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Show fhl.Phillipr THE FUEHRER GETS AN EXAMINATION Doctor Now then, how long have you had this nervous breakdown? Hitler I have never had a nervous breakdown. I never will have one! Doctor (to himself) Ah, psychopathic psycho-pathic case. I'd better humor him. Hitler No nervous breakdown can touch me, I promise that. Doctor (gently) All right, all right! Have it your way. It's just a mild case of jumps. Have you been under a strain of any kind? Hitler Ach, du lieber, what a question! Doctor Come, cornel Something has been disturbing you. Hitler You're telling me! Doctor Be calm. I can't help you unless you co-operate. Have you been getting eight hours' sleep? Hitler (bitterly) No, but from the way things have been going my generals gen-erals have! Doctor When yon get to sleep Is your rest unbroken? Hitler I haven't had any unbroken unbro-ken rest since I started to prove the Nazis are supermen. Doctor Do you have bad dreams? Hitler If I could be sure they were just dreams I'd be all right. Doctor Have you lost any weight lately? Hitler I never admit a loss of anything. If dropped a few pounds It was a disengagement. Doctor Do you tire more easily than you used to? Hitler Yes, and If you'd been through what I have you'd tire more easily, too! . I Doctor How is your heart? ! Hitler I have no heart. Doctor Nobody can live without a heart. Hitler Nonsense! I've done it all my life. Doctor Do you feel short of breath running uphill? Hitler I'm not sure. All I've done lately is run DOWNHILL! Doctor Do you have headaches? Hitler Do I?!! Doctor Let me see your tongue. (He looks.) I don't like the looks or it. Hitler You should hear the sound of it. Doctor Your color Is bad. Hitler If you think I'm pale you should see Goebbelg and Himmler. Doctor I can see you are In a highly emotional state. You have to 6top whatever you are doing! Hitler Such foolishness! Doctor Is whatever you are doing so important that somebody else can't finish it? Hitler That's the trouble. Too many people will finish it! Doctor You need a complete change of scenery. Hitler That's what Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin say but they don't charge me for the medical advice! ad-vice! Doctor You must go somewhere. How about a Mediterranean cruise? Hitler (wincing) Don't be silly! Doctor Maybe southern Italy? Hitler Donnerwetter! Doctor Have you ever been to Russia? Hitler (leaping out the window) Are you 1 kidding?! Crooning Out the Bottlenecks Henry Kaiser, industrialist famed for getting things done, got off a plane at LaGuardia Field the other day, bound for the Brewster plant which he has taken over, and sang for reporters the 'Oklahoma" hit: Oh, what a beautiful morning, Oh, what a beautiful day; Oh, what a beautiful feeling Everything's going my way! We think this is of tremendous significance. Taken advantage of, it can establish a trend in production methods that may stir the world. Crooners and songsters alone attain their goals easily these cockeyed days. We propose that Frankie Sinatra be teamed with Mr. Kaiser as a co-worker. Or that all production produc-tion chiefs take lessons from Frankie and then, hurrying back to the troubled trou-bled plants, smooth out everything with song. It's the War I once objected when I knew That nearby someone cooked a stew; Now, like a fox, who scents the air, I've trained my senses to compare The faintest air-borne hint of ham, With vapors of the far distant lamb: Inhaling now, with door ajar, I savor steaks that broil afar. Florence H Lonsford. Round-Robin Trial Just which small nation will be permitted the grand satisfaction of trying Hitler is undetermined. Elmer Twitchell suggests that the trial start in Poland and continue to the other nation's, until the final verdict is banded down in Norway. The hanging he thinks, should take place in three installments, once in Paris, once in Moscow and once in Piccadilly Circus. That wouldn't be quite severe enough, but it might be all we could hope for when we cool off a little. |
