Victim mot at fault in atase eases Editor's note: This is the third in a series of article dealing with sexual abuse of children. This article deals with programs available to parents and children to help Prevent the crime, and to help them cope i'h the pain and trauma following an Iinstance of sexual abuse. By SHARON MORREY When a child is a victim of sexual abuse, is to blame? The offender, the child's Parits, the offender's family or the child nimself? What about society? Could it "ave been prevented? Dr Delbert Pearson,' psychiatrist on aff at Utah Valley Regional Medical enter says people need to be very careful signing the blame. , Tne victim did nothing wrong. I don't Diame the child, the child has been hurt," Declares Dr. Pearson, noting that Mimes well-meaning programs and ,"eir instigators mistakenly give the Pression that because mistakes were m?e, a victim was created. Be a proper parent, take time with your s. 30 minutes a week at least to really en and talk to them. Teach them they e in command, that it's okay to say, urges Dr. Pearson, han lhen realize that these things PPen and the child is not at fault. No one eserves' to be molested, whether he or ls scantily clad, alone at night or out "ere he or she shouldn't be. No one 'serves it and the victim should be ? ecled from that burden of guilt." Pe, a recent seminar in Orem, Dr. arson and other experts on child good " and abuse identified some Posvhir0grams designed to help prevent that crimes against children but noted ngn program is foolproof. Divk- ph Crabb of the Orem Detectives prop noted that even well-meaning srams like McGruff House can be abused by a twisted determined individual. in-dividual. "We have to be very careful in screening our McGruff homes so as to be sure we don't get someone volunteering their house with the wrong intentions," mentioned Det. Crabb. "We have all the McGruff posters numbered and we ask people to return them if they move or decide to stop using it. Crabb detailed how the McGruff posters themselves were designed to be difficult to copy and yet be highly visible. He urged patrons of local PTA groups to investigate the McGruff program and help set up a McGruff system -- which basically identifies the homes that are safe for a child to run to for help. "But be careful even there, be sure your children know what rights they have to their own bodies. Teach them that no one has the right to touch certain places," cautioned Crabb. Other programs such as the "Safety Kids" portfolio by Janeen Brady are hitting the market just as the crime rate is Brady's approach is to teach rules and "how to be a good safety kid" with songs, illustrations to color and membership in the Safety Kids club. A cassette in Brady's kit spells out good ideas and what to do when; "someone wants to cross your line" and "how to sing your telephone number." There are "togetherness kids", "yell and scream" and "look for a grandma" ideas that give children clear directions for troublesome situations. Thomas G. Harrison, the co-ordinator for the Child Sexual Abuse program at Primary Children's Medical Center, has endorsed Janeen Brady's colorful and "forthright" approach. He calls it "an exciting new tool in the important work of preventing children from becoming vic tims of sexual assault, kidnap or abuse." "The Safety Kids" sing-a-long items are available through Renae Pelo, 381 East 230 South, Orem, Utah, 84057. The set which includes cassette, coloring book, and "Safety Kids" membership cards is $8.95. Tana Johnson, a local police officer with the American Fork Department has also devised a "How Not to Become a Victim" program. Speaking briefly to parents and local citizenry, Johnson has outlined ways a parent can hopefully ward off trouble for their children. "Keep an eye on your kids, "says Johnson, "Children are not kidnapped when a parent is with them." Johnson draws attention to the fact that kids often link "a stranger" with someone big, and mean-looking. They have difficulty dif-ficulty telling the bad guys from the good guys when the good guy is "nice." A good tip from Tana's program is the Family Code Word, developed ahead of time so a child can recognize someone sent to help in an emergency situation. Other steps suggested as ways to teach children aboul guarding their personal safety include: playing "what if" games with your children and taking "safety walks" with the whole gang. Mrs. Johnson can be reached through the American Fork Police Department and scheduled to speak to your church, civic or school group. American Fork Police Chief Randy Johnson points out that "Stranger-Danger" "Stranger-Danger" isn't the major concern in teaching children to avoid child abuse, since most of abusers are individuals known and trusted by the victims. "Strangers are involved in 15 percent of the cases," Chief Johnson says. "The other 85 percent involve trusted adults." That means it is essential to teach children they have rights about what happens with their bodies no matter who is involved. "The major thrust of educating children should not be 'Stranger Danger,' " Johnson says. "It's unacceptable, behavior. Parents should teach their children to not become victims. You open up a line of communications so children can talk about these things with you." If the worst does occur and your child is abused, seek help. And report the crime to the police regardless of who the offender is. There are many programs designed to lift the guilt burden and put your family life back on track, such as the counseling service through Utah Valley Mental Health Center, Timpanogas Mental Health Services, The Gathering Place and Primary Children's Medical Center. The cost of counseling can be reimbursed reim-bursed through the Victim Aid Program care of the Utah County District Attorney. The LDS Church also offers counseling services through its Department of Social Services. It has recently published a couple of small inexpensive pamphlets on safety precautions for women and children. Women are reminded to carry a whistle, plan walking or jogging routes through populated, well-lighted areas and replace and secure home locks that leave room for intrusion. Children are cautioned to know their full name and address and phone number, value staying close to a parent or family member, and protest loudly if anyone tries to pick them up or take them elsewhere. "Avoid dressing children in clothes that have their name printed on them. Knowing a child's name can help a stranger entice a child to them," advises the pamphlet on safety precautions. "I implore you mothers and fathers to keep a constant watchcare over your children," says LDS President Spencer W. Kimball in the pamphlet, "Teach them to beware of the growing danger of evil and designing men." The material is 10 cents a copy and available from The Relief Society Business Office, 76 N. Main Street, Salt Lake City, Utah 84150. : "We do need to protect the child," reaffirms Dr. Pearson who works with children emotionally traumatized by sexual abuse. "And we do need to see that they get help because we are often just seeing people 30 years later. By then they've had problems with friends, employers, em-ployers, their spouse. We need to see them earlier." Parents who suspect a child has been victimized are admonished to avoid such shaming statements as "I told you to come straight home!, "or "Why did you keep going back?" or "Mr. Jones is such a respected man, you must be making this up." "Be aware that your child has been lured, tricked or forced into doing something that cause deep confusion and a strong sense of guilt and shame," warns another paper on "What to do if your child is molested." "There is a bond between the victim and the molester, though it's a very unnatural bond," comments Dr. Pearson, "particularly "par-ticularly if the abuser is known to the child. There can be unconscious gratification to the child, overwhelming excitement, guilt and shame." "The child who is a victim of sexual molestation or abuse is damaged. We need to repair that damage," reminds Dr. Pearson. Families who have suffered such indignity in-dignity and trauma are urged to seek competent, extensive counseling.