih a 1 face like mine would you 7 Oh 01 yes Mr Tate said T. T History History His Is tory tOr Is bright and fiction dull dul with wit homely men who have charmed wom wom- en There seems seems- Pardon Paon me interrupted Judson Tudson Tate but you dont don't quito quite quio Understand You have yet et to hear hea my story stor Fergus Ferus Mc McMahan rahan was a friend of ot mine in the capital capital For a handsome man Ill I'll Il admit admi he was wa th the duty free fre merchandise He had blond curls and laughing blue eyes and was featured regular They said sad he was a ringer for the statue they call cal Herr Her the god of speech and ad eloquence restIng resting restIng rest- rest Ing in some museum at Rome Romo Some German anarchist I suppose They are ar always always' resting and talking But Fergus was no talker He was brought up with tho the idea idea thatto thatto that thatto to bo be beautiful was to make good His conversation was about as a edifyIng edifying edifying edify edify- ing as listening to a leak dropping in ina ina a tin tn dishpan at the head of the bed I when you want to go to sleep But Buthe ButI Buthe he and me got to be friends maybe friends maybe because we was so opposite dont don't I you think Looking at the tho Halloween Halloween Halloween Hal Hal- loween mak mask that I call cal my face when Im I'm Im shaving seemed to give Fergus pleasure and Im I'm Im sure that whenever I heard the feeble output of throat noises that he called caled conversation conversation con con- I felt fel contented to be a I gargoyle with wih a silver siver tongue tonge I One time I found it I necessary to togo togo go down dow dow to this coast town of Orala Ora Ora- tama la to straighten out a lot of political political po po- po- po unrest and chop off a few heads in the customs and military departments Fergus who owned the ice ie and sulphur match concessions concessions concessions conces conces- of the republic says hell he'll hel keep me company So in a jangle of mule train bells bens we gallops into and the town tow to us as much as a Long Island sound doesn't belong to Japan when T. T R. R R was at Oyster Bay I say sayus sayus sayus us but I mean me Everybody for four our nations two oceans one bay and isthmus and five archipelagos around had heard of Judson Tate Gentleman Gentle GenUe- man roan adventurer they called caled me I had lad been written ip p up in five columns of the yellow journals words with wih marginal decorations in a monthly magazine and a on the he twelfth page of the New York Times If I the beauty of Fergus McMahan McMahan McMahan Mc Mc- Mahan gained any part of our re reception reception re- re in Ill I'll Il eat the price tag ag in my Panama Panama It I wa was me that they hung out paper flowers flower and palm branches for I am not a jealous man I 1 am stating facts The people were they bit bi the grass before me there was no dust in the town for them to bie bite They Tey bowed down to Judson Tate They knew that I was the power behind Sancho Benavides A word from me was more to them than a whole deckle edged library from East Aurora in Sectional bookcases bookcases bookcases book book- cases was from anybody else And yet et there are ar people who spend hours hour fixing their faces rubbing faces rubbing in cold cream crea and massaging the muscles always toward the eyes and taking in the slack with wih tincture of benzoin and electrolyzing moles moles to to what end Looking handsome Oh what a mistake mistake mis mis- take tae Its It's Is I's the larynx that the beauty doctors ou t to work on Its It's Is I's words more than warts talk more than talcum palaver more than powder blarney more than bloom that counts count the the phonograph instead of the you photograph But I 1 was going to tell tel The local Astora put me sue and 1 Fergus up at the Centipede club a aframe aframe I frame building built on posts sunk in inthe inthe inthe the surf The tides tide's only nine inches The Little Lite Big BIJ High Low Low- Lw Jack-In- Jack I the game the the-gme of the town came around round and kow towed Oh it wasn't to Herr They had heard about Judson Tate One afternoon me and Fergus McMahan c lahan was sitting on the seaward gallery galer of the Centipede drinking iced rum and talking Judson says Fergus theres an angel in So long says sars r I T. T as it I aint aint Gabriel Gabriel Ga Ga- Ga- Ga Gabrel briel brel why talk as if you had heard hearda a trump blow Its Is the Senorita Anabela Zamora Zamora Za Za- morn mora mora says Fergus she's she's she's as lovely as as-as as as a-as as hell hel Bravo says I laughing heartily You Tou have a true tre lovers lover's eloquence to paint the beauties beautes of your rats rata rat You remind me says I of ot Faust's wooing of ot Marguerite that Marguerite that is Is if he wooed her after he went down the trapdoor of the stage Judson says Fergus you ou know you ou are as as a rhinoceros You cant can't have interest in any wom worn en Im I'm Im awfully gone on Miss Anabela Ana Ana- bela And that's Im I'm why Im telling you ou Oh says I. I 1 I know I r have the front elevation like an Aztec god that guards a burled buried buriE treasure that never did exist in Jefferson Jefferon Jefferson Jef Jef- ferson feron county Yucatan But there are compensations For instance Iam I Ia Iam am a It I in this country as far as the thee e eye e can reach and then a few perches and poles And again agan says 1 I when I enga engage e people in a setto seto or oral vocal and ad lal- lal laryngeal el utterances I do not usually confine conne my ray side of f the argument to what may be likened to a cheap phonographic reproduction of the ravings of a jellyfish Oh I know sa says s 's Fergus amiable amia amla- ble that I 1 am not handy at small smal talk Or large lare either That's why Im I'm Im m telling you I want you to help I I I t I I How How can ca I 1 do it I I r asked I have subsidized says Fergus Ferlus the services of Senorita Anabela's duenna duenna whose name is Francesco Francesca You have a reputation In this Countr country country coun Coun- try tr Judson says Fergus of being a great reat man and ad a hero 1 I have have says I. I And 1 I deserve it And r I I says Fergus am a the best- best looking man between the arctic circle and antarctic Ice pack With ih limitations says I T. T as to physiognomy and geography I freely freel concede you to be Between the two wo of us us says I Fergus we e we ought to land the Senoria Senorita Anabela Zamora The lady as you know Is of ot an old Spanish family and further furer than looking at her driving ant In Inthe Inthe 1 the family of afternoons around arund the plaza plaz or catching n n. glImpse of her through a barred window oi oj evenings she is as unapproachable as asa asa a star str Land nd her for which one of us says IFor I. I For me of course cure says say Fe Fergus s sI I Youve You've never seen her Now rye Ive had ha hadi i Francesca point me out ot t to her as be be- b k I I I I I I lIng Ing you on several occasions When When she sheI sees ses me on the plaza she thinks she's looking at Don Judson Tate the greatest great great- geat- geat est eat hero her statesman and romantic figure figure figure fig fig- ure in the tho te country count With your reputation |
