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Show ) Cyclops Lighter Side By Bryan Gray Consider Marcos? A Davis County schoolteacher was explaining her case for increased wages. "It's awfully hard for a teacher to make ends meet," she said. I countered, "Maybe the Davis teachers need some top-notch financial counseling-and I've read about one such man who could be of great help." "Who would you suggest?" "Ferdinand Marcos," I replied. "You're kidding, aren't you? You mean Marcos, the ex-president ex-president of the Philippines?" "Sure. Unlike you teachers, he didn't sit around and grumble about wages. Instead he showed the entire world that it's not how much money you make, it's how you invest it! According to news reports, Marcos was paid only $5,500 per year. That's one-fourth of the average schoolteacher's salary in Davis County. Coun-ty. And yet Marcos was amazingly frugal." "How do you mean?" "Well, despite his meager salary he was able to buy his wife lmtlda some 3.000 pair of shoes. ..He socked away an estimated $300 million in New York real estate. ..He bought his wife a carved emerald necklace for $280,000.. .Gee, in one day alone he spent $273,000 at an art gallery, $40,650 at a floral shop and $ 1 0.340 for linen bedsheets. And he did all of this on only $5,500 per year. No, Ferdinand Marcos is a towering example of proper prop-er money management." The teacher snickered. "And you think teachers could do the same thing?" "Probably even better," I said. "Ferdinand Marcos couldn't open an IRA account. You teachers can." "You realize, Mr. Cyclops, that Ferdinand Marcos didn't earn his money, he stole it from his people." "I agree that Marcos had some advantages. But then teachers do, too. Teachers can use the school copying machine free of charge. Marcos never had a copying machine." "But Marcos was a crook." "Maybe. But, then again, he was able to take advantage of his position. Teachers can do the same." "How?" "By using insider information. Take an elementary school teacher, for example. She could buy stock in the company that makes Crayolas--and then force her students to buy new crayons every term. If every teacher in the U.S. did the same thing, then sales would soar-and the teacher could cash in her stock for a nice profit. It's perfectly legal. The Republicans wrote the book on taking advantage of high political office: Marcos merely read the book." "I realize you're being silly. But understand that teachers have a decisive effect on the children of" "Oh, Marcos was decisive, too. One time Mrs. Marcos told the pilot to turn around her airplane and return to Rome after she developed a craving for cheese. You can't get much more decisive deci-sive than that." "And we teachers have great responsibility-" m "So did Marcos. What greater responsibility is" there than jailing 2,000 men, women and children, torturing one person here and another there, hacking a hand off this guy and a finger off the other guy.. .And still receive American aid? That's responsibility re-sponsibility for you!" "You're being stupid." "But Marcos wasn't. He's retired to a luxury beachside palace in Hawaii. You call that stupid?" She laughed. "Okay, so what do you expect teachers to do?" "Call your Dee Burningham at the Davis Education Association Associa-tion and tell him to book Ferdinand Marcos for a summer seminar on money management." The teacher shook her head and left. But this Marcus stuff makes sense. Three weeks ago an enterprising graphic designer in Manhattan escorted 40 paying customers on a tour of the jewelry stores, the furriers and the penthouse where Marcos once spent his largesse. Upon their return, all 40 people thought the trip was well worth the $5 tour fee. Now I wonder.. .Would anybody pay $5 to visit the site where Dee Burningham had lunch? Of course not. The teachers could do much worse than invite Ferdinand Marcos to Davis County. He could teach them a thing or two about investments--and Imelda could put on a fashion show for the spouses. Just make sure the folks at Five Points Mall are advised of the Marcos visit. ..They'll need time to stock their display cases. |